Hash Trash 7th April 2025
Hares: Panzer Fister and Mai Mao
Disconnected snippets:
The Beer Hunters were without their spokesman this week as Gangreen was absent. When it came time to announce the departure Sir Really Sadistic Bastard found himself suddenly shunted into the circle. No trite ditties from him this time, it was just a general call to the baht buses. A significant chunk of the circle departed and 2 buses were required to carry them all. I reckon in another 5 years Pattaya Hash will only need a Walker’s trail and the Beer Hunters.
A runner from the recent Jungle Hash donated a prize to the raffle all wrapped up on condition that the winner opened it at the circle.
First runner home from a hilly trail was, I think, Boring Wanker
Eating Monster from Buffalo Bar was wandering around with a small dog who was up for adoption – the dog, not Eating Monster. General Kidney Wiper described it as a large rat but was later seen walking it and looking very gay.
Istanbullshit missed the split, so did the wrong/long run
Emperor Airhead was heard complaining that his favourite whipping boy Necrophilia Night Rider was absent – obviously another good story on the way when he returns.
The Circle:
At the second circle Big Lungs was appointed Fashion Sergeant (she was the one who donated her shirt to Dags last week and spent the evening roaming around in just her bra). The visitors from Saigon were judged “well dressed” and given a seat at the bucket. No doubt they were in town to improve Viet/Thai cultural relations. Their tour master seemed to be Pick a Dildo if I heard the name correctly.
Hash Trash had only one item – a blue cap which was claimed by Magic Mogu. Unfortunately, Milky Piss had left the cap at home which would have put any mere hasher directly onto the ice. But being GM does have its privileges…
Plenty of Hash Crashes this week including a pair of bright little readers (more Spoonerisms).
The hares sat on the ice while run comments flowed. The best one was from Happy Survivor who said it was hard but that she liked it that way. Overall, the comments were positive, although the hill work sorted out the men from the boys.
Black Panther called the raffle and the first prize winner was Rasputin who was a tall guy with long greasy hair. Appropriately, he took the shampoo.
Stupid Kraut Kunt claimed the mystery donated prize which turned out to be a large pink vibrating dildo. I pity the bar girls who sat with SKK later that night.
Emperor Airhead iced the hares as usual but there was not a lot of verbal interaction due to EA’s strong American accent, Panzer Fister’s German accent and Mai Mao’s Thai. According to my Google search Mai Mao means “not drunk”.
Mama San’s Big Boy and Serial Killer were called in while EA recounted stories of their adventures with Thai ladies of the night. MSBB apparently left the bar so drunk he couldn’t remember his hotel. All he could say was “MacDonald’s” which is where the girl took him and left him there. The next morning, he found himself back in his hotel but minus his phone. When he rang his number, the phone was answered with “MacDonald’s – can I help you?”
Serial Killer on the other hand took his lady out but she said she needed to eat so they ended up in an all-you-can-eat buffet restaurant. The rule at the restaurant was that if you didn’t clear your plate, they would charge you double. As he was not hungry, Serial Killer waited while his girl ate her fill and put spare food on his plate. When it was time to go the restaurant claimed they had both eaten and that he had to pay double as his plate wasn’t clean. So, he paid for 3 meals having not eaten. Worse, the girl now said she was too full for sex and was going home!
The travellers came in next – Rasputin who is back from Norway where he had been supervising the rebuilding of his house after it burned down and VV who had made a first trip to Australia. Apparently, he had stayed at Gasman’s house while Gasman stayed in VV’s house – not sure if each took his own girls or whether they swapped those as well.
Piss Poorer and No Knickers came into the circle and their 9 year old son opted to go into the bucket which he regretted as soon as he sat down. I reckon that should delay the onset of puberty by at least 2 years. EA named him Blue Cockatoo which reminded me of the girl who woke up after a heavy night and complained to her girlfriend that her mouth was like the bottom of a parrot’s cage. “Not surprising,” said her girlfriend, “you had a cockatoo in there last night.”
Sausage Head and MSBB were congratulated on both losing weight. The latter was said to be slimmer due to the fact that his dad had gone home so MSBB had fewer baht to spend on food. The Down Down song was, appropriately, “You fat bastard, you fat bastard you ate all the pies”.
Scar called in Fleece Lifter for promising Dragon a gold bar. Unfortunately for her the promise was made on the morning of April 1st. Apparently, she was not amused when she realised she had been fooled.
Speedo Pete had sloped off so Scab got iced as a lookalike. His offence was to interrupt a small group of girls on the run who were admiring G I Joe’s arse. Speedo’s offer of a rubber glove rather spoilt the moment.
The Wizard saved his time in the circle for the Wanker of the Week.
The contenders were:
1) Gasman who had not hared at all the previous week despite claims to the contrary.
2) Arse Van Hole who had completely shattered his own chair
3) Bullshitter for getting to the Full Moon Hash sign up desk and being unable to remember his girlfriend’s name
4) The GM for missing the fracas with the cashew nut landlady two weeks previously
5) Blue Cockatoo for being cheeky.
It looked like a dead heat between the Blue Cockatoo and Gasman (Little and Large) but in a run-off youth beat old age.
Mama San’s Big Boy called in Gasman and Scar for poor excuses for failing to attend the recent Swamp Run. Scar got bucketed for lying (perhaps he should take his own advice occasionally?)
The hares had delegated their song to the guys from Saigon who sang “Free beer for all the hashers” which I last heard in Perth some 20 years ago.
Then it was on to the usual Final Down Down, Swing Low Sweet Chariot and off to Hustler’s for even more beer.
On On Shit Lips