🏇🐉 St. George’s Day Run – A Tale of Hashing, Heroism, and Hilarity 🏇🐉
Pattaya H3 – April 23rd, 2025
On this most sacred of days—when Saint George bravely slayed a dragon, probably with a beer in hand and questionable footwear—the noble (and notably hungover) knights and damsels of Pattaya H3 gathered for a quest of epic stupidity: The St. George’s Day Hash!
Our noble hares for this fine adventure—Milky Piss, The Wizard, Sperm Polluter, and Shit Lips—laid a trail so riddled with confusion, paper, and false hope that even a dragon (or the lost GI Joe) would’ve said, “Sod this” and flown off. Still, the pack followed with the enthusiasm of inebriated lemmings, in search of beer, glory, and possibly a misplaced horn.
Despite the trail being worthy of legend, there were no Hash Trash punishments. Either everyone behaved perfectly (unlikely), or the Scribe was bribed with sausage rolls and didn’t notice a thing.
The run wasn’t without casualties: Bell End and Whore in the Window earned the title of Hash Crashes, bravely testing gravity’s commitment to their personal safety. And what a commitment it was.
We had three brave Virgin runners—all welcomed, shamed, and mildly confused by our traditions. One even asked, “Is this a cult?” The answer was, of course, “Not officially.”
Fashion Police this week were none other than Stupid Kraut Cunt and Scar W/2 T’s, who zeroed in on the most suspiciously stylish hasher: the newly named "Want to Be a Viking", also known as Idiot Number One. His crime? Being far too well dressed for the hash. He was promptly sent to the bucket to soak in his sins—and probably some stale beer.
The raffle was full of joy… except for Serial Killer, who had his dark, twisted heart set on the bottle of whiskey. Sadly, he went home with only a box of cereal—just what every serial killer needs before a big day out at TQ.
Emperor Airhead held the circle together with the grace of a drunken jester, delighting the crowd and bestowing upon "Wanna Be Viking" his new name—forever marked in hash history as a warrior of questionable judgment. Fucking Hell!
The Wizard showed his appreciation for the Welsh… by icing most of them. Except for Boring Wanker, who was deemed too prestigious for the ice and instead received the royal honor of being Wanker of the Week, bucket and all.
Bare Back Mountain and Mud Cracker were summoned. The latter was told to get in the bucket, but instead treated us to an interpretive dance called “I'm not getting my ass in the bucket.” Despite TV’s heroic nudging efforts, he resisted the plunge with the stubborn grace of a cat being forced into a bathtub.
Then came the bittersweet moment: Scar W/2 T’s, our beloved RA, had his last PH3 circle for six months. He was iced, serenaded, and thanked for his noble service to the job of keeping everyone in order and making sure we are all entertained when he puts the misfits in the bucket. It may be emptier without him, but certainly less damp.
Scar also welcomed three new virgins and eight visiting Corona Hashers. Of course, Mini Mouse tried to blend in with the Corona crew, but her betrayal was quickly spotted—bucket time for pretending not to be a true-blue Pattaya Hasher. Shame!
Mama-son’s Big Boy introduced the Bang Saray crew and lovingly informed us how much they drank… while Serial Killer was somewhere snoring and dreaming of whiskey, cereal, and potential future victims.
Milky Piss was recognized for his 10th hared run—a proud milestone of pain, suffering, and creative trail sabotage.
Finally, the Hares serenaded us with a song of questionable melody and even more questionable lyrics. Then, with mugs raised high and livers trembling, the circle was brought to a glorious close with the Final Down-Down—because nothing says St. George’s Day like drinking warm beer while shouting nonsense at your friends in public.
Thus concludes the tale of the 2025 St. George’s Day Hash — a run filled with valor, vice, vomit (probably), and very poor fashion choices. The dragon may have been slain centuries ago, but here in Pattaya, the real beasts are dehydration, hangovers, and trying to avoid the bucket.
Until next time, noble hashers…
ON-ON! Purple Fart 🏇🍺🐉