Monday afternoon and the very sought after Monday Hash. Today’s hares are Try-A-Fuck and BHPC, which should be a great combination.
The A-site was huge, with enough space for landing aircrafts, we were amazed.
As soon as I had opened my water bottle I was approached by the GM and handed the scribe clipboard. I was immediately told that Colonel Cornhole did a great job with the scribe last week and that he expected nothing less from me. I was handed only one sheet of paper, and when complaining I was told by the GM that he never allowed for excessive use of paper sheets when writing up the scribe. So it means I have to cut out all the bullshit.
And the same thing happened as last time when I did the scribe. The Brewmaster came up to me and asked if I could write something nice about him, giving me all kind of promises if I did. So bend over, here it comes again: The Brewmaster is the nicest and most intelligent Brewmaster ever, in Pattaya.
Just as the circle was starting Sir Chicken Fucker came racing down with his car trailing smoke from his barbeque in the back and vanishing up the road again. Astonishing! Everybody was given a thorough lesson in the rules of hashing by Sir Spag Head. G.I. Joe passed the test by providing for the right answers at the right time. There were some hashers mumbling that they did not understand everything and could it please be repeated from the beginning. But as it was starting to get dark we all had to do what we came here to do.
We soon found ourselves running through a series of bushfires, and the rumors were that this was caused by the hares smoking when laying the trail. Don’t they know that smoking kills? Midway in the run we came to a check we never had seen before (it was omitted in Sir Spag Head’s lecture). A wooden red colored pole pointing upwards. After gathering round this check and analyzing the situation, the hashers were seen suddenly running off in all directions. The reason is for me unknown and will probably never be reviled. But anyway, another great and educational run.
Before the 2nd circle Colonel Cornhole asked me if Black Hole was here. He needed a lawyer, because he wanted to wear his Norwegian shirt, a Christmas Gift from his mother, in the circle, and he was afraid of the consequences. Unfortunately Black Hole had a day off from work, so he had to take the risk himself.
Time for the 2nd circle. Raffle time, the winners won and the losers were all happy. Gm called for the hares and everybody was asked how the run was. I did not hear the answers but I believe the general idea was that this was a great run and many thanks to the hares.
Emperor Airhead was handed the circle. He immediately iced the hares and the fact was quickly brought out that one of the hares was from Germany, the other from England. So the conclusion was that the bushfires and the burnt out terrain was not caused by the hares smoking but rather by the war still going on between the hares, England and Germany. So the smoking theory went down the drain. Then Colonel Cornhole went into the bucket, as he had predicted, for wearing a non-hash shirt. When Emperor Airhead heard that the shirt was a gift from Colonel Cornhole’s mother, his heart melted and the Colonel was immediately forgiven.
Hellboy was given control of the circle. He iced Sir Chicken Fucker and the new miss Chicken Fucker, giving a note for Sir Chicken Fucker and his new “maid”. Everybody were happy and we are now only waiting for the big party which will take place later this year in Sir Chicken Fucker’s home together with his “maid”.
The Circle went back to GM and he iced Hellboy because Hellboy had been pick pocketed in Bangkok last weekend. We all felt sorry for him until we learned that he had been pick pocketed by 2 girls for 3 hours because all the bars being closed.
Sir Chicken Fucker was back in the circle and for once he was wearing a nice and clean hash shirt. Must be his maid. And this time he was focusing not so much on gay boys but more on the use of condoms. Maybe also because of his maid. Anyway V.V. showed us all how to use our head (and brain?) when wearing a condom. After this we all felt it was time to see some real skin and Sir Chicken Fucker did not let us down. The crowd was cheering wildly. Then Dr. Dick was iced because he was taking photos all over the place planning to post them on his website. He promised to consult Sir Chicken Fucker before the pictures were published, and they agreed to meet the next day in Boyztown to discuss the matter further.
Scar With Two T’s was handed the circle. He incorrectly iced the hares because of smoking in the bushes. When he learned the bushfires was because of the war going on he immediately apologized for accusing the hares of smoking. Colonel Cornhole was iced because it was said he was thrown out of Chiang Mai. This was contested by the Colonel. Will we ever know the truth?
So it was time for some hash singing, the Norwegians leading with a brilliant performance of “Nøtteliten”. Everything came to an end with the hash hymn and departure back to Jameson’s.
See you all next Monday.
Doesn't Touch The Sides