After an absence of two weeks and qualifying for a free run as I was Scribe my last run, I find myself as Scribe again. How did that happen? Oh yes, I volunteered as there weren’t any other takers. Come on guys, we need a bigger pool of volunteers. It’s not that hard and if English is not your first language there is Google Translate.
A beautiful sunny day for a hash and a lovely A site that Beetroot Head claims to have discovered. There was a flat area for sitting and lots of trees for shade and even a little stream. Quite bucolic. The hares were Spastic Whore King, Barnacle Bollox and Sick of Steve. Barnacle Bollox assured me it was an easy, short and flat run and I was tempted to do the walk today but the head hare, Spastic Whore King, told me there was one tricky bit and some parts needing jumps so I decided to go with the Beer Hunters again and it was a good choice as I learned some kung fu and self defence tips from Emperor Airhead.
The acting GM, The Wizard, called the second circle and after several attempts to quieten the noisy ones, we started with Hash Trash. Panzer Fister handed in a hat that Whore in the Window lost on trail today. He was happy to sit on the ice to be reunited with his red and blue hat.
Hash Crashes and the usual GI Joe stepped up. He claimed he was pushed by Sperm Polluter after he kindly stepped aside to let him pass. Anal Acrobat tripped on some roots and did some acrobatic moves.
The hares were put on the ice and The Wizard remarked it was a strange combination of hares especially with Barnacle Bollox looking rather like a pirate with a bandana and several patches on his head after removal of skin cancer. The Wizard was happy with the run with good length, lots of paper and sticks painted on both sides. Other hashers agreed with him, walkers and runners alike. The runners appreciated the last bit allowing a good fast run. Well done hares.
Raffle time and Sexy Butterfly did a good job. There were the usual prizes with Happy Survivor taking the red wine, Panzer Fister the cookies, Two Time the vodka, Something Stupid the Thai whiskey, Chip Chip the shampoo and Lost Cause opted for the mystery box donated by Muff Designher. She tore into it with great gusto to find a selection of vegetables including a big cucumber which will keep her happy.
Emperor Airhead’s circle and as usual the hares are iced. Our RA thought they were a scary looking lot that he wouldn’t want to meet after dark. Sick of Steve is Flemish from Belgium, Spastic Whore King is from Holland and Barnacle Bollox is Irish so what do they have in common. Turns out they all live in the same village.
It is low season and the usual miscreants are not here this evening so Emperor Airhead does not have much to talk about. Instead he goes around the circle picking out hashers who are not usually on the ice and asking them about themselves and how they got their name. Apparently most were named by Emperor Airhead but he doesn’t remember them. First is Anal Acrobat from Germany who is asked if he has any friends. He names Whore in the Window and they are both in danger of being iced. Very wisely the next hashers asked that question say they have no friends or that they are all dead so at the end of the questioning Anal Acrobat and Whore in the Window end up on the ice.
Next Emperor Airhead talks about a name change for Diaper Sniper at a suggestion from Sauce for the Goose. The two proposed name changes from Emperor Airhead are Diaper Wiper and Diaper Sniffer and the circle voted for Diaper Sniffer. After his baby sitting for his newborn grandson back in the States it might be an appropriate name. The two unlucky ones still on the ice got christened in place of Diaper Sniffer.
The Wizard takes the circle again and reminds anybody thinking of a name change that often the name stays the same but Mohammed is put in front of it.
Stupid Kraut Cunt is put on the ice to tell us all about his upcoming Oktoberfest run on 13 September. It will be a busy month for hashing with a Monkey Hash anniversary run and the Thai Nash Hash the weekend before so we are advised to turn up early for the Baht buses as a crowd of over 200 is expected.
The Wizard’s Wanker of the Week award. Barnacle Bollox is there from last week for losing his chair and his motorbike keys and so is Muff Designher for his weird and wonderful raffle contributions and then Ball Ringer is put on the ice. He got lost on the run after a back check hiccup and got back late after doing 8.74 km. Comments were that he can get lost in the carpark so he was unanimously awarded the spoon.
The Hare’s Song. Barnacle Bollox sang a song that was meant to be romantic but it was about a turd. It was meant to be about London too so he put those from London in the bucket, namely Ball Ringer and The Wizard. The Wizard was showing some discomfort there as Barnacle Bollox questioned hashers about what a turd was called in their language thus prolonging the time and The Wizard was feeling the cold and told him to get on with it.
The circle finished with the Final Down Down and the Hash Hymn led by the Wizard
A small number of Baht buses returned with an even smaller select crowd to High Rollers for more beer and talk.
On-On Sauce for the Goose
[Editor's Note: As mentioned above, the Scribe does NOT need to be in English. You can submit it in the language you are most comfortable with and we will attempt to translate it for you. I say attempt because we have had versions in Morse code, Pirate, Olde English, Latin to name a few]