All is well in Pattaya, the most beautiful day to be heading out hashing. We board the old Buddha Bus and Jonny heads usout of town towards Phoenix Country Club. Lone Wolf entertains us with some very funny stories and a classic joke which made me laugh so much it hurt. If I could remember it I would share it with you. I guess you will have to wait until you see him. Somehow we end up lost and Jonny Tralala takes us on a few loops around the A site and we end up on target eventually, just in time to say a few hellos and the circle is called. The run starts with a long windy trail through a rubber plantation and into a boggy jungle marsh then out to some grassy meadows where cattle graze happily in the afternoon sun. The smell of cow dung permeates the air as the paper takes the trail into a sloppy shiggyswamp then out onto some hard-pack, leading us to a tiny bamboo village where you could buy abeer from the corner store if you had remembered to take some Baht with you. Then across the rice paddy fields and up a long false trail and eventually back through the paddy maze and ON IN.
I am walking around with a sheet of paper and a pen which makes me the obvious choice for the GM to appoint as scribe.
The Cracks returned from the run with all manner of vegetable matter and set up their picnic andenjoy theirPak Sadow (a gathered leaf) Nomai (bamboo shoot) par duk (cat fish) Nungmoo (pork crackling) Somtum with pla-lar (anchovy type flavour) cowneow(sticky rice) and Sardines in tomato sauce. It all tasted a lot better than it looked.
Horse and VV set up their Soup Station complete with tables and chairs, a reservations is not necessary to enjoy a selection of homemade Belgian influenced dishes with tuna salad, vegetable soup, freshly baked rolls,andselection of salads, and all for a donation of your choosing. All profits from this enterprise are reinvested into better food the following week. Seal Sucker chokes on a chicken bone and I perform the Heinlik manouver which saves his life.
Bottomless Pit (Zee Best Brewmaster in Zee Whole World) is setting up his beer truck with fold out protective flaps, collapsible table, lighting system anda complete beer selection at the perfect temperature. He is also opening his rag sales business, setting up the raffle table with the prizes and getting the awards ready for the GM.
The GM calls the circle and begins with a vaudeville act which reminds me of Houdini. No More Cum claims that "no punishment can hurt me" well the GM calls in two volunteers from the audienceto place two large cold blocks of ice onCums stomach while in the bucket and the Cum Yak Yak climbs atop as the crowd cheer in disbelief.
Tanka Wanka iced for hosting the Hash today at his beautiful home. This is on another level as far as 'A' sites go, a spacious back yard with lush grass and all the conveniences of home. He has a litter of 8 puppies to give away. "If you kick one you own it"With little success he gives one to Bottomless Pit to include in the raffle, Sandy pleads with Dog Licks Its Dick to have one and finally gets the OK from Dad.
Hares on the ice withthe Dog Licks Its Dick family, Scrappy Doo and Scooby Doo and the newPuppy Doo. Theconsensus on the run isan excellent run andthe best runcatering seen for a long time.
Bottomless Pit likes Fucking Dog and eating them too and with Squeeze My Tube they run the raffle with some great prizes. Shooting Star wins a mobile phone, the Queen wins an Iron (sounds ironic) Karamba wins a cutlery set and Butch Cassidy wins a giant biscuit tin.
Friar Fudge is iced for stealing the girls fags.
20 Hares for Dog Licks Its Dick and Bottomless Pit.
Arse-hopper has to sit on the ice each week until he can sing the down down song. Vaseline Thighs also iced for not singing.
A new hash title for Horse 'Hash Snitch' although he always gets his information confused and Squeeze My Tube claims that her new shoes actually belong to GIJoe.
Ice Butt Bunny and Charlotte iced for looking to too healthy. They lurk around bars looking for potential Olympic athletes as no one so far has enough stamina to push them to their ultimate climax.
Extra Testicle thinks its better to sit on the ice for a moment before getting in the bucket to graduate the cooling process.
Karamba and DLID in the bucket for chit chat.
Visitor Short Time is in town for the Pattaya Sex Marathon and finishes on the bottom. Little Boy from Cambodia is here to try our bucket.
Leavers Missing Link is looking for his government benefit and the General is looking for oil.
Chicken takes the circle and is worried about the young girls who may feel left out and wants to share his feelings. They remind him of the 24 hour ICU care nurses who come tocheck his blood pressure which always seems to be rising when they take his vitals. He needs 24 hour care as he is recovering from a frontal lobotomyand also had an extension whilehe was there and that is why he wears long shorts now. He has been living on chopped liver, mash and onions via a tube up his bum. Nurse Charlotte and Nurse Phim should stay very close to Chicken tonight just in case he has a relapse and needs attention to his extension. Nurse Phim specializes in hand ball which could be very relieving. Master bates is 14 in two weeks and gets money from his old man to buy condoms so he can hang out with girls in his mates condo with some girls, while the old man sits at the bar hoping someone will buy him a beer. Karamba starts the day with a bowl of MSG as it makes everything better. He often eats through his arse and says coffee tastes better that way.He says Chicken was really in the Dinky Doll House wearing one of those tight fitting jackets that require help to get out of. Ballringer and Butch Cassidy keep talking about the good ol army days and how they miss their three squares a day. The cracks on the ice because they think GIJoe looks like an ATM, don't we all! Honey Bear and Crazy Pussy get to stay on the ice for talking too much. Spaghetti Head apparently has his head out a port hole, when he see's Rusky subs heading for Cuba during the cold war and tells Admiral Nimmitswhich saves the world from Armageddon. Say goodby to ET who successfully passed a skype job interview to work teaching in Vietnam, when they meet him in person they will discover that he looks completely different from 'made up' salon version.
Horse ices all the army jerks like GIJoe, Butch Cassidy, Lone Wolf, Missing Link and orders them to "Hurry Up And Wait". All the Yanks on the ice with the King, GIJoe, Seagull Shit, Short Time, Little Boy, for wanking too much. Lone wolf tells us about his last job where he was told bythe blond receptionist tomeasure the height of the flagpole. When she checks back with him he has laid it down on the ground and measured it at 18 feet. Typical blond then blasts him for giving her the length and not the height. Really Sadistic Bastard is a wee moaning alien weasel who speaks in tongues and Bottomless Pit and Seal Suckerare gay. We call on the hares to sing us a song and Sandy pulls out all the stops with her Gangster Hash Rap Classic that gets the down low on the up...great job Scrappy Doo that was Kule Dude! well written and very funny. The hash hymn by the Aussies and time to grab a few beers for the bus and we are all singing our way back to town.
ONON
Katoy Anal Masturbator
See you all next week at the Aussie Run