The Shy Tiger HASH Run #1957 August 29, 2022
Snuggled deep inside an Palm Oil Plantation, The ‘A’ Site was an idyllic safe haven from the summer storms that have pounded much of Thailand. While the rain poured, the HASHers had come prepared, with all sorts of tents and awnings for protection. Wise souls took shelter aboard the Baht Busses while others adorned themselves with colourful condoms to ward off the spray. One thing that was not dampened was the HASHer spirit.
The one person who seemed completely oblivious to the exposure was, Herring Choker who paraded about shirtless, paying no heed to the downpour. Hope he hasn’t caught cold by today. The rains only persisted for about 45 minutes. They ceased and went away almost as quickly as they had come. After that we were treated to a refreshing brilliant sunshine. Then it was back to the business of the HASH as usual.
It should be noted at this point, that Shy Tiger and Herring Choker stepped up to hare a trail for us during a season of persistent downpours and when no one else was available to do so. So, a heartfelt thanks goes out to Herring Choker and Shy Tiger for stepping up this way.
The trail provided was welcomed by all. We all know Herring Choker loves hills, so we were not surprised when the trail went vertical. The runners and walkers appreciated the route. But, no one appreciated the trail more than the Beer Hunters.
Returners, Bavarian Bastard and his son, Rudi Voeller came back in style. They brought a few bottles of Jägermeister for the HASHers to enjoy. A very cool way to come back!
Speaking of really flashy comebacks, Blow Lewinsky came back in style. He was brought forward on to the ice for HASH Trash. He somehow managed to leave behind his chair, shirt and his hotels towel! Way to go mate! Go big or go home, right?
Not to be outdone, the resident queen of new shoes and forgetting things behind, Cocktail, reclaimed a pair of shoes and a shirt she claims were left behind by her sister. Sure!
Despite the heavy rain creating twin rivers which flowed through the HASH’s “A” Site, no one owned up to slipping and falling on trail. If I wasn’t afraid of the risk from electrocution, I would have demanded that everyone in attendance submit to a polygraph examination. Does anyone really believe that no one fell on trail?
The GM, The Wizard went around the circle and asked participants how they felt the trail was? Everyone said that Shy Tiger and to some extent Herring Choker laid a pretty well papered trail. Really an impressive feat considering the torrential downpours of the day! And yet, by the time the circle was convened, two experienced HASHers, Crap Thai and Golden Rivet had yet to return from trail! The Wizard called Brotherly Luv to sit in the bucket for setting an arrow that likely was the culprit in getting Crap Thai and Golden Rivet lost. Brotherly Luv assured the group that he had, in fact, indicated the most direct route back to the “A” site and that he was not, in fact, trying to sabotage his fellow HASHers.
Spastic Whore King voiced his opinion that, Herring Choker had misrepresented his trail to the group. In fact, accusing, Herring Choker of lying to the HASHers when he had said that the trail would be easy.
Dirt Looney voiced his dissatisfaction with the way the sticks, used by Herring Choker to mark the false trails and back checks, had been poorly marked. That the sticks were too thin and that the paint was poorly visible.
The Wizard asked Necrophillia Night Rider how his run went? “No idea”, came the drunken reply. Appears Night Rider forgot he was on a run.
Seal Sucker was the next to be asked about how he had enjoyed the run by The Wizard? Seal Sucker said that the run had been ‘trying’. That the brownies, provided by Shy Tiger were far better.
The Wizard blundered in to Pickaninny and asked her to comment on the run. Without skipping a beat Pickaninny replied, “Little up and down.” That drew a roar of approval from the crowd, who quickly quipped additional comments to the effect of, ‘Pickaninny knows all about going up and down’!
All these complaints, listed above, might present a false account of the quality of the run. While I am duty bound to faithfully recount the details of conversations which took place around the circle. It would be bad faith not to report the tone of those discussions. People really did enjoy the trail and were very satisfied with the run. The above conversations were tongue in cheek.
The next phase of the circle was the ever popular lottery.
Proving once and for all that the lottery is, ”Corruption!” Shy Tiger won the first raffle draw prize. She promptly gathered up the coveted folding chair. And, as if we didn’t need further proof of ”Corruption!” Vietnamese Violator won the second prize; taking the cookies I so hoped to enjoy. Pink Head won the third prize, and scooped up a beautiful black shirt with the PH3 logo emblazoned on it. Fourth came our lovely Mountain Flower, who, and was there ever any doubt, took the whiskey! Then came Mayo Queen, grabbing a prize and Shithead, who won the cider.
No HASH raffle would be complete without some poor sod blundering into the ring with the wrong number. And on this occasion, this blunder was awkwardly handled by, returner, Not Long enough, whose blurred drunken vision prohibited him from seeing his number correctly. Thankfully, the same intoxication that blurred, Not Long Enough’s vision, served him well, numbing the effects of the ice bucket he wound up in. Ulf Brauckhoff, who really needs a HASH name, won. Finally, Mount Me won the microwaveable popcorn.
Emperor Airhead took the circle next. Airhead promptly iced the hares. Emperor Airhead demanded to know if, Herring Choker had forced Shy Tiger to work with him on setting the trail? Pointing out that if he had done so, Herring Choker may have violated child labour laws!
Emperor Airhead next iced, Night Rider for bringing chairs to the HASH, while not being here next week to do so again! Night Rider had to correct him, telling Emperor Airhead that he, Necrophilia Night Rider would be here next week and would again, supply chairs. Then, Night Rider went on to discuss how he might go to Soi 6 instead. Emperor Airhead pointed out that Necrophilia Night Rider might just end up on Soi 6 that night!
Airhead then turned his attention to the Bitch Hunters; his new name for the Beer Hunters. Emperor Airhead called Mountain Flower and her bitch, Gangreen onto the ice. Airhead asked, Mountain Flower if she was satisfied with Gangreen’s performance? Gangreen called out,”Not the bitch she wanted, but the bitch she got!” Then, Airhead called in Pink Head and Mount Me to join him, seated on the ice. Emperor Airhead enquired of Pink Head if she was pleased with her bitch? Well, of course she is!
Next, Emperor Airhead chose to reward Bavarian Bastard and Rudi Voeller for supplying Jäegermeister to the group by icing the bastards!
Emperor Airhead asked Bavarian Bastard where they were from in, Germany. Bavarian Bastard stumbled over his reply, seeming unable to provide Airhead with his origin. To which, Emperor Airhead exclaimed, “It’s not a, Nazi secret! You can tell us!”
The Wizard called out Barbara Scorpioni and Happy Survivor for not being able to clam up during the circle. The two women laughed hysterically, but managed to stifle any further commentaries.
Fleece Lifter next took the circle. He called in Blow Lewinsky, Seal Sucker and Wild Wolf to have a seat on the ice. Fleece Lifter interrogated the trio over their ludicrous travel arrangements to a birthday party on the, Dark Side last Saturday night. The gang had hired a Baht bus to drive them out there, but had not been able to supply the driver with correct directions. It took them over two hours to arrive and then they had no way of getting back! They truly deserved the ice for that one. Seal Sucker said that the group was planning to do the same thing again this weekend!
The Wizard then summoned the returners and bid them have a seat on the ice: Well Plugged, Smelly Cod Piece, Boring Wanker, and Not Long Enough. They were glad, I imagine, to be so coolly welcomed back.
The Wizard then singled out Blow Lewinsky for providing cookies, in a reverse birthday gift to the group. And, Shy Tiger to thank her for her delicious brownies. The Wizard asked Shy Tiger what ingredients she had used in preparing the brownies. Tiger provided a list of ingredients, but not the marijuana we all felt the brownies had probably been laced with.
The circle was then handed over to Herring Choker so that he might lead the group in song. A tradition of the hares. Herring Choker blurted out a line from a ditty and then rambled on sharing a story to the gathering.
A good deed doesn’t just go unpunished, it gets repeatedly punished. So it was that our GM, The Wizard called Bavarian Bastard and Rudi Voeller back to their seats on the ice to praise them for bringing strong drink. Something Stupid turned his back to the circle at that moment, so The Wizard promptly iced him for his crime.
The Wizard then brought all in attendance in on a dirty little secret. Pulling: Something Stupid, Something Kinder, and Pink Head in to the circle to sit on the ice. The Wizard promptly began to regale us all with a sordid story of jealousy and forbidden love. Apparently, Something Stupid was upset at learning the Something Kinder and Pink Head had gone on a little vacation together, during which they had shared a room.
The Wizard closed the evening’s entertainment with the, ‘Final Down Down’ song. Thus ended a great evenings HASH.
On On Mount Me