Scribe Report Hash Sheet – Run 2050 – 10th June 2024
Hares – GI Joe and Lady Squeeze My Tube
GM – The Wizard
Having had a sabbatical from the Hash for around 30 years, and having completed 4 runs with my adopted club, I was lured into writing the scribe report with the promise of a shiny free pen. I foolishly believed this would also give me immunity from the ‘ice’ unless I truly deserved it.
The A-site was about 40 minutes away and seemed well situated. We were visited by two local dogs who immediately made a number of friends with their waggy tails.
The hares GI Joe and Lady Squeeze My Tube explained the run markings, and GI Joe pointed out that he had put ‘paper on the right’ so you could tell if you were heading in the right direction. This I thought was a really good idea, especially for the directionally challenged like myself.
There were to be two runs, one for the walkers and the other for runners. The beer hunters led by Gangreen planned a challenging 5-minute commute to a nearby bar, clearly visible from the first circle. New shoes were celebrated by Mako and The Wizard gave a reminder about the dangers of running past cattle, especially pertinent given current events in another hash
Without further ado, we were off, and I continued with my attempts at keeping the runners in sight, whilst I lagged behind. The route was universally enjoyed and mostly dry for a change.
Back at the A-site after a suitable break, the second circle shenanigans commenced: -
Those who were iced in no particular order
Hash Crashes - Who the Fuck Am I, YMCA, Hairy Crack, Spastic Whore King
Hash Trash – Dick in The Dyke (lost mobile phone), Lady Squeeze My Tube (can of spray paint), Necrophilia Night Rider (soiled cloth), Bubbles (sunglasses) and Sperm Polluter (counterfeit sunglasses from last week)
Hares – GI Joe, Lady Squeeze My Tube were sat on the ice whilst it was established that everyone enjoyed the route and that GI Joe had successfully supervised Lady Squeeze My Tube in all the numerous activities she had undertaken for the Hash
Any Cock’ll Do whined that he had been stung by a bee and was promptly iced
Stupid Kraut Cunt, Kilt Lifter and Sister Fister Fuckwit were also iced for other infractions.
This led us nicely on to the corruption that is the raffle.
Winners – Mrs Moose, Mount Me, Irregular Period and Flying Dick Truck Fucker (who was iced for wearing his hat in the circle)
Emperor Airhead then took the circle where he introduced the internationally acclaimed and world hasher Moose Diver who confirmed what we already knew, that the Pattaya Hash House Harriers is the best and most friendly in the known universe. Mako was named ‘Mini Samurai’ and warned to wear her club shirt next week or face the consequences.
Special Thanks were given to those members who go above and beyond:-
Dirty Looney and Pussy Snatcher – IT guys
The Wizard – GM (it’s all in the name)
Two Time – Beer Truck and much more
Something Stupid - Clothes and design
Sperm Polluter – Enforcer, Songmaster and generally nice guy
The GM then took back the circle and iced Moose Diver for poor joke skills and Shithead who ‘misspoke’.
Sperm Polluter was then given the circle to give Milky Piss a 50 runs award.
Back to the GM for the circle and Wanker of The Week award
I found myself back on the ice, alongside Happy Survivor, Sunrise and Irregular Period. The clear winner by popular vote was Happy Survivor quoted as saying to Bubbles ‘take your shirt off, you must be too hot ‘
In the best bardic tradition, Sperm Polluter led The Hare Song, which was followed by the final down down, closure and departure to the On On bar.
Welcome back to the hash to Pink Head, who I met for the first time on the bus to the On On
On On - So Long, Farewell, Adieu Who The Fuck Am I