“Slippery When Wet”
Today’s run drew a big crowd with 106 signups despite the long distance from Pattaya and the threatening skies. Hares DREGGS, SPEEDO PETE and ARSE BANDIT selected a very nice site on a remote farm for the walk/run. We were told that the walk as 5 km and that the two runs were 7.5 km and 10 km. However, I ran into ARSE BANDIT later on the course and confessed that the walk was slightly longer by 1 or 2 km.
The first circle started with the recognition of the two proud owners of new shoes. Needless to say I doubt they will ever wear new shoes to a Hash again. Suspect those shoes were particularly ripe after last night. Next, the 7 virgins attending their first Hash were recognized and treated like all virgins should be; with care and respect (555), although one or two ended up on ice for transgressions later in the evening. THE WIZARD was today’s Hash Flash and when no one volunteered to be the scribe, MENTAL DISORDER promptly “volunteered” me for the task. Later on the walk he told me is was MENSTRUAL DISORDER’s idea, but I am not buying it. Anyway, thanks for the “opportunity” and I will not try to let the facts stand in the way of a good story!
Next, THE WIZARD had to once again explain about the 35th Anniversary run because of ongoing confusion and reading comprehension issues, as well as a general lack of understanding of the “Queen’s English”. Not surprisingly some in the club are still confused even after THE WIZARD spoke. I anticipate that THE WIZARD will be reviewing the same topic in the following weeks as well as after the 35th Anniversary weekend.
The Hares took a moment to explain the course and the markings and then we were off. Within 10 minutes of starting the run/walk, the skies opened up and it rained steady until the very end. The walking course was fairly flat and features barbed wire, cows, gates and fences. It was also slick as bat shit or as we say in the south “slicker than snot on a doorknob” (I am a redneck from Virginia). Interestingly enough, on the way back to the A-Site I ran into ARSE BANDIT, who was still putting up paper for some reason, pointed up the trail and confidently stated, “the A-Site is 2 km up this trail” before disappearing in the opposite direction not to be seen again for several hours. Anyway more that one of us busted our ass out there, but it was a great walk on great site and I imagine that the run was as well.
Thankfully it stopped raining as the run/walk finished up. Many relaxed before the circle by eating some of the food VV made and of course drinking! MENTAL DISORDER had a handful getting the group to form a circle threatening the bucket to more that a few, as the circle was particularly rowdy tonight. The circle started with recognition of the Hares for a job well done while on the ice. However only SPEEDO PETE was present with DREGGS going allegedly going home sick and ARSE BANDIT being MIA.
Next FREE WILLY presided over the ever popular Raffle where 12 prizes were given away. During the Raffle a visibly upset young lady was noticed, who happened to be ARSE BANDIT’s girlfriend. Apparently ARSE BANDIT was still missing and could not be found. Yes ARSE BANDIT was lost on his own f*@*ing course! How in the hell does that happen? Anyway she was afraid he was going to die on the course and although she loves him dearly, she started making alternative plans with many members getting her phone number just in case he was never found.
EMPEROR AIRHEAD was is a particularly good mood last night as it was night off from the every popular TQ and was looking forward to a big night on the town with a 500 baht budget. He brought up the 7 virgins to “interview” them and that went well with pictures being taken of the virgins until someone realized that there were only 6 virgins in the circle when the picture was taken.
Next AIRHEAD recognized a number of people including KNOB MARLEY and LITTLE TOMMY TWO LIPS, both of which recently returned to Pattaya. Interestingly it turns out that LITTLE TOMMY TWO LIPS speaks 5 languages and the founder of the “Ferret Hash”, which is going to take place in 5 days, but is already full. This was discovered with he was enjoying some quality time in the bucket and almost busting his ass/arse getting in and out of the bucket.
During this time ARSE BANDIT showed up and claimed he was never lost, but was just collecting signs. Although he had signs with him, I am calling bullsh*t on this. His girlfriend was all smiles and happy again as he was saved from the jungle, but realized that she may need to change her phone number in the morning. Somehow, ARSE BANDIT, his girlfriend, PENELOPE PITSTOP and BEETROOT HEAD, who was chatting up the girlfriend in the circle, ended up on ice together with perhaps all 4 in the same bed later that night. Stranger things have happened in Pattaya.
Lots of people on ice or in the bucket for a number of transgressions of hash rules including drinking before the first runners came in, no shoes, no shirt, no hash shirt, talking and the list goes on. It is not surprising that those in the bucket or on the ice included DIRT LOONEY and RUBBER DICK. One of the virgins, who is the proud owner of Bamboozeld Bar on Soi 7, spent lots of time on the ice tonight. Since he had such a great time, perhaps he could host the hash as a future On-On bar!
Lots of interesting things were learned this week including the fact that there is a Banglamung, Scotland. Who ever new? While on ice there was also a big happy family reunion of many of the Scottish and Norwegian members, who are apparently related via he unnatural union of the Viking men and Scottish men in the past. Those on the ice actually look alike.
The “Wanker of the Week" competition was particular good this week with a number of very qualified candidates including ARSE BANDIT (getting lost on his own course); MENTAL DISORDER (medical check found that he had the kidneys and liver of a 20 year old),and BEETROOT HEAD (needing to pay 10,000 baht to the unnamed for unnamed problem on the Darkside). BEETROOT HEAD received the wooden spoon in a very close voice vote.
After the Hash Hymn, the group loaded up and began the long trek back to Pattaya and I-Rovers, where the fun continued into the early morning. Thanks to I-Rovers for hosting us and thanks to all of the members that participated in today’s run, which was a really good time due to the hard work done by our Hares today DREGGS, SPEEDO PETE and ARSE BANDIT. Great job Hares!
On-On! Dave Davis