Run 2157 – American Independence Run
I’m chillin’ in my room. Back-pack is packed. It’s Monday and am ready to go to the hash. Was just watching some Vikings doing some Viking bad shit on YouTube about Lindisfarne and how they changed the gene pool, in the UK, with a bit of raping and pillaging. So fired up for today’s run.
Then we had a power cut in my condo.
All the lifts were out of action.
So, I started the sorry trek down the stairs. The cleaning girls were emptying all the dustbins on each floor. I lamented “Mai mee fai” to each one. This literally means I don’t have fire, but can be construed to mean, there is no electricity. But in all honesty, the literal application applied to me. I live on the fifteenth floor, but by the time I descended to the eighth, I was in a sorry state. Checking out the window I realised it was going to be touch and go. I eventually reached ground level, but this was only due to gravity and had nothing to do with physical prowess.
So, I am sitting in the lobby. Many people hanging around. Thinking, well, not so bad Billy. Then I hear ping, as the elevator doors open and out walk Whore in the Window and Shithead.
Life is not fair sometimes.
Today’s A-site was out by Maprachan Lake. A beautiful area that ticks all the boxes. It is well kept, so no bushes or biting insects. Private, so no irate farmers looking for money. Shaded with plenty of parking area. Plus, near town.
So why do we only use it once a year?
It only has one run and one walk. So, this is why we usually use it only for the American Independence Run.
So, on time, The GM, The Wizard got proceedings under way.
Hash Flash, for the run pictures was Mud Cracker who volunteered, but also promised he would not be taking his dog, Tequila on the run. So only photos of him and no “doggy porn.”
Laird Big Boy told us about the collection for the Jesters Care for Kids. Wait a minute. He gets more Scottish sounding every week. His accent makes me home sick. Plus, he has beefed up on that haggis.
Gangreen caused some consternation, by dropping the bombshell, that there was no Baht bus for the beer hunters this week. So, instead of having to walk fifty metres to a waiting chariot, they were required to slog it up the track, cross the road and enter a beer bar. Previously, this has not gone down well. You think walkers are dumb? (I do, but now I am one). Beer Hunters are worse and do not follow instructions well. Also, it is like they have an ankle bracelet tracking device, that does not let them wander more than two hundred metres from the A-site. They panic.
Maybe I do them an injustice. But let me just intercede with some pertinent information. Sir Really Sadistic Bastard got the all clear from his doctor in the UK. So, any financial claims against him in Scottish Pounds are still valid on his return.
No volunteers for hash scribe. So sorry, stuck with me again.
Something Stupid explained how he has beautiful T-shirts and he is open till 6.00pm. I understand why females fall for this French accent, but f*ck me, he has me hoping I am back in time to buy a T-shirt off him before he closes his shop.
Time for the Hares Emperor Airhead, Necrophilia Night Rider, Chuck the Fuck Up, SCAB and I got Crabs to come into the circle to tell us about the run and we are off.
The first split was the Beer Hunters. They risked life and limb to cross the road. The second split was for the Runners / Walkers. Excellently marked. I was with the Walkers. Up to the causeway and On In.
This has been vastly improved since we were last here. A bicycle track. A running track. Colourful and with distances marked. Obviously, someone of importance likes to exercise here. Checked with The Wizard. No, not him. Then I realised Fattus Maximus bikes here.
Nothing screams 4th July like a freshly grilled hot dog.
Of course, I would be remiss, not to mention that the hares had pulled out all the stops by supplying hot dogs, mashed potatoes, chilli etc., etc., All much appreciated. Also, I have to admit, they taste better with the plastic wrappers taken off them. Not like before. (Necrophilia Night Rider)
Eventually the GM, The Wizard got the second circle proceedings underway.
Hash Crash – Something Kinder. Fell only on her bottom, so not hurt too badly. Also glad to hear that last week’s Hash Crash Happy Survivor is okay. They make these girls tough in Slovenia.
Hash Trash. Wow, this is “merde.” The pantaloons that Something Stupid sniffed last week, to ascertain if they are male or female are still unclaimed. So, today, the panteloons were chucked out.
More Hash Trash. The Crazy Dirt Laird (Not the Laird Big Boy) on the ice. Lost his car keys. Rushed home. Rushed back with a back up set. Too late. Found nearby. Isn’t it great when it is somebody else.
The GM then brought in the hares. The Wizard asked around the circle for walker’s and runner’s opinion of the run. All good.
Next it was Raffle time with Hot Hope. I did not win anything this time, but many did. Hopefully, next time.
Emperor Airhead iced Necrophilia Night Rider. He has just lost his third wallet in so many weeks. Cannot believe this is possible, but hey, anything is possible on the hash.
So, because Emperor Airhead had to go to work early. The hare’s song was brought forward. EA requested all the girls enter the circle. It was the “Boom Titty Boom, Boom Titty Boom” song.
Hilarious. Just wish the girls would participate more instead of munching and doing their own thing.
Boring Wanker was recognised for 100 runs. Well done.
Now I have not been drinking alcohol for one year. Tonight a couple of Changs. So, excuse me. My notes are a little bit harder to decipher. Not like I need the Rosetta Stone to decipher. More like Spec Savers. But in on the ice were I got Crabs. Dirt Looney. Necrophilia Night Rider. I got Crabs drove on the cycle path, all the way round from the A-site, to get in the other entrance. With his car. Dirt Looney went home to get replacement keys he lost next to the beer truck. NNR lost wallet number three. Wanker of the Week. I Got Crabs.
Fleece Lifter then iced Americans Aussies and anybody he fancied. No mercy.
The Wizard then advertised an upcoming run called Summer Santa Christmas Run. Go to the web page to find out.
Then it was time for “the final down down.”
“Hash Hymn.”
“One for the road.”
Many went back to the Happy Hour bar, which was at the New Plaza Sports bar. Thanks for looking after us.
As usual, another great hash. Do we ever have a bad one.
So, what is the deal in my condo having a power cut? A big crack has appeared next to the lift on the 18th Floor. Repairs are going to be ongoing. Just hope it is all sorted out before next Monday’s run. Do not think this walker can handle another round of “Mai mee fai.”
OnOn, General Kidney Wiper