In the beginning there was God, and God created the world and the heavens and he created night and day, and on the 8th day when he had rested, He created something to fill the space between night and day, and He called it The Hash.
And so it came to be that the followers of the Hash assembled once again, far from the banks of the Jordan, to give praise and thanks to the High Priest of the hash, the GM. And the GM did speak unto his people, "Go forth and run, and whence you return wine and ale will flow freely for all good people of the hash". So the people ran and the creator looked down upon those lame and lazy that would not run and he showed his displeasure in the form of many angry cattle who trampled upon the A site, leaving behind them dust and devastation. And it was to be, that when the first of all runners did return that ale and wine was imbibed by all present; and the creator smiled upon all, happy with his Hash.
The GM did then call upon the hares to face trial for their run, and the hares did sit upon the ice, but their work was good and the crowd bestowed their thanks upon the hares. Said next, the GM, "Let any man without sin stand forth and give alms and prizes to those present", and thus did FREE WILLY arise from his bed to choose members of the flock to receive such gifts, and they rejoiced in his generosity and gave praise once again to The Hash, drinking and singing, for he had given sandals, wines and robes from all corners of the world.
A letter from EMPEROR AIRHEAD to the Philistines: Chapters 21-44, "We glorify our hares, CANNONBALL and GOLDEN RIVET but we must hold our hearts open to the ladies of the hares for they are the unseen power and without them the hares are nothing. We salute you, LOST CAUSE, TADPOLE and HOI WAN. And I say to you, as I am a hunter, that one day we will see visions of deer on the trail and no longer will we feed from the table of the VV baguette, for we shall have venison. And I called upon KARAMBA who for long has bequeathed golden drapes to the house of the TQ to embrace his family his wife and child, no longer to bring to mind dreams of how to murder your wife. And KARAMBA saw error in his ways and pledged himself to his wife and the Hash. Others amongst the crowed called to make such a pledge and in the power vested in me by the Hash I did bring new sheep into our flock, and we did name them as is our way, and we confirmed their names with cold Holy water, and we did see before our very eyes the power of the Hash as it entered their souls. We open ourselves to SQUEALS LIKE A PIG, PARISIAN TITTIE and CHIP CHIP who are not from our lands yet we now call then brothers and sister. Yet in our celebration did I see non believers who would not lift up their voices and I say unto them, those of you who gather in silence, verily you WILL raise your voices or you will be struck with the wrath of the Hash and sit in the bucket for all eternity, and your brothers and sisters of the Hash will be called to give testimony, so sing you Philistines, sing!". This is the gospel of AIRHEAD.
And then did the GM call for the ARSE BANDIT to sit upon the ice in the face of the Hash, for the ARSE BANDIT carried a broken heart which no man could mend for his wife had run to the arms of another, Alan, and he was without solace, yet vengeance he did seek. And so a quest began to find another named Alan to pay for the sins of all adulterers and so it was chosen that Alan, the RINGER OF BALLS would forever carry this burden of shame, for he too, like the adulterer has no foreskin. And the ARSE BANDIT was happy again.
The King of the Wankers, WANK-KING'S WANKER gave praise to elders amongst us for offering their souls to the Hash, and they do show the way to all. GKW had given praise at the Hash on 41 score and ten times, SFW 40 score and BEN 10, ten score. We bow before the presence of such greatness in the light of the Hash. Celebration was given to for LOST CAUSE for half a score of hares, praise be.
A great excitement had taken a hold of the crowd and it came to SCAR, another Holy man to restore order amongst the throng, and as he stepped from the crowd a deathly hush fell upon us, for we know that SCAR can bring down a mighty vengeance and place you in the bucket for the smallest of transgressions, and he knows no forgiveness. We bore witness to the power of the Holy man as he punished those not present by electing others in their stead and crowning one unfortunate soul with the glorious toilet seat for a previous trail of desecration and another for taking no heed of the Hash ethos, "We do not race, for in the sight of the Hash it is forbidden to compete. We are as one and we give our praise to the Hash, for it is the Hash that puts upon us a mighty thirst which may only be quenched with wine and ale".
And the people of the Hash called upon SCAR to administer justice to FLYING FINN who many said had been talking in tongues to non believers on quad bikes who had strayed amongst us, and so FLYING FINN took his seat on the ice and begged forgiveness. And shame was brought also to the POLLUTER OF SPERM for though he had new shoes he showed no joy in their acquirement and was put before us to drink from the shoes. As is custom he was called upon to choose a wine pourer for the ceremony but angered the Creator by his choice of an ungodly hasher with the features of a man and a woman. His penance will be to carry these cheap shoes that come from the unholy Land of China and mimic the venerated shoes of Saloman and Merrel that all true hashers will wear.
LORD CHICKEN FUCKER, the elder of all elders came before us, and we bowed our heads in respect, for we could not hear his words, yet WANK-KING'S WANKER was derided for the appearance of his hair which had mostly been removed after he had imbibed of ale too heavily, and like Samson had lost, with his tresses so dark, much of his power. Prayers were offered up for this lost soul.
And as one we sang "We call on the hares to sing us their song" but they would not sing, neither did they offer us their ring, for the ARSE BANDIT sang a song with no tune in their stead. And we looked upon them all and gave remembrance to TAMPAX who sang like an Angel in times gone before. And we wept. And we wept on into the night for the GM called upon a Jock to sing the Hash Hymn, but no amount of devotion to the Hash can make a Jock offer up this praise for to them it is blasphemy. And thus it was for the child amongst us to lead us in our final prayer, and yet still we wept more, for what has been told to us for many moons is true, it is only "one for the bus" and the guardians of the eskies were fearsome and no one dared take more. But many thirsts had not been sated and those who yearned for more did make their way unto the on on bar where there were no limits, and hashers put to one side their devotion to the Hash in return for vittles and ale. May the Hash live forever.
This is the word of the Scribe.
On-On! The Wizard