Total Hashers This Week - 76

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Correcting Run Records Policy

To encourage hashers, and hash virgins, to take responsibility for ensuring they have received proper run credit, the deadline for reporting missed runs will be Thursday evening following a run. As run stats are posted to the website by noon of the Tuesday following the run, hashers will have 2 1/2 days to review the run stats to confirm they've received credit for the run just held.

The reason for the Thursday deadline is we close out the run accounts and run records for a run on Friday mornings. Corrections entered before Friday help ensure we have an accurate accounting of the run.

It is hoped with this policy in place the number of hashers that pay the signup fee and walk away before having their name marked off on the signup list will be reduced. This will also eliminate the cases where a hasher comes to us weeks, months, or even years later asking to correct a missed run in the records.

The one exception to this policy will be those with duplicate run records can approach us when they're close to achieving a run award. At that time we will merge the records so the run award reflects all their runs with the PH3.

Missed runs can be reported via email to the Webmaster.

Click On Name To View Hasher's Run History History

Awards This Run

Horse
50 Runs

NOTE: Scribe Reports are written for your entertainment and are a work of fiction.
Any resemblance to actual people and events is purely coincidental.

Scribe Report by Sir Free Willy

"When you have exhausted all patience.......Have more patience "....Chinese proverb.
Mismanagement" "Grand Master, it is Free Willy and Flipper's Anniversary Run coming up. You should appoint a sympathetic scribe. Someone who likes and gets along with Free Willy.

Three Weeks later:
Hellboy" "Free Willy would you like to scribe your own run.????? "
Yes it is that time of year again. The ninth annual Anniversary Run.
As last years beach venue looks like being turned into another much needed condo complex it was decided to use it again for this years run...and why not.
A blisteringly hot day saw 77 Runners sign up. Down on last year but acceptable bearing in mind the previous day's Pattaya Marathon as well the ongoing hash shenanigans.
The run is started by Free Willy having to be prompted to step on the wine glass as is done every year...Why...?...No ever explains correctly why I do this every year and this year was to be no different..( More Later).
A respectable period observed after the runners set off before the attendant mess's commence the process of sampling the 100 bottles of beer that has been provided for the occasion.
Those of you who had Really Sadistic Bastard in the sweepstakes as first in the queue were rewarded when the "jocular jock" waded into the beer bucket neck deep to claim the biggest and most expensive bottle on offer.
When tackled on this RSB surely stated "Free Willy is a c---t, a b''''d, a SOB, and down right bad egg all round and I hate him...but I still intend to take the biggest and most expensive free beer in the bucket as well as three free hot dogs and four plates of gob burning free som-tam....I pay my 350 baht and it is my RIGHT and I am ENTITLED to drink and eat as much as I can as well as demanded the bus drives 25 kilometres out of its way to pick me up and save 20 baht on a motorcycle taxi. "...So there.!!!
After a gentle jog encompassing the A-Site which included hazards such as elephants, buffalo, horse, dogs and the biggest hazard there is... human beings...the FRB's start to drift in in under 30 minutes..which was the intention.
Free Willy provided different type and flavoured crisps as fruit as well as chocolate and lollipops as well for the first time BUGS...A selection of fried grasshoppers, slugs and frogs to provide substance for the runners.
Rather surprisingly the bugs did not go down well.
If "Starvation is a great aphrodisiac "then" Starvation is also a great appetizer"especially in a third world country.
As the bugs went largely uneaten I suspect that the unwashed masses now have no need for such scrumptious fare.
Flipper's food and the free hot dogs from Lord Chicken F---r were readily consumed with no complaints...except from RSB who asked" Why can you not deliver my free food and beer to my house?.....I pay my money and I am ENTITLED to this.
LBJ said : "When you have them by the balls their hearts and minds will follow ".
Translated into Hash-speak this comes out as " Get the Hasher's pissed with 9.7 % proof beer and they will forget all about hash politics and personal rivalry and simply get on with producing an excellent circle."...And so it proved.
Circle called and the hares are iced as per tradition (great song..opening number from Fiddler on the Roof).
Emperor Airhead in an attempt to understand 5000 of Jewish history cannot understand why stamping and breaking a glass at a Jewish wedding is symbolic.
EA unlike yourself and half of the T.Q. girls I was not around 5000 years ago when it all started.
Basically the breaking of a glass symbolizes the fall of the Temple of Jerusalem "
By breaking the glass it is being stated that like the glass once marriage vows have been broken they cannot be repaired.
What it has got to do with a temple in Jerusalem I have no idea.
Answers on a post card please.
Anyway no-one explained it correctly as usual so Sir Frog was awarded the bottle of wine for saying "Jew" without a hint of malice.
Hellboy asks who is going to the happy hour tonight and RSB complains the Hash should have the happy hour on a marble table outside a Chinese mini-market in Soi Kaotalo which acts as his local.
That way he can both afford the 29 Baht beer as well as being able to have some free food.
"I pay my money and I am ENTITLED ".
A respectable run with the hares and especially Free Willy falling back on the age old tactic of when in doubt resort to bribery.
Raffle conducted by Free Willy with Crimson Penis winning the mobile phone Cabbage Queen duly winning the Finnish vodka (for her samee of course) and Seal Sucker determined to look nice in Boys Town with a basket bouquet of birds nest soup.
Ballringer wins the rat poison and dog muzzle....Does this mean no more will we hear the cry of " ALAN..ALAN..?..
RSB laments the fact that he did not win a prize.
" I pay my money and I am ENTITLED to a win a prize ".
The best advice he can be given is the one God gave to the down on his luck businessman who prayed for a lottery win.
"Levy my son..You want a lottery win then meet me half way on this one......Buy a ticket.!!! ".
Sheik Me Me feeling the beneficial affects of Beer lao dark as well a bottle of Australian Coopers admits he is not Copus Mentus enough to conduct a circle but feels he has to ice Emperor Airhead for not completing the Pattaya marathon and still expecting his medal.
The situation is resolved by SMM magnanimously donating his own medal to the man of 1250 runs.
Emperor Airhead ices the hares and declares that today is ground Zero as far as Free Willy's hash history is concerned. With EA acting as a Wyoming John the Baptist Free Willy's sins, both real or imagined are effectively washed away.....until the next time.!!!
EA continues by naming visiting Dutchman Dirk Garstman Windmill Wanker.
Hellboy ices the mismanagement for not putting on something special for his recent birthday and has been done for Big Chief Wombmaster a.k.a. Kim Fletcher.
BCW has produced three off-spring who are all Hashers albeit largely laxed and has sponsored the PH3 while managing the T.Q.2, Shenanigans, Delaney's and currently Jameson's as well as providing food and extra's for his infrequent hares.......and with respect incumbent G.M.....you are Hellboy...!!!
Barnacle Bollox informs Hellboy that the German language originates from English dialects. Total garbage.
Hellboy do a Google search and you will see that the closet language related to German is Yiddish.!! I suppose that makes Free Willy and Hellboy brothers.
The gent from Ghent Sir Frog takes over to demonstrate that Karamba and Dirty Harry as well as several others have not been married collectively as long as Free Willy and Flipper have been.
Dirty Harry comes in for special treatment as his girlfriend won the black phallic symbol in the raffle....Sir Frog said to her that she cannot compare the 10" phallic symbol to DH...." I know " said Dirty Harry...would that phallic symbol be jealous.?.!!! ".
Skippy takes the circle for the last time ever to ice the hares along with his old favourite whipping boy Sir Stains. Asks Skippy : "Hey Sir Stains didn't you used to be somebody.?...You used to be in hashing..You used to be bid\g.".. Comes the reply.." I am big...It was the hash that got small...!!!!".
Like a Panzer division that does not know when he is beat back comes Hellboy. He ices Skippy to give the Qantas version of Biggles his original name back. Welcome back Captain Kangaroo.
Lord Chicken F---r dons the mantle and in the absence of any crack's to molest decides instead to reminisce about his own and other Hasher's broken marriages.
It is time to call on the hares to sing us song. Usually Free Willy organises some music accompanied by some dancing. However despite the crack's sign-up fee being reduced to 50 Baht no cracks were left in the circle and as Free Willy did not think following the Jewish practice of men dancing with men (as Jewish men are forbidden to dance with women) would be embraced by the PH3 SMM and Bottomless Pit were duly put on ice for a story relating to the time they all shared an office together.
The success of this story prompted an impromptu joke telling session with amongst others Piss Poorer taking the circle.
Hash Hymn duly strangled (except for RSB who refuses to join in 27 years of PH3 tradition on principal and is already on the bus with the four cans of beer but then again he pays his and is ENTITLED, and it is off to Jamesons for happy hour which in personal abstentia will be assumed was the usual hearty fare.
All in all a good day and a stonking good circle as befit the event.
No politics and no simmering rivalry's. It is amazing what can be acheived by simply not thinking.
If I have forgotten anyone tough. Faces and Fannies I never forget but names are for tombstones.

Shalom Shalom
Sorry I meant

On On
Free Willy