It is Tuesday.
Early morning, but do not want to open my eyes, as I feel apprehensive.
Okay, here goes.
I open my eyes. Yes, I recognize my ceiling fan, so I am in my own bed.
Look left and right. No kathoeys in my bed. In fact, no one, so situation normal. But still got a bad feeling.
Time to get up and have a coffee. As the kettle boils, just a check from my window to see if the car made it home last night. Yep, I think I see it okay. Although looking down from the fifteenth floor is a bit of a stretch, but am sure I recognize the patchy paintwork on its roof.
But I am still apprehensive.
Why?
Kettle is boiled and coffee is made. Shuffle over to the table.
Then I see something that looks familiar.
A piece of paper that has the heading “PH3 SCRIBE NOTES.”
Shit. I am Hash Scribe. So, this was the reason I was feeling apprehensive.
I know from previous experience that these hash notes are a lost cause. When you try to write them down shorthand when pleasantly pissed, you think they are making sense, but then when you try to decipher them the next day, I would need the equivalent of a Scottish Rosetta Stone to decipher these Hibernian hieroglyphics.
So, here we go.
The run A-site was behind the Shell garage. We were last here two weeks ago. On that run, I drove straight in and had to attempt a ten-point turn in order to have my car facing in the other direction for leaving. This time I thought I would be smart and just reverse in. What a plonker. I was even worse at that. Thanks to Lost Cause who saved my blushes and directed me in.
Once again, it was great to see a big turnout for the run. 120 runners and Really Sadistic Bastard.
The GM, The Wizard, called the circle together, dealt with the virgins and introduced the hares, VV, Beetroot Head and Two Time who told us about the run. I went on the walker’s trail and shot the shit with Turd Burglar. Whereby in our discussion, we solved the problems of the world and how we would make everything right.
I did catch up with one girl, who amazingly was on her mobile phone and chatting away like it was the easiest thing in the world. She was talking normally whereby I was wheezing, like the old fart I am. Plus she had a steady hand, as she was video calling. Oh, the joys of youth.
Talking of wheezing. It was just then that G.I. Joe came whizzing past me. So, at that moment, I had an adrenalin rush and broke into a jog. Immediately, we hit an unbroken back check. Looks like those FRBs, had missed it.
Anyway, after three kilometres of walking and three kilometres of running, I finally made it back to the beer truck and a large contingent of runners.
After a cooling down period, the GM called the circle to order. First in were “Hash Crashes” of which, I was one. This was because I got snared by a trip vine and the girl behind me said I would be on the ice. Snitch. Otherwise, I would have been in denial.
Next was the lost property from the previous week. Gasman was the recipient of a Hammersley Hash mug. Next was a cutie from the previous week who had lost her aviator sun glasses.
Next on ice were the hares. Kudos to Beetroot Head who had stepped up to the plate, because Two Time had injured her foot. The general consensus was that it was a good run.
Next was the raffle, ably conducted by Black Panther. I won a bottle of wine, so glad to see corruption is creeping back in. (I will give you your cut next week young lady).
Time for some religion. Emperor Airhead takes charge. Ices a few. Good stories, but too long to write down. (Look at the pictures and notes on the web site).
The Wizard then took charge and explained how VV is stepping down from being brew master and that a replacement was required to fill the void. One smart wag asked if Two Time would also go with the beer truck. VV many thanks for all the years you have held this position. Probably the hardest job on the hash.
Next in for more religion was Scar with 2 Ts. With his Viking DNA, he was taking no prisoners and was icing all and sundry. (Once again, look at the pictures and notes on the web site).
The GM then took charge and iced Mamasan’s Big Boy, Speedo Pete and Gay GB. For what, I do not know as my notes are just a scribble. What I do know is that there were some notable achievements.
Many Drinks - 50 Runs
Beetroot Head – 20 Hares
Bell Star – 100 Runs shirt
Well done to you all.
Then it was time to award “The Wanker of the week.”
The Wizard brought in Mamasans Big Boy, Fattus Maximus and the eventual winner, VV.
Last week VV berated everybody for stealing the new “Scribe Chair.” Oops, seems he found it covered up in his garage.
Time for the hare’s song and it was ably performed by stand in Head Mistress.
Final count down, then some swing low followed by a beer for the road.
Another great hash. Do we ever have a bad one.
Thank you, Kubla Bar, who were good enough to stand in at the last minute as the Hash Happy Hour bar. I did not make it, but sure you did us proud.
I know there is a lot of stuff I missed off. But depending if Dirt Looney went on a bender or not. You can see the pictures along with Hash notes either today, or in a few days’ time.
On On, General Kidney Wiper