Location: Pun Poon Resort
Weather: Wet (R.A. not doing his job properly)
Summary: As much mud and water as a Swamp Run
The rain started along with the first Circle. It actually stopped while we were running but came back with accompanying thunder and lightning during the main Circle. Antique (a bit like Private Walker) was doing a roaring trade in umbrellas, rain coats and mosquito repellent.
The virgins were called in. There was a deficit of English speakers. One was Australian who sort of spoke English. The next lady was Thai. The young girl next in line was Cambodian who looked like she should still have been doing her homework and the last two were Froggies with about 6 English words between them. Fortunately the GM dug around into the depths of his brain and pulled out the sum total of his schoolboy French and told them to “allez vous-en”.
The run hit a small river about 200 yards in so it was wet shoes right from the beginning. Then we came to a check with the front runners – Herring Choker, Shit on my Chest and Squeeze My Tubes running back from the trees shouting that they had found the home trail. There followed 15-20 minutes of confusion especially when bits of old Jungle Hash trail were found in the distance. Finally, saner minds prevailed and BB, to his surprise, found himself leading the pack on the trail originally dismissed by the front runners.
Aside from this mishap the trail was well marked through alternating rubber, tapioca and pineapple although a few “runners” took the best part of 2 hours to come home.
The GM called the circle to order and hash crashes were called in. There were so many that there were not enough awards to go around. Jackal admitted to going over no fewer than 5 times, Herring Choker had a big gash on his knee as evidence, YMCA was there as was Patpong. Sausage Head was present after collapsing his chair and Gasman who had been trying to keep a low profile (ha ha) was given a seat in the bucket.
Hash Trash saw Blow Lewinski iced for losing “a green shirt with a red collar”. The GM produced the shirt which was a patterned brown affair. “Oi,m colour bloind” said the hare.
The Waffle was next with exceptionally good sales due to Legover’s offer of a flash of leg in exchange for 100 baht. Goodness knows what she’ll do if you buy 10 tickets!
Herring Choker was called in for f*cking up the first check and then trying to blame the GM
Emperor Airhead was in a good mood – possibly due to the pouring rain. The hares got iced briefly and were congratulated on the new venue. The Gasman was called in and it was revealed that he was a Bomb Truck Driver. Then Cookie Monster and friend were in for a new naming of her friend Basaba Woman.
Sir Arse-A-Holic was given recognition for 900 runs and Cookie Monster for 5 hared runs. Drag Queen made it to 25 runs so officially becomes a member of the Hash.
BB then took the circle and called in Seal Sucker who is well known, apparently, for his patronage of various Beach Road bars. He said it was “research” for the book he is writing but as he is a Kiwi this seemed a bit far-fetched.
Wild Wolf was added to the ice due to his dropping his latest Thai girlfriend when she asked for THB40,000 per month allowance.
There then followed “Singing in the Rain” hash-style.
The GM, who by now was wearing a very fetching semi sheer green poncho, took the Circle again and gave a Down Down to Blow Lewinski who was now wearing his reclaimed shirt. Unfortunately it was a Swamp Run shirt not a Hash shirt.
Wanker of the Week went to Wild Wolf
Spastic Whore King got birthday greetings, a cake and a rendition of Hashy Birthday. He had earlier said that the only benefit of turning 70 was that he could now sit down in the circle.
On On to Octoberfest next week. With Stupid Kraut Kunt in charge what could possibly go wrong?