Run 2049
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Fuck this morse code shit, I can only do “old school”. In case you have no idea what I am talking about, last week’s hash sheet was written in morse code. I know there was a great amount of work went into it, but I am from an older generation and have to hack away at the keyboard of the computer, one finger at a time and my knowledge of morse code is dot, dot, dot; dash, dash, dash; dot, dot, dot and this only because I watched the movie TITANIC.
I volunteered to be hash scribe this week because you get a free run. This equates to the price of a bottle of gin, which for me is the carrot and the stick. But, and this is a big butt (yes I do like them), you now get one of these new special PH3 Scribe pens. As Dirt Looney informed me, there is a limited supply of these, and I thought I would get in quick. So, guys and girls, do not hang back, volunteer quick to get one of these collector’s items. Who knows what they will go for on eBay.
This week’s A-site was just round the corner from me, at Rompho market, and it was a Betty Boop run (Number 27). This means we had an option of dressing in drag and getting a free run. Alright, now I am sounding like a Scotsman, trying for all these free run options. Okay, guilty and guilty. So, I was going for the cross dressing. My dilemma was, how do I get from my accommodation to Rompho market without copping abuse, or even propositioned? So, it was a case of mind over matter and thought On On MacDuff. I just imagined I was Braveheart, but in a skirt and not a kilt.
I arrived at a great A-site at the end of the market. But my next concern was, is my attire good enough to qualify for a free sign up? Looking around, fucking hell! Some of these fellow hashers are hot!!! But in a perverse sort of way, as I was talking about the guys.
Fuck off! Only kidding, but the effort and effect by some of these hashers was truly mind boggling. Rule 6 came to mind. Not to mention 6.1; 6.2 and 6.3. Anyway, the GM The Wizard dispelled all my worries, as he was dressed in what one could only call…… well I am not sure, but there is only one rule. The Grand Master is always right. So, it seems that mine was okay.
The hares Something Stupid, Burley Chassis and The Wizard explained the run markings which were a combination of chalk, shredded paper and printed cards and we were off. There were two runs. One for walkers and the other for runners. I went on the runner’s trail, which was in and out of various sois in Jomtien. Unfortunately, I was at the front with Bubbles, so we missed the reaction from the locals, who must have been wowed by the many chic creations that were on display. Admittedly, the locals who must have seen all sorts of abhorrent antics, might just have had the “wow factor” raised a noticeable notch.
Not forgetting the beer hunters, who were aptly led by the Dynamic Duo of Gangreen, (Missing his usual Korean bride’s dress) and Sir Really Sadistic Bastard, who looked like an aged Marilyn Monroe with La Reunion hash socks stuffed in her bra.
Back at the A-site, after a decent cooling down period, then it was time for the second circle.
Shithead, who was a lying snitch, was first on the ice. Then he was joined by hash trashers, Eating Monster, Happy Survivor, Ging Gang Goolies and Cocktail.
G.I. Joe then took over the circle and iced the hares. No bad comments.
Raffle time. Great prizes, of which, I won none. What is happening here? This is my fifth week in a row and I have won absolutely zilch. I much preferred it in the old days, when I used to win every week and Free Willy was running it and well, it might have been rigged!!!
Then it was Emperor Airhead’s circle and the much-anticipated drag guys’ contest. There were so many contestants with many variations. These ranged across the spectrum from the gross to the “not too bad.” (Think the beer was kicking in here). After about three elimination rounds, Spastic Whore King was the eventual winner. Somehow, he had flashing lights adorning his creation. Think about a cross between Haute Couture and a Christmas tree. Nah, maybe not. Just think Slut.
Next it was the girl’s contest. What a shame. Only four made any attempt. The winner was Two Time. Great prizes for these two with Spastic Whore King to be ultimate champion winning a tiara and a sash.
EA then brought in the hares who received nothing but praise. Next on the ice was Necrophilia Night Rider, who had changed his wicked wicked ways and been domesticated by his new girlfriend. Well, the good news is, that, that is all history. NNR is back and the girls of Soi 6 have been celebrating his return to the old days of decadent deeds.
The GM then iced Pussy Snatcher, who was hungover, so could not run and wanted to go with the beer hunters. Alas, he was too slow, even to catch up with them. At this point, the beer had started to kick in and some noisy ones aka Milky Piss, Slave Trafficker and SRSB copped a seat on the ice for their disruptive behaviour.
Sperm Polluter then congratulated Shithead for achieving 50 runs and Dirt Looney for 400 runs. Well done guys.
Up next, it was time to choose “Wanker of the Week.” Because of the excessive talking around the perimeter of the circle, the choices were GI Joe, Barnacle Bollox, Fleece Lifter, Who cut the cheese and the eventual winner, Irregular Period.
Wrapping things up, it was the hare’s song, which was Dirty Old Town. Kind of appropriate for Pattaya no?
Finally, Sperm Polluter led us into “the final down down.”
Just down the road, the Happy Hour bar was at the Monta Burger where Arse Von Hole had laid on a plentiful supply of food. Many thanks.
Another great hash. Do we ever have a bad one.
OnOn, General Kidney Wiper