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Trash
There were a few stalwarts missing this week – GI Joe is still indisposed and Squeeze is looking after him. Gangreen was also a no-show so Arse Van Hole had to announce the beer hunter’s departure.
On the upside (I think), Dirt Looney was back in both body and spirit this week. I don’t know how much he paid Billy the Kidney Wiper last week but the write up made little mention of DL’s state when he arrived at the run site. (Thanks are due to KW for taking DL home safely right to his door last week).
To put it bluntly, Dirt Looney wasn’t just drunk last week he was completely, utterly and totally pissed. He looked like a ham actor would portray a drunk except this was for real. He arrived on the back of a motor bike taxi (the driver must have had a few misgivings as his passenger directed him way out into the countryside and then down a dirt road) having missed the baht bus. He was standing (just) with his legs well apart – well the path kept moving - and his body in a gentle arc with his stomach at the front. Giggling at everything and anything DL was collectingtinless, paperless, penless, and senseless. Poor Kidney Wiper had to go around the pack searching for any scraps of paper that he could use to make his notes on.
And this was the man due his Hasher of the Year award (sorry aawaaarrrd).
But back to this week.
The hares warned that the runners trail was tough with an expected time of 1 hour 20 minutes. As such even Herring Choker chickened out and did the walkers trail.
First home were the two Windows – Wanker and Whore in the. Both claimed to have run the walk although the hares looked a bit sceptical.
First real runners back were Shit On My Chest in 1 hour 22 minutes and Boring Wanker a few seconds behind him.
Last home was Panzer Fister on the two-hour mark but I think he and Mai Mao had been doing some horizontal jogging on the trail. Mai Mao had her sister with her – talk about look-a-likes. I reckon PF needs to be careful back at his apartment not to end up in the wrong bed.
When the Hash Trash was announced there were still no takers for the backpack containing the bottle of Scotch so the GM passed the bottle to Leg Over to put back into the raffle prizes.
Hash Crashes brought quite a few to the ice including Shit on my Chest who, having dropped his pants to sit on the ice then did press ups thus giving one quarter of the circle more of a view than they were expecting.
The Hares were iced as per usual and made to sit while the GM spun things out and got opinions from the circle. Generally, the comments were favourable and praise was meted out for virgin trail.
After the ever-popular raffle hosted by Black Panther, Emperor Airhead sat the hares down again. He contested the view that this was a new A site as he claimed the hash had been there before way back in the days of the Black Pearl bus.
Anal Cheese then got iced while EA went through his life history. The name reminded me of the song, “If your girlfriend tastes like shit turn her over”.
TV and Eating Monster (or Annie the Addict as she is also known) next sat on the ice. Apparently Eating Monster is now hawking pot in a pot that you can drink. To make it more palatable it is mixed with grape juice or “garpe juice” as it says on the label. So, watch out if anyone offers you garpe juice – it may be stronger than you think.
The Wizard called in Dirt Looney who was only drinking water this week (fancy that). He presented him with his Hasher of the Year certificate and also a very sweet ceramic toilet that he claimed to have made himself at his “poetry class” (the GM is slightly dyslexic).
Scar with 2 T’s iced Fattus Maximus, Constant Disappointment and the visiting hashers from Ubon hash. He then turned to Speedo Pete and Mudcracker for unbecoming language overheard on the run.
Back to the Grand Master and Something Stupid was awaaarrrded a plastic chicken for his poor singing skills – if you don’t want it SS please pass it to Leg Over for use as a dog toy.
Beetroot Head is collecting ring pulls for his daughter to make chain mail (I think I heard that right) so he got iced for his charitable efforts.
The hares’ song was delegated to Shit Lips and Sperm Polluter. Apparently, they sang in antiphonal style and if you don’t know what that means ask Dirt Looney.
Then it was the final down down and the hash anthem and 37 or so hardy souls headed off to Sexy Butterfly’s bar for more beers.
On On Shit Lips