A grizzled old hasher leant over to me as I was scribbling notes in the circle and said that there was no need to record everything as Dirt Looney was doing it anyway. “Just tell a story” he said. So here’s a story for the old fart:
Twas a dark and stormy night and the Captain said to the Bosun, “Bosun, tell us a story” and the Bosun began. Twas a dark and stormy night… Happy now Burl Ives?
Great A-site with plenty of shade for the assembled throng. The GM called the first circle and pulled 4 virgins (that’s what my notes say). Then it was New Shoes with Shitlips and GI Joe called in. The latter tried to blame Squeeze My Tube but unless she wears an American Shoe Size 10 this seems unlikely.
The beer hunters were in a state of excitement as the beer shop was just metres away on the main road. Interestingly, there are now a good proportion of lady beer hunters. Opinion was divided as to whether it was the taut, lithe physiques of Velcro Dick and Emperor Airhead that was attracting them or the Gallic charms of Something Stupid or the poetic Really Sadistic Bastard. Possibly it was none of the above – just the cold beer and by golly did some of them get stuck into it!
The runners run was described as “hard” and so it proved. Fortunately the walkers trail was shorter than advertised – a common complaint among the ladies. First home on the runners trail was Herring Choker closely followed by Fleece Lifter wearing his usual Christmas Hash shirt. Last home was the Banana couple. Maybe they were looking for bananas in the bush or just putting bananas in the bush – I don’t know but they were both smiling.
The hares had kindly sponsored food supplied by VV. A veritable spread with no fewer than 14 different dishes. Thanks hares and VV.
The GM got the main circle underway with a call for Hash Crashers. Unfortunately Shitlips had fallen over right behind the GM so he was iced and helmeted. Apparently he had fallen over a root. “best root of the day” said one wag.
The hares, as usual got iced despite the verdict of a good, if hard, run.
Then it was time for the Waffle and orgasm time for many of the girls. The sweetest (pun intended) part was when Happy Survivor donated her prize of the biscuits to Bruce Lee. “Grooming” the GM was heard to remark.
Emperor Airhead took over and did his usual forensic examination of the hares. He then called in Lady Drink, Lady Mao and one of the beer hunting virgins all of whom were doing their best to get their 150 Baht’s worth.
Then came two old farts – Bald Fokker from Holland who claimed to have hashed in 50 countries and who rated Ghana his favourite African country and Chicken Shit who had been running since 1985
Back to the GM who gave Smokey Trucky Fucky a beer for his 62nd birthday. “Doesn’t look a day over 70” shouted someone.
Wanker of the Week was contested by Miserable C*nt and Pussy Snatcher along with Spastic Whore King who won last week. Pussy Snatcher won by a mile having said he would do hash flash on the Runners Trail and then taking the Walkers Trail.
Sperm Polluter called in Ball Ringer for 800 runs, Spastic Whore King for 5 hared runs and Velcro Dick to receive his resized T shirt from a few weeks ago
The GM iced Shitlips and Limp Dick for imminent departures from Paradise. Both promised to return.
Sperm Polluter iced the GM, Crap Thai, Wild Wolf and Shy Tiger for various misdemeanours on the run
The hares’ song was a short and ungainly dance although both the words and the tune escape me.
On On to the Betty Boop run next week. The GM has raided Burley Chassis’ wardrobe and has promised to turn up in fishnet stockings and a pink negligee! If that doesn’t put you off On On to next week.