‘The Elephant in the Room…..and whom might that be?!?’
Hares: Happy Survivor, She’s The Boss, Fuck Off & Spastic Whore King
“Without and Within – Questions and Answers on the Teachings of Theravada Buddhism” is a Buddhist Primer summarizing the predominant Thai religion/way of life and is often found in Thai hotel rooms (not unlike the tradition of having Bibles in hotel rooms throughout Christendom). The Primer has much wisdom within, collected over the last 2600 years. On page 1 is a list of ‘Blessings’, the first of which states ‘Not to associate with fools.’. The 1st and 2nd Circles at today’s event were regaled by elephants with their mahouts, and club members (as later corroborated) couldn’t help associate our erstwhile GM with Buddhist Blessing #1 and as being the true ‘Elephant In The Room’…...a perfect segue into the affairs at hand in the 2nd circle as the GM iced Soapy for crashing on the trail after being supposedly pushed by ‘some (undisclosed) fuckin’ asshole’. Meanwhile, adjacent to the Circle, Thai female Buddhist Hashers crawled under and between the legs of the elephants at hand to gain merit and further good luck in this life and in future lives too…..lest we not forget ever-prevalent political correctness so in vogue these days by stating that, “Black, red meat-eating & vegetarian white and Buddhist lives do indeed matter”!
Hash Trash was awarded to the iced culprits who lost or left HHH regalia on trail and/or in the Circle – namely Na Hee Man, Mayo Queen, Spastic Whore King and Mount Me (who wore Trash Shit because he deserved it!).
The Hares on ice were unanimously accoladed by very verbal Circle luminaries as having laid excellent walking and running trails, with the end result being a successful event; it was also noted that the hares were indeed lazy for using much of the permanent Wisdom Valley walking trail….
Today’s raffle landed 5 Thai female Hashers on ice for not wearing any HHH gear, along with ChuckWow (from Chiangmai) who had an incorrect ticket number; JackWow (not to be confused with ChuckWow) won twice and proved himself to be a consummate gentleman by forfeiting his 2nd prize to Sexy Taxi, who was also iced for being too slow with her ticket. Remaining winners don’t deserve mention save to say that GI Joe chose a tin of English tea over the sex/massage toys kit that went by default to Unstable Load as today’s final winner.
Scar with Two Ts took the circle to ice Really Sadistic Bastard for leading the Beer Hunters astray and sole HHH Virgin ‘Stanley from Tahiti’ & Stupid Kraut Cunt for being ‘fucking loud mouths’. Le Lewinsky numbed his ass for providing the Virgin an HHH T-shirt prior to the event and No Trucking Idea cooled his buns for getting lost on trail (no GPS, no trucking idea!); let us not forget Who Cut The Cheese, also iced for bribing Pattaya traffic cops on Beach Road and generating ‘fishy smells close to the ever-famous Coconut Bar at seaside’…..Unstable Load was bucketed for recently crashing his motorcycle and smashing his own face en route home, drunk, from a Gentlemen’s Club. Soapy awarded UL the Hash Crash helmet & Mr. Bean replaced UL in the bucket, for the infraction of ‘reveling in UL’s misfortune’…..
With GangGreen sniffing his own armpits, the GM ices Stanley the Virgin, Crap Thai, Ging Gang Goolie and UL (who quipped, ‘we’re not pussys’) as ‘Wanker of the Week’ candidates. Stanley for being attacked by a Lion (Ladyboy?), GGG & Crap Thai for tucking their HHH T-shirts into their shorts, and UL for having a bruised & ugly face. GGG was victorious, as was Stanley, who got the Rule 6 (no pooftas!) violator pink T-shirt for admitting that he likes Ladyboys!
Lord Chicken Fucker lords over the Virgin Stanley and demands that the Virgin use a ‘real man’s bag (from the PDH3) and not a poof’s hand bag’; Try A Fuck is iced for Hashing in flip flops, for ‘never having had a child (5 so far) nor a fuck (at least 5) in his long (70+ years) life and for being an Ysan farmer (Soapy iced with him for being the same). Sperm Polluter was iced in thanks for taking over Free Willy’s Hare Raiser responsibilities. LCF asked for any volunteers to sit on the ice or in the bucket. Only No Trucking Idea strode in, so LCF joined him to drink free beer on the ice. LCF admires the Belgians for producing great chocolate, even better beers and G strings! VV is iced, as his G string ‘goes right up his ass’ when he does so…
The GM invites Unconscious Masturbator and Pickaninny into the Circle to ask them ‘Who’s in charge of your relationship’? No definitive answer came forth so they were both iced before the GM launched into a diatribe about the vagaries of being married – Burley Chassis was acknowledged and thanked for making her annual PH3 appearance to replace Dame Liberace as registrar on a one-off act of assistance.
The GM recalled a particularly raucous marital spat when Burley Chassis screamed, “Get Out! I wish you a miserable life and want you to die slowly and painfully…..”. When the door knob hit him in the ass on his way out, he turned and asked her, “So you want me to stay then, after all?”. He then recalled his wife’s only apology to him to date: “I’m sorry I married you!”…..in closing out this touchy subject, let me share with you a further testimony from the Wizard himself: “An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, ‘Maybe, but you have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.’ The old man says without hesitation, ‘I now pronounce you man and wife’…..
The GM, ever tall, imposing and domineering, thundered into the night: “Two beers or not two beers?” – that is the question. It too was answered in action if not in words, as all the beer was indeed consumed during and after the weekly ritual of Sperm Polluter leading ‘The Final Down Down’ followed by the Hash Hymn…..one beer for the road for all and comfort food extraordinaire at Nicky’s ON ON ON washed down with further cleansing ales ensured that no Hasher (including UL, with his war wounds from the previous accident) left for home in any pain.
On On - Na Hee Man