Scribe Report – Pattaya Monday HHH, # 2072; November 11, 2024
About 800 years ago, the Loy Krathong festival originated among the kingdom nation’s Thai ancestors, who were then part of the Sukhothai Kingdom (1238 – 1438), in the ancient capital city. An amalgam of both Buddhist and Hindu traditions, it is celebrated to thank and pay respect to the Water Goddess, named Pra Mae Khongkha, for her previous year’s precious gift of water and to pray for an ongoing ample abundance of it, moving forward. This festive occasion is celebrated on the full moon night of the 12th month in the Thai lunar calendar. Loy Krathong is a time to be thankful, joyous, grateful, often with new beginnings in mind and action in the continuum that is life itself…..Loy translates from Thai language as ‘to float’ and krathong, referring to a small, floating religious/cultural offering.
For a bunch of HHHers, who are primarily a middle-aged {or somewhat beyond!) rabble of drunks, this special Loy Krathong evening’s activities included the benefit of feasting eyes on the 8 female Hares (7 Thai and 1 farang), all dressed up in bright silk shoulder and waist sashes wrapped over traditional cottony summer-style dresses; magentas, maroons and violet garb seized the night and highlighted yet but one of the uniquely beautiful traditions that form the cultural foundation of truly Amazing Thailand. 16 women, each championing a candle-lit Loy Khratong held high and proud, paraded around the Hash Circle to all compete in the ancient custom of determining (by popular consensus of the madding crowd comprising the Circle) which lovely lady would be honored as she who would be the victor in holding aloft into the full-moonlit night sky the Loy Krathong deemed the most gorgeous. The MC extraordinaire to proceed smoothly and seamlessly through the above-described, estrogen-fueled, logistically-loaded nightmare was none other than Emperor Airhead himself, who, after all, has nearly a half-century of ‘hands-on’ (no pun intended!) experience in herding cats at Pattaya’s oldest bar and Go Go Club…..prescient indeed he proved to be in adroitly dismissing any & all hopeful Loy Krathong-bearing females for harboring any plastic and/or non-natural substance(s) in their respective water crafts. With the victor determined, all the Krathongs were candle-lit and dispatched on their individual, nautical journeys of hope and good will, cheer, and looking forward to new beginnings…..this was all done by participating and spectating Hashers with full bellies, as the Hares had served up a nightfall holiday feast of wholesome rice & yellow chicken coconut Thai-style curry garnished with sweet potato and additional delectable vegetables…..a runway had been laid in each and every stomach on which to land copious further beers, as is anticipated by every member and visitor (and the virgins learn quickly!) attending any HHH event, all of which are populated by a bevy of souls joined as the ‘Drinking Club With A Running Problem’!
And so, down to Scribe observations in the HHH Circle on this very special evening:
Hash Trash – a shit-brown-colored ball cap was found last week, with no tell-tale foul smell, yet sporting a logo stating. ‘I’ll Be There For You!’…..typically, no Hasher claimed it…..Better Him Than Me….!
Hash Crash – Na Hee Man and Whore In The Window were guilty and witnessed of taking trail-side tumbles, all to no ill or injury; crash helmets were nonetheless issued in the circle by the GM to the two offenders, who were sat on the ice.
All 8 female Hares were summarily iced en masse (16 ass cheeks on 4 blocks of ice!), as they had all stated or supported the fallacies that the Runners’ Trail was 8.5 km (it ended up being 12.5 km) and the Walkers’ trek was 4.5 km (it was 6.5 km). The GM thanked them for laying trail paper in such abundance that it could have been seen from the Space Station, and, despite the ‘longer-than-usual’ (that’s what all the 8 hares chose to say in unison, once busted and sat on ice) trail, only accolade gushed forth from those HHHers who were asked to opine: Scar – ‘the run made me thirsty, happy & horny!’; Kidney Wiper – ‘both the run and the walk were superb!’ (we suppose he did part of each); GI Joe – ‘very good run!’; No More Cum – ‘Good reputation for good run!; Milky Piss – ‘thumbs up!’…..
Raffle Winners seized the day and jubilantly waked away with a bottle of wine (Flying Dick Truck Fucker); a bottle of Thai whiskey (Bikini Bandit); a pack of Smirnoff Ice Lemon (Eating Monster); a pack of Leo beer (Little Sparrow); a tin of Danish butter cookies (Ben Ten); and a hash towel (an as-of-yet unnamed female farang hasher who goes by ‘Hattie’).
Emperor Airhead (some of his exploits in the Circle were alluded to earlier) continued to entertain, as he iced the hares for failing to place the ice blocks in the center of the Circle and told the all-girl hares that men would have done a much better job with the ice placement. Another well-deserved round of down-downs were dished up to the 8 iced girls to again-remind them that they had forced the entire kennel to run/walk 30% or so more trail than had been stated.
A discussion on ice ensued, for some of the Hares said that Loy Krathong can be and are indeed launched ‘virtually and online’. EA poo-pood that, gathered up all 16 ladies with their respective Loy Krathongs, navigated through the process of choosing and championing a victor with support from the Hash Circle as popular judgement and herded the said same lovely garbed lasses to lakeside. Here, the non-virtual, non-online Loy Krathong launching was done in quiet, reflective celebration. EA’s coup-de-grace was his focus on the winning Loy Krathong; he pointed out that it was specifically special because it was made entirely of edible ingredients. That said, he ate part of the carrot-cake base to prove his point and, as a real-man does, he deftly avoided any contact with the huge orange, phallus-like carrot that spiked skyward from this Loy Krathong toward the blackened heavens that were softly illuminated by a half-harvest, mellow yellow moon.
Returners from Antwerp (My girlfriend knows I’m Gay) to Arizona (Out Of Order) were welcomed back on the ice to quaff down-downs, and one Hasher (whose name I didn’t get) was this evening ‘moving down memory lane’, all the way from an early 1990’s InterHash event to this present evening. Ferry Queen had been reserved a returner’s seat on the ice, yet was a ‘No Show’.
Virgins, who were friends of Eating Monster, from her Buffalo Bar base, sallied forth into the Circle and left moments later with brand-spanking-new Hash names, Buffalo Dancing & Smiling Buffalo. The GM was quick to remind them that they, now Hash members for life, can attend any HHH venue, either solo or with friends, and ‘no problem if come with same, other, or no boyfriend or girlfriend in future’…..
The GM reminded the kennel that only those erstwhile Hashers who have the benefit (or liability) of being >70 years young and/or have attended > 500 runs can sit in the PH3 Circle. Pussy Snatcher, Lady Squeeze My Tube and Stupid Kraut Kunt were caught leaning against the food truck and thus were invited to drink on the ice…..It may have been such that LSMT got busted for leaning on her own truck, yet, if so, it was excused because her husband GI Joe bought her the vehicle!
Sperm Polluter dispensed this week’s awards, namely 10 Hare T shirts to Hashers Something Kinder and to returner Sausage Head; SP was then iced by Scar, as he took on the role of enforcer to ‘tighten up’ the Circle for ease of hearing and better communication. Further infractions and accolades were addressed, including icing Milky Piss for providing his bar and free food for On-On-Onning Hashers on short notice, when the scheduled venue had to be switched at-the-last-minute; Disco Dick for not boarding a Russian vessel in Pattaya Bay; Pussy Snatcher for piloting a drone to spy on hashers along the trail; Bubbles had his girlfriend (she’s a little flat-chested, yet she’s all right!) for racing on the Hash; and to a visiting African American gentleman (Kunta Kinte) who arrived late at the Buffalo Bar 3 pm sharp last baht bus departure; he chased, caught and boarded that last baht bus, and left his vehicle in a ‘girly bar parking lot’; the rub came about when he apparently couldn’t remember which ‘girly bar parking lot’ held his vehicle!
Sperm Polluter and the GM Wizard of OZ regaled of details from a recent Booze Cruise near Koh Larn in Pattaya Bay: 45 beer drinkers aboard, and only one (No Name Hattie) decided to swim the 500 meters from the vessel to nearest land. She was amazed to realize that no one aboard noticed her great feat – in either direction….they were all too busy drinking beer and talking shit to one another! Knob Marley showed up at the BYOB event empty handed, as he forgot that 7-11 doesn’t sell beer until 11 am. Sperm Polluter was recognized as a premier speed & spin cricket bowler as he nailed Pussy Snatcher (treading water in the idyllic tropical backdrop) from some meters away aboard the vessel – shazam, a direct hit on Pussy Snatcher’s face (his intended target)!
The Circle was wound down on the command of the GM (after exhibiting the typical Hash behavior of icing Stupid Kraut Kunt and then stealing SKK’s down-down to slake his own colossal thirst) to Sperm Polluter for completing the “Final Down-Down” song; helped by all 8 female Hares and the robust voices of Ball Ringer, Milky Piss, No More Cum, Disco Dick, Happy Survivor, Scar, Bubbles and his girlfriend Farm Girl (Release The Twins!?!), the chorus rocked the heavens on a night of uniquely Thai Cultural Heritage.
The same voices carried on into ‘Swing Low, Sweet Chariot’ to close the Circle and 30+ avid partying souls continued on to the On-On-On at Hustler’s Bar/Restaurant/Pool Hall in Pattaya for further drinking of ice cold, bucketed bottles of beer, free pizza & Thai treats and great live music with PI Annie. Hashers Casper, Sperm Polluter, Milky Piss and Na Hee Man added flair and fun to the musical mix until it all came to a close at the stroke of 12 midnight…..
Na Hee Man, PH3 Scribe, 11/11/2024