Scribe Report by Mount Me
Anticipation for the, 2000th Run was extremely high. The first bus was scheduled to leave at 13:00hrs. Two buses were loaded and departed shortly after 12:30, with a third bus almost filled right away. Streams of colourful, HASH shirt wearing visitors could be seen streaming to the bus stop from all quarters; much to the amusement of locals. Usually, a Monday HASH draws a crowd of around 90-100 and occupies 4 to 5 busses. For the, 2000 HASH run, nearly 300 HASHers attended and 16 buses were called upon by our, Transport Coordinator, G.I. Joe.
Once at the, ‘A’-site, the buses came rapidly, one-after-another. HASHers were very patient with registry. Pussy Snatcher had the bright idea of creating a second registry line, which, Crap Thai manned, to register prepaid HASHers. As a result, things went quickly and smoothly. For the, ‘A’-site, we were treated to the, Burapa Bikers Club, camp site. There was not a lot of shade, but enough shade was found to afford people a respite from the sun. And it was sunny! Probably the sunniest day we have had in awhile. The breeze made it feel far more comfortable though.
There were three runs set up, by Hares: Crap Thai. G.I. Joe. Lady Squeeze My Tube. Dirt Looney. V.V. and, She’s the Boss. A 5K trail for the walkers. An 8K run and an 11K run. The trails and checks were well marked. We know they were well marked because, G.I. Joe didn’t get lost! Gangreen led the, Beer Hunters. Anxious to get to the bar, Gangreen left, with a contingent of, Beer Hunters before the circle ended. As a result, a few stragglers had to employ a third Baht Bus to catch up to the Hunters at the bar!
Grand Master, The Wizard, called for our circle. He began with calling out, HASH Trash. Wrong Way was iced for forgetting his beer caddy. Chuckaow was called out for loosing his name tag. Dead Gump was chastised for dropping his, HASH shirt. Flasher also left behind some, HASH gear and was treated to a ride on the ice for that. Humorously, Spastic Hoar King was called forth for leaving his lottery winnings, a fan, behind last week.
Next, the HASH crashes were rewarded with a cool butt load of ice for their mishaps on trail. Banana Rider and Titanic Dick Head managed to fall over the small rise right at the dry start of the run. Sergei, One-Shot, Chuchwaow , Annarector, Climb in a Can and Caroline were amongst others rewarded with ice for their lack of coordination. An honourable mention must go to, Hot Hope, who manages to crash and ice on every outing. I think a slab of ice should be reserved for her after so many, HASH Crashes.
The Hares were then rewarded for their very fine efforts, on such an important HASH, with a second ride upon the ice. The Wizard canvassed the crowd for reactions following going out on trail. Happy Survivor remarked on how much she enjoyed the trail, until her pussy got wet; referencing the water on course. The Wizard called on, General Kidney Wiper to contribute to the trail report. The Wizard asked if he, Kidney Wiper had been chased by the dogs? The crowd yelled out that Kidney Wiper looks like a bone, so of course the dogs would chase after him! Dead Gump complained that there were not enough snakes on trail. Keep the Change said the trail was excellent, but, Dead Gump said that it was,”Fucking Boring!”
Next came the ever popular lottery. I love how, since the introduction of the lottery, a new vocabulary has entered in to, The HASH lexicon. We now joke that the next ticket is a yellow ticket; they are always yellow. And the suggestion of, ’Corruption’ is always called out, in Stupid Kraut Kunt’s, growling manner. Lady Squeeze My Tube won the perfume. Panzer Fister won the stereo. Pol Dancer grabbed up an alcohol prize, as did, Cocktail. They will know how to put those to good use.
Emperor Airhead always begins each session by icing the, Hares. V.V. Rushed out to grab a seat on the ice; probably hoping to get a chunk of the flat stuff rather than being subjected to the bucket. Emperor Airhead commented on how, “energetic” the Hares are; all except for, Crap Thai. “How did you get involved?” Emperor Airhead demanded of, Crap Thai. The group settled on, Crap Thai’s having a car as the likely reason for his inclusion.
Next, Emperor Airhead called upon a few of the original, HASHers: Rotten Banana. Barnacle Bollox. Prince of Darkness. and, General Kidney Wiper.
Visiting, HASH members from, Subic Bay and, Corona HASH, in, The Philippines, were in attendance. The Wizard acknowledged their attendance, along with others. Rasputin, was singled out; having come all the way from, Norway to attend the HASH. The Filipina ladies were requested to warm the ice as thanks for their attendance. Crazy Pussy. Dicker Licker. Rubber Tits. Come on My Back. Feed the Children. Annarector. Climb in a Can. Two Hump. Lost Sou Sou. Not Yet. Along with our very own, Banana Rider and Leg Over.
Sperm Polluter took over the circle to recognize members who have exceeded milestones: Slug, 50 runs. Fireman, 50 runs. Testicles, 100 runs. Something Stupid, 100 runs. Professor Pinky, 100 rus. Pol Dancer, 100 runs. Ping Pong, 100 runs. Hoi Wan, 200 runs. Dragon, 50 runs. And, Miss Use Me, 300 runs.
The Wizard honoured, Hot Wheels, for going out on trail.
For, Wanker of the Week, Sauce for the Goose, was invited on to the ice; as last weeks award holder. Blow Lewinsky was called in, for driving to the wrong ‘A’-site location on, Sunday. Soapy, for falling asleep at, Subway for two hours. Drag Queen for nodding off at the HASH On-On bar. Going Gang Goolies for slumbering during last weeks circle, And, Crap Thai for passing out at, I-Rovers, wandering off without his house keys and having to haunt the lobby of his condo until the bar reopened. Guess who won? Crap Thai, of course!
George was named, Horse with no Name.
Fleece Lifter and Caroline were iced. As, Caroline is, assistant to the, GM of, The Jungle HASH. He was presented with a cut-out, Fleece Lifter face to help in his role.
Fleece Lifter decided that, since, Emperor Air Head had called upon the, Filipina ladies, he should acknowledge the, Thai ladies in the group. All the, Thai ladies came to have a seat on the ice. Hysterically, after, The Great Nit had a seat, Lost Cause came over and gave her a ride; straddling her legs and bucking like a bronco.
The, absolutely wonderful conclusion to, The 2000 Run came when, Dirt Looney led the, Hares in song and we all closed out with the, HASH Hymn. I can’t wait for the, 3000 Run!
On On Mount Me
Scribe Report by Shit Lips
Hash Trash 28th June 2023
Run 2000th (or 20,000 as it said on the website)
Red Dress Run
The first “run” of the weekend started from High Rollers with the ex-manager Sperm Polluter looking disturbingly sweet in his tight red dress.
Huge boobs were on show – at least 1000cc of injection (per boob). Mount Me, Milky Piss, Dirt Looney and Dead Gump had all been to the doctors for their coconuts.
No Banana had a pair of silicon stick on boobs which were quite modest in size. And talking of modesty he refused to take his shorts off despite having a dress on. Banana Rider claimed her boobs were unenhanced but declined to prove it.
The Wizard had on his one-piece for all occasions – red dress runs, fancy dress parties (where, presumably he goes as Merlin), and probably his night gown during the winter months.
Arse Van Hole looked particularly fetching with an off the shoulder number. He had even shaved the hair off his arms for the occasion. Nurse Ratshit had the most revealing costume of a diaphanous dress with a VERY small pair of pants underneath.
The run was billed as 5km but I doubt it was any more than half of that. Thank goodness as it was swelteringly hot in the afternoon sun shining down on the concrete. The route had been changed at last minute due to a Pride march along Beach Road which the GM felt we shouldn’t gate crash.
I followed Dirt Looney so the first bar I stopped in was TQ’s where, surprisingly, there was no sign of Emperor Airhead. Then it was on to Kubla’s, then to High Rollers to pick up the bags and over the road to June’s Cocktail bar where she had kindly laid on pizzas. Thanks to all the bar owners for hosting us.
2000th Run
The location for this run was on the hillside overlooking gently rolling countryside. The owner of the land usually uses it for Burapa motorbike events but seemed happy enough to host something over 200 hashers.
For the record VV brought along 8 blocks of ice and no less than 60 bags of cube ice. There were 5 food stalls each with a different style of food. (Many thanks ladies for your hard work preparing all the food). There were 2 beer trucks and no fewer than 18 baht buses.
Three runs had been laid – an 11km long run, a 7km medium run and a 5km walk. There was the usual contingent of Beer Hunters.
The medium run that I did was, thankfully, largely in the shade which helped a lot as we were running an hour earlier than usual. The trail was well marked and well thought out with Crap Thai kindly standing at the split to ensure the long and medium runners did not go astray.
Back at the bucket there was a fair wait for the first front runner (Seal Sucker) and a big cheer when he arrived and the eskys opened. Snacks were in short supply (see below).
After the food the circle was opened by the GM following the usual format.
So it was Hash Trash to start with and 2 visitors fronted up followed by Dead Gump who had left his shirt behind. Last week’s raffle prize was linked to Spastic Whore King who denied it but manfully took his seat on the ice. Flasher claimed a hash bag (difficult to deny as it had his name on it).
Hash Crashers included Caroline, Banana Rider, Titanic Dick Head, Sergei and a further 7 hashers. There weren’t enough hats and toilet seats to go round so at least 3 crashers got the drainpipe treatment – Banana Rider managed to miss her mouth entirely and Sergei, who was sitting behind her, copped the lot.
The hares were then iced whilst the GM lengthily asked the circle for comments. Best comment came from Happy Survivor who said she got a wet pussy on the run. As She’s the Boss was a hare and not on the run this comment raised a few eyebrows to say the least.
Thanks were offered to the Burapa Club man and owner of the land who was sitting in the trees watching the proceedings.
There was an up-market selection of Waffle prizes including ladies and men’s running shoes, foldable seats, good quality booze and some perfume. This last prize was won by Squeeze My Tubes who promptly dropped both boxes on the ground. Other winners I did not record as I had Lost Cause standing right behind me trying to charm her ticket out of the bag at full volume.
Emperor Airhead took the circle and iced the hares but not for long. He then called in the Indonesian visitors (4 of them) and then the oldest hashers in the circle. Oldest, that is, in terms of when they first ran with Pattaya Hash. Barnacle Bollox had his first run in June 1984 on run number 8. Prince of Darkness (aka The Pimp)did run 29 which coincidentally was Airhead’s first run. Rotten Banana first ran on number 45 while General Kidney Wiper did run 105.
A spare Norwegian named Rasputin got iced next but a much prettier selection came next with all the Filipina ladies. Most were from Corona Hash with a great selection of names including Crazy Pussy, Knicker Licker, Rubber Tits, Come on my Back and Not Yet. Airhead was mightily impressed.
Sperm Polluter recognized Slug (50 runs) Fireman (50 runs) and Testicles (100 runs)
He then distributed shirts to Miss Use Me, Dragon, Something Stupid, Professor Pinky, Pol Dancer and Ping Pong.
The GM called Hot Wheels into the circle and iced him. As the hangover run on Sunday was all on paved roads this was his first actual run with the hash.
Then all the committee got iced (with the exception of the GM) as a reward for their services to the hash. Pussy Snatcher was given a special mention as the non-provider of the after run snacks.
Said Pussy Snatcher took the circle and promptly iced the GM.
Time next for Wanker of the Week. Sauce for the Goose who won it last week for her spectacle at the cinema was happy to hand over the wooden spoon to Crap Thai who had managed to lose, on separate occasions in the past week both his wallet and his keys. Mind you, I thought Ging Gang Goolies should have been a stronger contender after falling asleep throughout last week’s circle.
George, son of Horse was named next. He ended up with “Horse with no name”. Personally I thought “Son of Horse” should have been considered or possibly “Boy George”.
Fleece Lifter and Caroline were asked to explain how they were co-GM’s of the Jungle Hash. In the fading light they were given GM face masks using his post covid uncut hair and beard look which was a pretty scary sight.
Fleece Lifter called in all the Thai ladies. It was amazing how many of them suddenly claimed to be from Lao! The ladies were serenaded by Spastic Whore King with his version of YMCA – or “My DNA” as he sang it.
The hares song produced a new singer (for me) in the form of Dirt Looney who managed to offend all nationalities in the space of 5 minutes using the tune of that old German folk song The Happy Wanderer – you know,
Mein Vater war ein Wandersmann
Und mir steckt's auch im Blut etc
And then it was time for the final down down and the hash anthem before heading off to Hustler’s for yet more beer and food
A big thank you to the 2000th run committee for all their hard work over many weeks.
On On to the 40th Anniversary run in January next year.
Shit Lips