Well, this is a first. No, nothing to do about katoys in my bed. But I actually woke up and remembered I was Hash scribe. The reason being, I was drinking non-alcoholic Heineken Zero and not my usual Chang beer. This was not by choice, but doctor’s orders. (No penicillin or antibiotics involved).
Another big difference is I can actually read my hash notes. Normally (or abnormally) they become a scribble as the circle progresses and need something like the Rosetta Stone to decipher them.
So, the A-site for the run was in front of the Asian University. Formerly the Asian University of Science and Technology. It was founded in 1993 and was established with the academic co-operation of Imperial College London. Unfortunately, due to financial reasons, it closed in August 2017. Sad to hear, but happily, for us, a great A-site.
Today’s GM The Wizard kicked off proceedings with the dos and don’ts, then introduced the hares Beetroot Head and Panzer. A nine-kilometre run and a five-kilometre walk. “Do not worry” they said, “It is flat.” I ended up at the back of the walkers, as the aged and infirm all passed me. The problem with being a walker is you spend your time walking and talking and not really noticing paper. Luckily, there were some girls with younger eyes than mine that kept me on trail.
At one stage, I was by myself and could hear a pack of dogs in front getting stir crazy, so I speeded up and caught up with Shit Lips and Leg Over. Scared the shit out of them as they thought I was said pack of dogs creeping up behind them.
We were talking about dog bites and how rabies is becoming prevalent in Thailand. I do remember many years ago, there was an official road sign erected in Jomtien Beach saying “This area is Rabii’s free.”
Of course, they meant “Rabies free.”
I got back in, to the A-site, in just over an hour and it was five kilometres exactly.
It was a little while later that the first runners came in. Think it was Seal Sucker and Herring Choker.
The beer truck was opened and it was then I had my first taste of Heineken Zero. Not to my taste, but….. Doctor’s orders.
The hares had also laid on some food. These were sandwiches à la carte and hit the spot just right.
In the access road, tables, chairs and cooking stoves had been set up. It looked like a Parisian boulevard. This is the beauty of this A-site that it has a large concrete road and no through traffic.
So, after a decent cooling down period, The Wizard called the circle to order and got proceedings underway.
First in on ice for Hash Trash were Barnacle Bollox who forgot his chair. Also Fingerless, but I missed why.
Next were Hash Crashes. Barnacle Bollox who just fell. Car Licker who fell on the trail. Arse Van Hole, who fell off his chair. And Sausage Head who fell through his chair. Looks like the chairs are the most hazardous part of the run.
The hares were then called in. Being Cheap Charlies, they only painted one side of the check sticks. But we found out, they did not even need to pay for the paint.
Anyway, the public consensus was that it was a “Good Run.”
Raffle Time.
The lovely and loud Lost Cause took on the mantle this week of “Raffle Mistress.” Two Time won first prize, with calls of corruption. VV her husband was next, with more cries of corruption. VV wins again. Yep, the “Corruption Cries” went up a few decibels. Then Leg Over, the raffle ticket lady wins, but reading the mood of the bellicose baying crowd, wisely declines taking a prize. At this stage I am starting to believe the corruption cries, but my faith in the integrity and honesty of the PH3 raffle is justly restored when I actually win. So, what did this new tea totaller win? A six pack of beer. There is a God. Albeit, with a twisted sense of humour.
Time for some religion with Emperor Airhead who immediately iced the hares. Once again it was deemed a good run. Always the outcome when there is free food involved.
Fingerless on ice. Time up in Pattaya and going back to a ‘hopeless future” as he called it. Hurry back.
Next in were Ferry Queen, Fingerless and Stupid Kraut Kunt. Story about SKK’sretreat in Bang Saray. Ferry Queen cut his foot. SKK gave him the kiss of life. They finally wrapped duct tape round his foot, but saved his life. Think there may be some hash hyperbole in the telling of this story.
Next in were Ferry Queen, Night Rider and Dingo. All liked to party. Seems Father Time has caught up with them. Dingo has been domesticated. Night Rider has a girlfriend. But hope prevails as Ferry Queen is still looking.
The Wizard then takes over and congratulates Panzer for 100 runs. Seemingly it has only taken nineteen years. Then GI Joe is presented with a trophy for 1000 runs. This fantastic achievement has only been attained by five other hashers. Also, GI Joe has actually run every run. The fact he was not a hash crash today means he has also achieved 999 hash crashes. What a guy.
The hares were brought in again and commended for playing some stirring Battle of Britain music as today is the anniversary. Also, coincidentally, one hare is English and one is German. This gave the GM a chance to tell a joke about Douglas Bader, a famous British fighter pilot and Fokkers, Fuckers etc., very funny but too long to reiterate here.
Time for Wanker of the Week. It was between Barnacle Bollox, who lost his chair and the keys to his motorcycle, which actually were in the ignition. The other contender was Ferry Queen, who when with the Beer Hunters managed to break the top off his beer bottle. Glass and beer all over the back of the baht bus.
And the Wanker goes to Barnacle Bollox.
Next in were Phil the Pill and Slo Flo Joe. They started hashing over a year ago and now travel together hashing all over the world. Mind you, this might not last too much longer as Slo Flo Joe was noticeably a bit slow at reciting a down down song to get hubby off the ice.
It was that time of night for the hare’s song. Alas, they failed and Barnacle Bollox, who was starting to show the effects of several down downs came to their rescue and prevailed with his dulcet tones.
Final Countdown song. I think I was the only one not in the circle, as many hashers had drifted off into the night.
Then Swing low…..
Then guess what?
Miraculously, seven female hashers suddenly appeared. Their food and their piss must have finished where they were having their own circle. It would have been nice if they had joined in the frivolities earlier, as they were certainly full of fun.
One for the road, which I did not bother with. Then off to Happy Hour bar. Thank you, New Plaza Sports Bar.
Another great hash. Do we ever have a bad one.
Thanks to all.
OnOn, General Kidney Wiper
F.Y.I. Some good news. Really Sadistic Bastard called me up from the UK and informed me his throat cancer is still free. He is in the process of having some teeth removed and has nine remaining. He hopes to be back in Pattaya by the end of the month.