A quick check on the subject matter with which scribes are involved in led me down the phrase “historical note taking and record keeping for kings, nobles, temples and cities”. One has to wonder then if the scribe is merely there to implement the lies and myths which are bestowed upon them by their rulers. Feel free to indulge yourself in a whimsical Virgin Tale of events.
Prior to heading out for the run, the GM called in the Virgins which suddenly had appeared out of nowhere 5 minutes late to the circle, Dave, Jim and Linda all Nobles from over the wall. Being late for battle is common amongst the upper classes. New shoes which YMCA had been spotted wearing were christened with that foul-tasting local beer which the monks obviously give to the poor and beggars.
The GM let the beerhunters go early, led by Gangreen. The now aptly named PH3BH, easy for sober minds to say.
Dirt Looney called for donations for the Take care kids charity which now stands at 88k (with over 10K from the PH3) and for those who want to attend Debbie, the owner of Nicky’s Bar, is celebrating her 101st birthday this Thursday at 4pm.
Sperm Polluter the hare raiser told us all to get off our asses and sign up for January 13th run which still requires hares.
Other notable dates to keep in mind; The December Belgian run which the hares (led by Mayo Queen) has an impressive selection of Hash shorts for tuppence and, with Mayo Queen determined to outshine his larger cousins from the previous Months Oktoberfest Run expect a great day out with plenty of alcohol stops.
The PH3 Xmas party will be on 25th December, 300baht entry with the promise of 300 baht of free watered down ale to drink. Hustlers is the venue, always a great night there. So sign up and get on it over the Xmas period. Unfortunately (or fortunately in some cases the Scribe will be moonlighting on distant shores.)
The Ring pull man led by Fattus Decimus Maximus (legendary warrior) called on us all to donate our Ringpulls to help provide prosthesis legs for those who’ve had their legs blown off in battle. It only takes 5,000 ring pulls for one leg, so get drinking and donating. Having 2 bins would help.
Finally, the Hares were called in, Scar With 2T’s and and... A 3km walk and a 7km run for all of us to look forward to.
During the trail the Scribe was at times forced to listen to Jingle Balls blether on and on about some needless tale of courtship; even after relieving himself and being a good 30m away, Jingle Balls was still talking to himself somewhat like our Jackal ally.
Back to reality at the A-site for everyone who had all returned from battle all appeared unscathed and after some much needed rest and naked jungle showering (Minnie Mouse). The GM called in the circle with his usual 5 minutes which actually lasted 15 mins as everyone was on their 3rd can of the day already.
As the trail was flatter than some of our fine maidens chests’ there was not much in the way of hash trash left out on trail only a badly stained towel which Night Rider decided for some unknown reason to volunteer to take it off the GM’s hands. Maybe there are distant memories there.
Minnie Mouse again mentioned with the Scribes spies hearing of word that she was spotted allegedly showering naked in the jungle having caught the eye of 4 or 5 knights being captured washing in the faltering sunlight.
As the trail was short due to the majority of hashers running the monkey 2 days prior very little or in fact No hash crashes were reported. All knights returned from battle with no scars.
The GM then threw the hares on the ice and went round the circle with very few complaints made with only Whore in the Window brave enough to complain that it was the shortest walk/run in hash history. Although Scar With 2T’s quite aptly mentioned he was at ease if he so chose to walk the walk twice or walk the run twice if he is in need of exercise. A comment which brought out many cheers.
The GM then conducted the Raffle as the Hash maiden Black Panther was out bravely fighting in the North. For some unknown reason the putrid spirit of Sang Som was first to go with that heavenly nectar of Jamieson left sitting untouched. The GM then convinced My Girl Friend Knows I’m Gay that he had won and then lost and then threw him in the bucket and then all was forgiven and he had actually won after all. His mind was now totally lost as I’m sure it must be most mornings.
All the while the hares were providing free shots of Malibu with at least a dozen bottles of spirits past willingly around the crowd to gee up spirits and tales of woe. This may be the reason the Leo (nearly as bad a beer as that other elephant piss) was left sitting and was taken as the last raffle prize.
It was at this stage in the evening that everyone’s inhibitions started to ease with HIV being thrown on the ice after taking a seat during proceedings. The GM reminding the baying crowd that only those who have 500 runs and/or are over 70 are given this privilege to sit down.
The Spiritual warrior Emperor Airhead then returned to take the circle and threw a few of his old adversaries on the ice, including the hares and Charlie Manson and Rudi Voeller.
HIV was then again caught being a lazy foot soldier and was thrown in the bucket this time.
Back to the Spiritual warrior EA who aptly named Hattie from distant shores with the Hash Name Two Lips.
The GM stepped in again as he has done during his long and lustrous career leading from the front having to separate Bubbles and GI Joe who were caught in the back having a swordfight only being separated by Farm Girl.
Sperm Polluter who as the master of ceremonies presented the following awards gifted for bravery and in some cases for commitment to our fellow hash heroes.
Leg Over completing 100runs.
Parisian Titi 20 hared runs.
Beetroot head 200 runs + 20 hared runs. Recipient of not only a double down down but a special long sleeve shirt which he probably will not be able to fit over his increasingly large battle worn belly.
Scar With 2T’s 20 hared runs.
The GM then passed the circle to our Norwegian Viking Scar With 2T’s who duly threw Arse Van Hole on the Ice for lying that he never had a hash crash. This was filmed by our Zulu Warrior Kunta Kinte who keeps a laptop strapped to his chest as a shield.
Little Tommy Two Lips was then thrown on the ice as apparently he has local knowledge of how the Zulu Warriors live. The largely pissed army at this stage were baying for blood and our very own Scottish Zulu warrior Kunta Kinte stepped up, after a few whistles and bleats and chest pumping Kunta Kinte then defiantly told Little Tommy Two Lips he had no fukin’ Idea what he was on about. The two had to be separated as tensions rose and chests were pumping with neither backing down. Finally the spirit of the occasion was greeted with a smile.
Back to the GM who had to quickly wrap things being on the clock and name the Wanker of the Week. The Scribe’s notes failing him badly now being totally pissed himself.
Twinkle Dick was thrown in the bucket for posting photos of the 2nd circle on Facebook.
Virgin Karl was thrown on the Ice for running 10km with full battle gear on and not having the required 3 shillings to enter the local brothel, due to being a Virgin he ran all the way back, stole 3 shillings from his brother and then entered the Sanctuary of Truth.
Eating Monster was thrown on the Ice for spilling her drink over the pool table and causing the GM endless pigeon messages and apologies. She needs reminding to look where her drink is.
Something Kinder was thrown on the Ice for crashing her push Bike into a Horse.
Eating Monster taking Wanker of the Week prize and the wooden spoon.
The celebrations for Eating Monster were short lived as GI Joe pierced the award ceremony and was immediately thrown in the bucket for breaching the peace.
GI Joe was then told to stay in the bucket and he has been hiding that wanted savage HIV.
The Hares song swimming in the rain was then aptly narrated by Scar With 2T’s.
After which the Eskies were then closed with everyone reminded that drinking on the Bus is only allowed by Scotsman (aledgedly)
The final down downs were given out by Sperm Polluter. With the final freedom song of swing low sweet chariot proudly belted out and then hummed out and then silenced out concluding a memorable day out for all.
On On Kilt Lifter