I arrived at this week’s a-site and no sooner had the car been parked in a quiet little corner when Wank-King’s Wanker approached at a near Gallop! My first thought was to run for it (as I did last time) but being surrounded on three sides by water I decided to wait with dignity for the question I knew was sure to come! Last week it was Kee Mah who did his bit and this week it was going to be my turn to scribe and that’s how it should be, all of us chipping in and balancing the work load. Shame on me for even thinking about shirking away from it this time!
With all of that sorted, I tried to ‘take notice’ of the happenings at the a-site. Far from being the usual quiet and tranquil setting of past years, the a-site this time was a ‘hub’ of activity with what seemed like hundreds of four wheeled motorbike things flying about at speed between our ranks without care or attention! Heck, do they think they own the place?
Wanker’s Wanker called the pre-run circle and above the din, we eventually got around to hearing the hares (Doesn’t touch the Sides and Tiny Anal Torpedo) explanation of their run today ….. white paper, red checks, ‘S’ for short cut and ‘S’ for soaking wet or whatever and then we were off, heading anti-clockwise around a huge lake! Within minutes we came across a heard of cattle with the usual result of pandemonium. Caused as usual by us hashers by the way and nothing to do with our four legged ‘best’ friends who joined us on the run today. I know this because I was ‘taking notice’!
Eventually we work our way around the cattle and make our merry way towards the small hump (with the temple on the top) in the distance. We were led upto this point by front runners such as Vaseline Thighs (with Eddie and Oscar), Running Bare, Smelly Bastard, Crack My Coccyx, GI Joe, Try A F**k, Ball Ringer, Marathon Man and Mrs Head. Around the hump we went, frequently running through big puddles of water that blocked the trail in places. It has to be said that the men didn’t hesitate to plunge into the dirty stuff when in fact Mrs Head time and time again demonstrated that taking a small detour around the puddles mean’t she didn’t actually have to get her feet wet at all. Got to try that next time!
At this point I have to admit that I took a small break from writing after the effects of the hash beer, late night chocolate bars and chilli bologna buttie’s got the better of me ….. (Long Pause)! Right, now that the load is off my mind I can concentrate again! So around the hump we went and after numerous checks we come back to the lake. The a-site is straight ahead on the other side and within sight. If we turn left we more or less go back the way we came and if we go right we will have another 5km or 6km of run remaining.
The light is already starting to fade and someone in front calls On On. We follow the sounds and find ourselves on the shore of the lake …… oh oh! We are standing next to a check and people are all stumbling around in blind panic. What to do, what to do …..! A quick calculation told me that we can’t just hang around here but if we continue on trail (where ever that is) we will surely be running in the dark and will miss valuable drinking time. With the a-site being around 1km across the water I embarked on the biggest and deepest short cut I have ever, ever made.
Several minutes later and severely water logged, a few of us land at the a-site in the twilight. With beer in hand, we await the return of the others. Incredibly no one got lost although GI Joe did come back in total darkness, but in good spirits I may add.
After the usual socializing time the circle was called and we get down to the real business. First the announcements: Monkey hash in two weeks time (V.V.) and Liberace tells us about an upcoming concert in Ban Saray on Saturday 8th December. A new talented young Norwegian female singer/songwriter who is already making a name for herself will be making a special performance to cater for around 100 people. I have to say that the Norwegians have always shown generous support for various Pattaya hash clubs including the PH3 and I for one have already booked my place at the concert with Liberace. I hope a lot more hashers will also come too. It’s strange actually because I awoke this morning after dreaming of meeting Agnetha and Anni-Frid of ABBA, I think they may have been a bit younger than the present though. Strange that!
Anyway, I digress. More announcements from Horse about the upcoming Mad Hatters run where prizes will be offered to those wearing the craziest hat and punishments to those not wearing a hat at all! I believe also that there will be a special roast Pig at that event.
The RA’s take the circle and start dishing out ice punishments. I normally fade out around this time but I do remember that Emperor Airhead dealt with the ‘water’ short cutters Tampax, Honey Bear and Horse after noting that Honey Bear dived into the water even though she could not swim and had to be rescued by Horse. The Pugsly guy found himself on the ice again after being attacked in Phuket by his latest girlfriend.
Noriega took the circle and had everyone in stitches with his unique style of humour as he told us a story about following Squeeze My Tube to the run site who accidentally missed the turn. They were eventually rescued by Emperor Airhead who by the way is well known for getting lost himself most times!
Other happenings included Wank-King’s Wanker being awarded a 100 run t-shirt (well done to him) and Dave Fox was given a hash name of Love A Cock Or Two. Hash Trash awarded to Give Me One for accidentally dropping an empty water bottle on trail. A must mention is B.B. taking over the circle and dealing with all the Ex-military types. At this point Tampax is also called for being a former member of the Salvation Army (is this really true?) V.V. takes over the scribe and after he is also called, Rear Gunner takes over scribing from V.V. …. for a moment. And it’s then back to Tampax. In the meantime we think Missing Link may be pissed as he falls over in heap in the middle of the circle but we are not really sure? Worth a mention is that the ice bucket is so well used tonight that the ice has completely melted and steam can be seen rising slowly as the water settles!
With B.B. sorting out the hare song there were a few more down downs before we did the weekly hash hymn and almost everyone packed up and headed for home. With the beer truck also gone and with one circle light still remaining, the guitars came out and we gathered around Honey Bear and Crazy Pussy who were merrily busy plucking away at their strings. All the worlds problems were solved within minutes and then we too packed up and headed for home. Thanks to the hares and mismanagement for giving us a great run today. Till next time
On On Tampax