Despite it being the rainy season, the gods chose to provide the PH3 with a beautiful, dry afternoon for run 1840. The Hares were DEL BOY, ARSE BANDIT and ATOMIC MUFF DIVER (uncredited). They had selected a great A-site away from prying eyes just beyond the Polo Club.
The run was excellently papered along a trail that chiefly crossed cassava fields and palm plantations. The runners chanced using the cut, dead palm fronds as springboards as they ran and jumped in a game of Russian roulette with their ankle ligaments. There was some confusion on one of the early back checks as hashers were sent down into a dark gully, ankle deep in water, only to find the paper ceasing. After some milling around, lots of shouting and ant-like team work, the paper trail was picked up again and on we went.
If you, the reader, has ever been to a natural history museum featuring dinosaurs, then you would have seen something similar on this run. No, I am not referring to the 300-year-old seniors seated in the front row heckling the second circle. I am talking about the incredible size of the beasts that once strode the earth. Well, there was a dinosaur quality about the checks. They were enormous, probably dating back to the Mesozoic Era.
As we approached the end of the run, there was a happy ending consisting of thick mud. LIBERACE was nowhere to be seen. SEAL SUCKER short-cutted to the finish to buy up all the sandwiches so all the runners finishing behind him would have to go hungry.
A group of hares is like a marriage. You have a husband and wife and if you have three hares, then you have a mistress. Listening, understanding and compromise are necessary to achieve a happy outcome. Disagreements are inevitable.
There may be a struggle for dominance before the members of the group settle on their roles and position. One hare may grumble to his/her buddies about another hare. This is natural and normal. There may be a fist fight. This is not to be seen as necessarily negative. One hare may go to the police and make a false allegation of domestic violence in order to take control of the house and get the other hare arrested. Not all bad. After years of abuse, one hare may stab the other hare thirty-seven times. It is all run of the mill. The important thing is that all these bumps in the road can be worked through and come the day of the run, the show goes on and everybody comes together.
Plug : Check out SGT LONE WOLF’s photos now.
And so we move on to the after-run housekeeping.
EMPEROR AIRHEAD described the A-site as a peninsula which was so beautiful it made the hashers tranquil. The hares sat on the ice dumbfounded trying to figure out what the long words meant. Others suspected there could be “other reasons” for EMPEROR AIRHEAD's tranquil feeling, which only lasted another ten minutes until the time WANK-KING’S WANKER put him and GANGREEN on the ice and revengeful mutterings replaced tranquility.
The raffle was held. There are more prizes these days (another plug). 5 of the 10 winners were Harriettes. (again) What is the probability of that? Anyway, enough of these aspersions. One winner called Naen wore a podium girl outfit. Perhaps there is an idea when it comes to naming her.
PHANTOM also wore a podium girl outfit. HAPPY SURVIVOR actually knew in advance that she was a winner. The last thing we need on the PH3 is clairvoyants or mind-readers. It could lead to all end of trouble.
ARSE-HOLEO’s ex-girlfriend was named. She is now to be known as KNICKERLESS. You know, I suspect she didn’t choose that name by herself.
I mentioned earlier the 300-year-old front row. It consisted of BARNACLE BOLLOX, ANTIQUE, LORD CHICKEN FUCKER and BURL IVES. It was reminiscent of Last of the Summer Wine for you Brits. They livened proceedings by persuading KNICKERLESS to dance for the circle. There’s life in the old buggers yet.
DIRT LOONEY was awarded THE WIZARD's wanker of the week for being Scottish and spending too much time in supermarkets. Many thought this was a bit harsh but the GM’s decision is final.
UNSTABLE LOAD once again proved he is a creative genius. A couple of hashers reached milestones. BALL RINGER hit 700 runs and MR GIGGLE SHIT brought up the 50. BALL RINGER later in the evening also danced for the circle giving a rendition of his smash dance hit, the Hash Hymn.
If you didn’t get mentioned, tough. I can’t remember due to beer.
On-On! Speedo Pete