Just arrived back in Pattaya with a terrible ear and sinus infection after a long flight from Christchurch and was asked to be Scribe. It’s like déjà vue and was expecting it and was nice to take it easy and have a seat.
The hares, GOLDEN RIVET, LOST CAUSE, DUCHESS TADPOLE, and HOI WAN did a great job of setting a walkers’ trail of 4 km and a runners’ trail of 8 km. The walkers’ trail was nice and flat and wide with lots of leaves on the ground to remind me of Autumn in Christchurch. BOB-A-GOB and BURL IVES and I were chewing the fat and pondering on the rise of Extremism in the world when a sweaty, bare chested SEAL SUCKER caught up with us and sped on ahead to come in as the first runner. He had an easy time as hare yesterday so had enough energy left to beat SPEEDO PETE, SAUSAGE HEAD and the young newcomer.
After the excellent run the hares excelled themselves by providing delicious food - Kway teow and spring rolls. After a sufficient break the GM, THE WIZARD, called for the circle to be formed which it was after sometime with the usual suspects still loitering in the shadows. The first award went to GI JOE for doing a face plant witnessed by THE WIZARD and he was given the helmet to wear as HASH CRASH. VV had a hash camouflage hat as lost property that no one claimed so EMPEROR AIRHEAD sat on ice to gain it and was then promptly given the HASH TRASH award.
The GM iced the hares and thanked them for the run and the excellent food and asked the circle for opinions on the run. DIRT LOONEY was happy for once as the painting of the sticks was the best he had seen all year. SPERM POLLUTER thought it was amazing compared to yesterday’s.
CASPER and SPERM POLLUTER were up next with the Raffle. In my excitement at being back and wanting to win one of the excellent prizes I misread my numbers and was promptly iced and next number was also got wrong by TURD BURGLAR and he was iced. He said he did it to get to sit next to me. Aren’t men such liars? Legitimate winners were VELCRO DICK, SPERM POLLUTER, HOI WAN, EMPEROR AIRHEAD, SALON QUEEN, Cameron, JACK WOW, MISS USE ME and CASPER. Prizes included a power bank and a couple of bottles of spirits. The offerings have greatly improved since I was here last but isn’t it time to bring back the “Big Black Cock”?
EMPEROR AIRHEAD took the circle and awarded VV the Airhead Award for Excellence to thank him for the stirling job he does every week for the hash to keep everything running smoothly. Then the hares were iced and AIRHEAD tried to find out who did all the work. I think we already knew GOLDEN RIVET didn’t do the cooking but he was the machete man. The four virgins were then called up, Sasha and Cameron from the UK, Jocelyn from the Philippines and Nancy from Thailand.
WANK-KING’S WANKER took the circle to give the awards he forgot to give last week (what’s changed) DUCHESS TADPOLE for 600 runs and SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD for 950 runs. HOI WAN who has been running with the PH3 for over twenty years with some breaks was awarded her 5 hared runs.
LORD CHICKEN FUCKER took the circle and told lots of funny stories with very tenuous links to other hashers like the talking parrot who kept his mouth shut which what SPEEDO PETE should have done when he tried to get into Thailand once too often on a 30 day tourist visa and was marched downstairs and eventually got back in by road from China.
CHICKEN FUCKER always tries to get the girls on ice with skin and had two likely candidates from Thailand, Nancy the virgin and her friend who is ARSE-HOLEO's friend. They did their best to oblige and ended up in the bucket. BROTHERLY LOVE and SHITHEAD were side by side on the ice with references somehow to katoeys. CHICKEN FUCKER made a great deal about the smell of shit when SHITHEAD is around but I think his name has to do with all the shitty nonsense that comes out of his head.
CHICKEN FUCKER then put TRY-A-FUCK, SNAKE BITE, LIBERACE and TURD BURGLAR on the ice for lurking in the shadows and made up funny stories about TURD BURGLAR visiting the Linda Bar and using language that no self respecting woman would repeat here. Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.
GM called for the hares to sing us a song and BURL IVES came to their rescue but was overtaken by a very loud SHITHEAD. The GM called HARD ON, PHANTOM, SHE’S THE BOSS, HOME BREW and SALON QUEEN for the final down down and very wisely asked SHITHEAD to give the final song which he did very loudly and ably. He should be given the job as Hash Song Master. PHANTOM then led the Hash Hymn and it was into the Baht bus for the very noisy journey back to I-Rovers where there was more excellent food.
On-On! Sauce for the Goose