We all had a good run and walk and everyone made it back to the A site in good time, THE WIZARD called the second circle and the fun began. The hares, VV, TWO TIME and NO MORE CUM were put on the ice and thanked for a well laid out trail and then WANK-KING'S WANKER was iced for being paralytically drunk last week and as such was awarded the Drunken Donkey mask for his efforts. A notable improvement in his appearance was achieved when he donned the donkey mask and many fellow hashers standing near him suggested that he should wear it permanently.
ARSE BANDIT was iced for leaving a yellow HHH sign on the road last week and received the Hash Trash toilet seat, then NO TRUCKING IDEA was iced for taking REAL OLD’s chair home and REAL OLD was iced for leaving his chair near NO TRUCKING IDEA and for not remembering that he hadn’t taken his chair home, but at the age of 84 it was accepted that that’s the kind of thing that real old people do, so in fact he was just living up to his name.
WINDOW WANKER was iced for showing great delight during the run that he was “in the lead” for a short moment of today’s non-competitive race, but it is still a great achievement for someone of his age and disposition to be at the front of the front-runners, and many people admired his achievement, which of course didn’t actually exist as you cannot lead a race that isn’t a race.
The five Beer Hunters were acknowledged for their sterling efforts and for their devotion to the Anti-Alcoholics Anonymous Movement and we moved smoothly onto the much-anticipated and ever-popular raffle. TOOTH FAIRY won the whisky, PAT POM the wine, VEE GO the biscuits, Johan the Norwegian virgin the towels and cuddly toy, CANNONBALL the bathroom scales, PAPRIKA SMILEY the size 42 grey Crocs (donated by BONE COLLECTOR), PENELOPE PITSTOP the badminton set and KUNG FU QUEEN the rucksack and T shirt. PHONEY CUNT was, quite rightly, iced for making a false claim.
EMPEROR AIRHEAD put the GM on the ice and presented him a “Grana Master” plaque, which must have been made by someone Italian, AIRHEAD then put the hares on the ice, for some unknown reason, and then NIGHT RIDER as he’s just been to China on a wild goose chase hunt for a bride and waited 3 days for a mystery woman to show up, but she never showed, which was confirmed by a group of men he met in the bar of the hotel where he was told to stay, so they too might have been waiting for the same woman.
PHANTOM and KNICKERLESS were iced as PHANTOM is being fattened up by KNICKERLESS, in fact PHANTOM’s waddle to the ice was quite pronounced and raised a laugh when this was pointed out by AIRHEAD. ARSE BANDIT was iced for not singing and KUNG FU QUEEN and her boyfriend were iced to talk about her Taekwondo achievements. The virgins; Jessica, Sally and Lee from Fulham, London and Johan from Tromso, Norway were called into the circle and introduced to everyone.
WANK-KING’S WANKER took the circle to give the awards, he was not as drunk as he was the previous week and was actually quite coherent, NO TRUCKING IDEA was recognised for 100 runs, TELLY TUBBY for 150 runs, POLE FUCKER for five hares and BELL END was presented a chair with her name embroidered on for her 500 runs by UNSTABLE LOAD. REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD gave them a note.
Then came the much anticipated Wanker of the Week award, the nominees were ARSE BANDIT, in place of MADAM SIN (who was not present as she was busy cooking noodles for the opening for her new restaurant) for throwing trash off a baht bus, WINDOW WANKER for trying to win today’s non-competitive race and WANK-KING’S WANKER for getting shit faced and fucking up the awards last week. WANK-KING’S WANKER won hands down, which he was delighted with.
NO MORE CUM then took the circle and put the Slovenian ladies and SHE’S THE BOSS on the ice for fishing with bananas and then iced LORD CHICKEN FUCKER for not fixing the back window of his car, and then put me, BOB-A-GOB in the bucket for not being loud enough (as I had to concentrate on scribing).
WINDOW WANKER was put on the ice again for good measure and BEN 10 then led the Hash Hymn and everyone took a last beer for the journey home, which is now allowed to be unopened in order to avoid spillage, apparently. As we all know, beer abuse is a serious offence so this relaxing of one of the rules by our esteemed and venerable committee was appreciated.
SGT LONE WOLF was today’s Hash Flash and took many great photos, as did DIRT LOONEY who published his on Facebook.
All in all, yet another fabulous hash in the land of smiles with the world-famous PH3.
On-On! Bob-A-Gob