NOTE: Scribe Reports are written for your entertainment and are a work of fiction.
Any resemblance to actual people and events is purely coincidental.
Scribe Report by Fattus Maximus
Les Miserables C**ts: PH3 Run #2155 GKW's 40 years of hashing with the PH3
The first time I met
GKW was on the PH3's 40th anniversary run. I was doing dry January and this was day 8. The General on the other hand obviously wasn't. In fact I think he must have had my share off the beer truck too
. Anyway I found myself sitting next to him on the Baht bus going home. I was wearing the Wanker Of The Week Spoon around my neck and Billy enquired "who the f*ck are you?" I told him I was the Wanker of the Year. He replied "you're f*ckin nobody! I've got over 800 runs!" "Well you ain't doing 800 more are you" was my regrettable reply. At this point fellow Scot
Kilt Lifter stepped in and calmed the situation down and the ride home was otherwise uneventful!
A few weeks later we met again in Nikom Court and I asked him what was all that about on the bus. "I never go on the bus" said
Sir Really Sadistic Bastard. Woops!! In a matter of weeks I'd managed to get on the wrong side of the local Scottish Mafia 555. All good now though. We are even friends on Facebook!
Fast forward about two and a half years and it's GKW celebrating 40 years with the PH3. Wow!! In that time he has amassed 944 runs, 45 hares and most importantly 45 Scribes! Oh, and he served as GM for 2 years in 1999 and 2000. Time to get a life methinks young Billy Boy!!
Today's co-hares are Sir MC (40th hare today) and Honey Bear (10th hare today). As the stand-in Hare Raiser may I take this opportunity to remind you that without hares there wouldn't be a run and no run means no fun! So if you have never hared or haven't for a while please come forward as there are plenty of opportunities available in August. Cheers!
The hares have been planning this run for weeks and had chosen a nice shady A-site next to the BMX Park. The Wizard called the first circle at 16:00, 4 virgins from Germany, Holland, Thailand and Phillipines. Anal Acrobat christened his new shoes all down his front and then a moments silence in memory of Piss Pole Dancer who passed away recently. On Up PPD! The hares then came in and unusually gave a fairly accurate description of what to expect. 7.5 km for the runners 3.4 km for the walkers. I went around with my old cycling buddy Festering Streaker and clocked 3.39 km in 45 minutes. Spot on! Plenty for me as it was hot enough to boil a monkey's bum out there today! We had a short wait for beers but Shit On My Chest came in on the hour shortly followed by Mudcracker and Anal Acrobat... party on!! Honey Bear and the virgin Christine had prepared a Phillipino banquet of suckling pig, garlic and grilled prawns, adobo, sinigang and rice, plus some lovely Fudgee Barrs. Great job ladies!
18:35 time for the second circle. Not a single crash (apart from the big one the hares were involved in yesterday) but plenty of trash.
YMCA got his monkey towel back,
BB#2 got her shoes back after leaving them on the bus when nature called (I remember that feeling
) and
FDTF was spotted running along the 331 looking for the keys he'd dropped off the bus. He also was spotted by the
GM leaving a bottle on trail... tut tut tut bucket!! Hares on the ice! The
GM congratulated them on their great efforts setting trail and keeping everyone informed about it with umpteen Facebook posts. All agreed it was a good run apart from some overly long back checks which were up to 200m and the food was a-ma-zing!
Time for the raffle and
Sexy Butterfly called the lucky bastards numbers out. Hot Hope won the suckling pig,
Bell End got the red red wine,
Eating Monster surprisingly took the Dewars not the cookies,
FDTF got the 285, Beautiful
Ball Ringer grabbed the 6 Asahi,
Something Kinder took the tupperware,
Oz won the chair to raucous cries of corruption
and finally the cookies went to
Miss Use Me. Well done all for supporting the raffle!
Hares back on the ice as it's Emperor Airhead's circle now. GKW was congratulated on his 40 years with the PH3... does he remember any of it?? Sir MC was asked how he got the name Miserable C**t. This caused some controversy as his version varies from the one given by Festering Streaker who claims to have named him. Honey Bear was thanked for spending days and thousands of Baht preparing the feast.
Chuck The F*ck Up and
Night Rider were iced for no apparent reason while
Airhead told a story about
Ratso who at 82 got out of his seat to go to the toilet as his plane touched down. He was in row 36 but when the brakes were applied he ended up in first class
.
Night Rider claims he lost his wallet in MK restaurant but
Airhead suggested he should go back and look for it in Soi 6. Time to name
Kai's mate
Charlie... some amusing offerings along the wiener/sausage theme but the overwhelming winner was
Pilsner Pisser.
Bullshitter then gave us all a lesson in how to tell if someone is gay... I didn't get it but he looked gay as f**k! Lastly
Airhead brought in
YMCA and
Spastic Whore King as hash flash hash heroes. Thank you both. I always enjoy looking through the albums.
Fleece Lifter's circle... FRBs iced then
FDTF and all the Germans. Apparently there's a world cup going on somewhere and Germany had only managed to put 7 past Curucao (who the f**k are Curucao?). They sang their own down down which despite having lived in Germany for over a year I didn't understand a word of. The tune was Boney M's Brown Girl In The Ring if that helps? Next up the
Dick Family are iced... welcome to the
Dick Family 2 Pricks!
Lastly all the Thai ladies were iced. 9 on the ice and 3 in the bucket. They're alright, they're alright, they're a little flat chested but they're alright. Well done
Fleece!
GM's Circle. Only 2 virgins left.
Ed from Holland had a good time and would come again,
Christine only came to help
Honey Bear but she politely said she would consider returning. Next up awards and recognitions.
Sir MC 40 hares,
HB 10 hares,
Street Cleaner 200 runs,
VV 1200 runs
,
Gangreen got his shirt for 700 runs and the highlight of the year...
Fat Max got possibly the first 10 scribe award shirt in the whole hashing world
On On! Thanks to the Mismanagement Team for backing my idea. I was only joking by the way
.
Things went downhill fast then as the hares "sang"
All I want is a hole somewhere.. Oh f***ing hell she's so ugly
to the "tune" of wouldn't it be lovely from My Fair Lady. Really dreadful guys. Maybe you are still in shock after the crash? The usual round up of the final down down and Swing Low, one for the road and 20 odd back to Crackers Bar for even more great food and buckets of beers. In the words of my fellow scribe
GKW... "Another great Monday, do we ever have a bad one?"
On On Fattus Maximus
PS I do hope GKW gets another 800 runs in!!