An open space, loads of parking, well scouted by LOST CAUSE, and with the local Mayor’s permission to use it as for our A site. Some incredulous looks from the passers by, as we were an exotic lot. Mostly older blokes looking like haggard and well used prostitutes. All ugly buggers, other than REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD, who looked disturbingly cute, according to the other haggis basher, DIRT LOONEY.
In the end RSB was voted the best looking tart, probably cos he was tour noi noi, according to my Esarn wife. However up close he was his normal horrible self , with outgrowing nasal hairs, a couple sporting bogies, or dried snot.
GOLDEN RIVET and WANK-KING’S WANKER both showed up looking rather fetching, as did the G.M, THE WIZARD who wore the same dress as last year, although she did change into a sky blue negligee later. She was bitching about sweating under her wig, which was soon removed. FREE WILLY was spotted looking rather excited. For once he didn’t have much to say, as all we faggots took his breath away. Strange that he haven’t seen him for a few months, then he turns up for the drag event…..
ARSE BANDIT was seen struggling with his G string. I think the stringy bit had worked it’s way up his arse. Hope he chucked it away afterwards. i apparently let myself down as my lipstick had smudged my teeth. LORD CHICKEN FUCKER strutted about in a figure hugging number, looking quite frightening, I thought.
HARD ON did a great job keeping this scribe supplied with cold beer, so he is forgiven for choosing not to wear drag. I couldn’t find the scribe’s chair, for a while as BB had borrowed it, but he was soon evicted, after much grumbling.
All in all, a great fun filled affair around a now busy part of the darkside, with lots of good natured grins from the local folk, who obviously think it’s normal for a load of ugly old men to run through the streets dressed as old girls.
The Hareiettes played a good part, with most of them dressed as men, with DUCHESS TADPOLE being confused for someone called BLACK HOLE, and looking like a Toyota mechanic. TWO TIME looked very cute dressed as Che Guivara, and competed for ladies winner with Fred Flintsone, complete with her club.
Then came the vote for the sexiest man, run by EMPEROR AIRHEAD, but unfortunately his hairy back and arms meant he never had a chance . Fortunately I was quickly eliminated, (must have been my red teeth), and one of WANK-KING'S WANKER’s inflated tits was bigger than it’s twin, so he was kicked out.
THE WIZARD was by this time was in his sleeping attire, a sort of baby doll nightie thing. God knows where it came from, perhaps he has a wardrobe of tart’s clothing, as it was much too big to be his wife’s.
GING GANG GOOLIE changed from a slutty menstrual coloured dress (suggestion from SEAL SUCKER that) into a naughty black affair, revealing his lacy underwear. BALL RINGER all this time looking a right twit in an orange coloured wig.
Wee Jimmy won hands down, and we hope he went straight home after, or he might have been molested! Hares were iced, all eight of them, with Fred Flintsone occupying the bucket with relish, cooling her obviously hot bottom.
GANGREEN gave them a very original note, with something about a woman with a shitty attitude. Sound like my missus at times. Hope she doesn’t read this. Anyway accolades for the Hares. A great job, with plenty of chalked lamp posts to guide us on our way through the dog shit. SEAL SUCKER admitted to walking most of the route, and was called a fanny by our sweaty G.M.
The raffle came next, and my dearest wife won a bottle of 100 Pipers gut rot, which may delay the divorce for a few days. It should be fine with ice and Soda water.
Soon after LORD CHICKEN FUCKER was iced, and given the Hash Crash skid lid, for breaking his toe while trying to put on his underpants. Was he drunk, you have to ask yourself?
Our good friend LIBERACE was awarded a wooden plaque, for his good work and honesty with the Hash Cash.
KARAMBA took a seat, and quite rightly so for admitting to enjoying coffee enemas, and expensive Civet cat poo Coffee, of all things. CANNONBALL took the circle and iced a pretty girl for wanting to go to the States to get married.
WANK KING’S WANKER then came in, and in his words” Just to clear the air, regaled us with a tale about a missing hasher who has recently completed 350 runs.” BANANAS was awarded a 100 run shirt, although he allegedly has more than 1200 runs with the Auckland Hash, in N.Z. DIRT LOONEY got a 5 Hares shirt, while BB regaled us with a rhyming song, and BURL IVES sang another rude song while the fat lady fell into the bucket.
On-On! Barnacle Bollox