Only two words.
That is how much Thai you need to know.
These are “NOW” and “RAWN’ which mean “COLD” and “HOT”.
RAWN you can use for about ten months of the year, whereas NOW you can use for about two months.
Depending on which time of the year, you can say these to any Thai, and they will elicit the reply “MAK MAK”.
Likewise, if a Thai says to you “NOW”. You just answer back “MAK MAK”. The problem here is now they think you can speak Thai and then you are entering into uncharted waters, because then you will be hit with some Thai, which you have not got a clue about.
Why do I mention this?
Well, last night after the run, the doorman at my condo did hit me with the word NOW and I answered back with the obligatory MAK MAK and then it went downhill.
Through the years, when running in the boonies of Pattaya and getting lost, it is only then you realise that what little Thai you know is only applicable when ordering a beer or a hot dog in town. When you try to talk to a Thai farmer or rubber tapper, to ask for directions, it is a whole new ball game.
It is okay if you are running with a little Thai cutie and she does all the talking, but in my case, I am usually with a bunch of beer-bellied guys who collectively speak half a dozen words between them. Although most of the time, the farmers are helpful, but do not understand that you are looking for lost paper and not the quickest way out to the main road.
But I digress.
What about yesterday’s run?
Well, it was “RAWN” but the A-site was at the Aussie Run location. A great spot and nicely shaded. (The reason Khao Mai Kaeo is known as the Aussie Run location, is that it was first used for the annual Aussie run in 2000. These lasted till 2019, but covid and the suspension of the Pattaya Hash curtailed this greatly anticipated event).
Acting GM and soon to be a permanent fixture was Milky Piss. He handled the usual intro with aplomb and brought in the hares Kilt Lifter, Shit On My Chest and Fattus Maximus, who told us about the run. But seemingly, they need not have bothered.
Why?
Well, two of these intrepid hares had laid this run two days previously for the Jungle Hash and for today’s run it was the same one, but in reverse. Smart guys to be honest.
Anyway, I did the walk and did not need to ask any farmers for directions.
The trouble with being a walker though, is you get back to the beer truck early and then have to wait for the runners to arrive before you can have a beer. This week, even the beer hunters were lurking in the vicinity of the beer truck, killing time.
Most noticeable was Sir Really Sadistic Bastard who was chomping at the bit and starting to show tell tale signs of cold turkey, as he had not had a beer for about ten minutes. Fortunately, Boring Wanker saved the day, coming in after about fifty minutes, with the main pack not too far behind.
After a cooling down period, our regular GM The Wizard got proceedings underway.
This is where I now look at my notes and as usual, they do not make any much sense.
Na Hee Man was Hash Crash. He had nasty cut legs. (Hope you get better dude).
Lost property was eventually claimed, but it is debatable if they should have been the true recipients. The GM brought in the hares.
Positive comments from most hashers, but Scar with 2T's summed it up nicely when he said, “Good run! Good day! Good beer and good people.”
Next was the raffle, conducted by Black Panther. What was noticeable was that the female winners acknowledged their winning ticket instantly, but it was as if the winning guys were blind or brain dead.
Time for some religion, so Emperor Airhead takes over the circle.
First on the ice were the hares. These guys are fairly new to Pattaya, but it is good to see some new blood. EA reminisced about the “old days” and how we used to run from “The Wild Chicken” in Soi Post Office. Pattaya was smaller and not so traffic congested in those days.
It seems that Sausage Head and Bubbles are single again and now training together to get a six-pack. However, they were compared as “before and after” as they sat on the ice. So, at present, it is a work in progress. The problem is Sausage Head is having trouble getting out of bed.
VV and Night Rider were next on the ice and they both have gout. Seemingly there are conflicting treatments. US doctors say “Do not drink beer.” But Belgian doctors say “Drink beer, but no soda.”
Guess I know which doctor I will be going to if I get afflicted.
Scar with 2T's then took charge and iced Sperm Polluter. It seems he got lost and somehow and led The Wizard and Milky Piss astray. Somehow, Seal Sucker was also involved. Not too sure about my notes here, but as Mark Twain said, “Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.”
Na Hee Man brought in again and looking for sympathy for his bad crash. Not a chance and was renamed Smelly Bleeding Cunt for the day.
During all these proceedings it was discernible that there was not too much rowdiness. Maybe this was because Happy Survivor and Singing Granny had been patrolling the circle holding up a sign that said “Shut The Fuck Up”. Well done ladies.
The Wizard’s circle again and he brought in Disco Dick, Sod On Me, VV, Eating Monster and Dean. These were the nominees for the “Wanker of the Week.” Do not know why, as once again my notes make no sense, but I am sure it will be in Dirt Looney’s Circle Notes.
Time for the hare’s song and I seem to remember a bastardisation of a Bon Jovi song. Thought it was terrible to start with, but it grew on you by the end.
Final count down, then some swing low followed by a beer for the road.
Another great hash. Do we ever have a bad one.
Thank you, Pothole Bar, who were the Hash Happy Hour bar. I did not make it, but sure you did us proud.
I know there is a lot of stuff I missed off. But this Alka-Seltzer’s Disease is taking its toll on the few remaining brain cells I have left.
On On, General Kidney Wiper