“But in spite of all temptations
To belong to other nations,
He remains an Englishman!”
(HMS Pinafore. 1878)
Run 1939 (Antique’s year of birth?) St George’s Day 2022
Hares: Beetroot Head, Sperm Polluter, Tampax and The Wizard
First circle was called promptly by the GM. There were 5 virgin runners. Starting with the smallest, the GM asked the dark skinned little boy for his name. “Jackie” he replied. “And where are you from?” asked The Wizard, fully expecting the answer of “Thailand”. But no, the boy replied that he was from Sweden which left the GM somewhat stumped. Fortunately the 4 other virgin girls all replied that they were Thai as expected.
The call for new shoes brought in one of the above virgin girls plus Something Stupid and Something Simple. Trying to be gallant the GM suggested that Something Stupid should supply both his shoes and drink from both thus leaving himself open to the suggestion that he was looking for favours from Something Simple later on. In the end the two of them both drank with Mrs Stupid trying not to gag on her husband’s footwear.
Crap Thai announced that the 25th April was ANZAC day which commemorated those Australian and New Zealand troops who died in the battle for Gallipoli in the First World War. A moment of silence was held.
The hares were called to explain the run. Sperm Polluter with his English hat and English glasses looked like a shifty fairground stall owner (you know - the one with the coconuts glued to their bases). And off we went for a 50 minute walk or a 1 hour 10 minute run. There were large amounts of shade which were well appreciated by the runners especially on the long loop which, after 3km, deposited us back on the walker’s trail about 100m from where we had left it.
At the bucket the hares had provided traditional English food in honour of the occasion – viz Bangers and Mash, Fish and Chips, er, no, Chili Con Carne with rice. Still, it was much enjoyed and there was a queue for seconds so it must have been popular.
The GM opened the second circle with a call for Hash Crashes. Something Stupid had to step forward with a bloody knee. He had been on the Walkers’ trail and had fallen over a pineapple plant – apparently.
There was then the matter of hash trash. A bum bag (fanny pack for our American cousins) had been found. Mount Me tried to claim that he had thrown it away but got iced for it anyway.
The second item was a name tag off a bag. As it had Sperm Polluter’s name on it there was not much argument as to its owner.
Scar with 2 T’s took the circle and put the hares on the ice with Pussy Snatcher in the bucket. Both the walk and the run were commended with the shade “just the right amount” said Cinderella (Pedantic point of the week, it was actually Goldilocks who said this).
Sperm Polluter took over and called in Ping Pong (I wonder how she got her name) for her 50th run T-shirt.
Then it was the highlight of the day for all the ladies as the Waffle was started. Little Jackie did the honours for drawing the tickets. Lost Cause’s ticket was first out of the box and she claimed the orgasmic floating balls with great glee. The most interesting item of all was a hash book covering the history of PH3 from inception. The GM offered to swap that for a bottle of wine so it could go to the hash anals – sorry, annals.
Emperor Airhead iced the hares while he produced an American view of St George and a long spiel about Free Willy and a white horse and a police car.
He then iced Cement Head and his lady friend who got named “Just One More Drink”
Then it was Byron’s turn. Or Bi Ron as he pronounced it. Nice to have friends in the circle. Anyway, after checking with the circle the name of Black Cock Down was awarded (a reference to a 2001 film called Black Hawk Down which itself referenced a helicopter crash during an American incursion into Mogadishu in 1993 – end of history lesson).
Dirt Looney and Pussy Snatcher were then called in to be thanked for their ongoing work on the website and the directions each week (although my Google map dropped me at the 3240/331 junction instead of 2.5 km further North).
Scar with 2 T’s called the hares in again for inappropriate music heralding our return. Apparently Bon Jovi is an American Rock Band and not an English one.
Wasted White Sperm tried to explain how he had a new Thai girlfriend and that he paid her but still didn’t get any sex. This man still has a bit to learn about Thailand.
YMCA was iced for making rude comments about the recent Scandahooligan 12 hour pub crawl. Something about whether it was an officially sanctioned hash event or not.
The GM brought in all those returning home soon which included Scar with 2 T’s who was off back to Norway with Bell Star to run his campsite and work in a local asylum (not sure if Scar was a temporary inmate or the bedpan cleaner). Also returning “home” was Beetroot Head to work as a decorator and Kilt Lifter who was going to Angola.
A visitor called Wild Wolf was iced as a “well known hasher” and he was serenaded by GI Joe singing “I’ve got a song that’ll get on your nerves” - repeated ad nauseam until it did just that.
The Wanker of the Week Award came next. Stupid Kraut Kunt (SKK) seems to think he is part of FKK these days and tries to expose himself to all and sundry at every occasion. He ended up in the bucket. Shitlips was called in “for reference” whatever that means and Fleece Lifter was awarded the W of TW but I can’t remember why as I was sitting on the ice instead of taking notes! The spoon was unavailable as SKK had forgotten to bring it – what a pillock – who would do something stupid like that?
Happy Survivor got a birthday cake to celebrate her upcoming birthday on Wednesday. I shall draw a veil over how old she really is. Hashy Birthday anyway.
Last but not least, Sperm Polluter made awards as follows;
Ninja Princess received her T-shirt for 50 runs with the PH3
The Wizard – 20 hared runs
Something Stupid – 50 runs
Sexy Mountain – 25 runs
And from there it was all downhill with the hares’ song, the final down down and Swing Low.
Another shitty night in the tropics!
On On Shitlips