The first circle was called under cloudy and hazy skies….
As the hashers gathered round a lone cow lurked on the eastern fringes of the circle.
The regular announcements were proclaimed by The Wizard and the cow chimed in as well…
Mooooo . . . .moooooo
3 Virgin ladies were introduced to much fanfare from the audience and better than half a dozen pairs of new shoes stepped forward to collect a free beer. This was followed by the introduction of the Irish and Irish Imposter Hares and we were guaranteed an all downhill trail.
The trail was well laid through varied agricultural terrain with several mostly dry creek crossings and perhaps a bit too much loose sand. It was, by the way, definitely not all downhill. The On-In culminated with a climb out of a gully via a rope tied to the bumper of a pick-up truck. Completion of this last obstacle was rewarded with a shot of whisky and quickly followed up with a delicious Irish Coffee as the hashers trotted into the A-site.
As the light of day was fading and all the hashers had been fed the GM called the second circle. The Hares were the first to bless the ice with their pale white asses as they had yet to prepare the down-downs. Their torture didn’t last long because they had a job to do. Hash Crashers consisted of the usual suspects with the addition of Crack Of, who apparently fell off a cliff, and Tractor Man who’s hash crash story sounded dubious at best. Hash Trash was dispensed with next during which time the Scribe gained a new pen, a pair of gloves was binned, Ging Gang Goolies collected his glasses, and Something Kinder belatedly claimed her fanny pack and was sent to the bucket for the delay. The Hares were then given the opportunity to hear comments from the circle which were generally positive however it was noted that the trail was not entirely Irish and thanks was given that they only hare once a year! The Raffle was rather riotous with a Virgin winner fawning over the GM then falling into the lighting rig.
After much chatter and laughter, and another round of whisky, the circle was handed over to Emperor AirHead whereupon he called the hares back to the ice once again. His ritualized abuse of the questionably Irish bunch was momentarily interrupted by the arrival of three stragglers who had been lost on trail. It was well after dark and how they made it back is anyone's guess! Next the business of new hash names was handled with the sister of Cocktail being christened as Cocktail Jr. and the son of Mountain Flower shall be known as Manchester City. The background of Bernard from France (Aviation Mechanic) and Carl from Germany (KY Jelly aficionado) was then probed for information useful in next week’s naming ceremony.
At this point the GM retook the circle to consecrate the holy matrimony of Just One More Drink & Cement Head who had not asked for permission before eloping last week. This transgression was forgiven and the couple was anointed with holy water of the Nestle variety. The circle was graced with a full moon as Cement Head shuffled from the ice with his shorts around his ankles.
The great and terrible Scar w/2Ts then took the circle with his signature Scandinavian flamboyance. Fun and punishment was meted out in equal measure to those so deserving. Clothing violations included Crack Of for no hash shirt and Panzer for wearing a Swamp shirt. Chatter in the circle did not go unnoticed with the Hares being warned and the Scribe being told to use his pen not his mouth. The Hash Odd Couple, Brotherly Love and Stupid Kraut Cunt, were invited to the ice to discuss their recent union as partners in rent. And of course the Hares were again subjected to turns in the bucket as the lost walkers (or is it wankers) stood by looking a bit worse for wear. Meanwhile somewhere out in the night there were still two more stragglers making a desperate bid to find their way back to the A-site.
The GM stepped in for a quick interlude to announce that Herring Choker will continue his reign as Wanker of the Week on account of Shy Tiger being missing with little to no explanation.
No More Cum then stepped forth to bring the Clockwork Orange vibe to the circle. And just as he did the last of the lost return to the A-Site. Diesel Dick and his Virgin were put on the ice. She confessed to being an enthusiastic drunk and virgin and was therefore named Happy Virgin. The travels of Anal Cheese and Stupid Kraut Cunt were then discussed with much questioning of their mode of transport and choice of travel coordinator.
As the hour was getting late,and the scribe was running out of paper, the GM took back the circle announcing the upcoming birthday of Arse Van Hole who extended an invite to Monta Burger on Friday at 5pm for a celebration. Pole Fucker and Paprika Smiley were recognized for 10 hared runs. At this point the Hares were called on to sing us a song . . . and those bastards sure did sing. This was quickly followed by the closure of the eskies and then straight into the Hash Hymn being led by none other than Ben 10.
The baht buses were then cranked up and the Hashers given the opportunity of one more beer for the road.
On-on Caroline!