Le French Connection 🇫🇷
Ha ha, talk about hero to zero! Home Brew who was in the scribing chair just last week patted himself on the back about how he was first home. And this week he was LAST home coming in on the road with a crook ankle. (Hope it gets better soon)
Anyway, today was the annual get together of the French speaking part of the hash – or “les fromages qui puent” in the words of one wag in the circle. There were no fewer than 9 hares (compared to 2 last week). Without doubt VV (from Belgium) was the leader of the pack and I believe the food was sorted by Something Kinder (very French spaghetti) with red wine (French). But what the other 7 did je ne sais pas. I know Bikini Bandit didn’t do any trail laying as he was running the trail with us and got at least one check wrong.
But enough whinging. The trail was excellent and not too long so the front runners were back in under an hour and all were home in good time (bar Home Brew). The best bits were the false trail into a bog which caught several people and a brush fire that lent wings to quite a few of the slower runners.
Budding romance of the week was definitely between Fuck Off and Eating Monster (the latter wearing a pair of shorts that had unfortunately shrunk in the wash. Thank goodness Fuck Off’s shorts hadn’t been in the same wash!)
The second circle started with the GM icing Hairy Crack for telling him to “hurry up” presumably as he had a hot date for later on.
Then it was Hash Trash with Necrophilia Night Rider having to admit that he was a little bit squiffy last week so much so that he left his large plastic chair behind. Spastic Whore King managed to lose his glasses and Belly Dancer got a seat in exchange for a can cooler.
Hash Crashes included the GM himself, YMCA, 2 visitors and Squeeze My Tube who landed herself in the bucket.
The ever-popular raffle saw Lost Cause back in action with her and Cookie Monster explaining how the GM should draw the tickets. He replied that he was already up to his elbow inside…
Emperor Airhead was congratulated on his 71st Birthday with a chorus of Hashy Birthday and a more extensive interrogation of the hares while they sat on the ice freezing their culs off.
Scar with 2 T’s iced the sole virgin firstly for having no hash shirt and secondly for claiming to be an athlete and then doing the Walkers trail at a very leisurely pace.
The virgin’s friend Istanbullshit was then iced for not having admitted to her hash crash.
The best DD in this group was for Out of Order who woke up and thought it was 3.15 but found it was actually 9.15! Jetlag or just plain American stupidity?
The hares were yelled at for talking among themselves. Shut the Fuck Up in English, Fermez la Bouche or Taisez-Vous in schoolboy French. As they were by now all on the ice Scar then asked them what had happened at the split where there was enough shredded paper on the ground to lay the whole of next week’s run. Oh, and by the way, no berets in the circle, mes amis.
Na Hee Man took the circle to ice the GM while he told the circle that he had met Burley Chassis (the GM’s better half) earlier that day. BC said she wasn’t coming to the run and, while the GM was out of the way running and drinking she was off to spend his money on an early Christmas present spree.
No More Cum put Twinkledick on the ice while he called him all the names he could think of such as Red Indian, savage and similar schoolboy stuff. Happy Virgin joined him on the ice and was asked to take her hat off. She was reluctant to do this as a recent trip to the hair salon had resulted in an overdose of hydrogen peroxide which meant her hair was falling out. Hope it grows back soon HV – meanwhile you can borrow some of Twinkledick’s.
Wanker of the Week contenders:
Crap Thai for shit time keeping on the Monkey Run
Beetroot Head for bigging up a cheap steak he had found. (I think it was buffalo)
Dave from Hustler’s (yet to be named but presumably he’ll be called Playboy or Mayfair) who had the spoon from last week but had trodden on it and broken it
Dirt Looney who was one of the main hares last Saturday. By 4pm when all were home safely Dirt Looney relaxed and started drinking. He got home at 4pm on Sunday!!!
As there were two spoons Dave kept the broken one and DL got the other
As no one among the 9 hares could sing Gangreen obliged with a foul song about a girl with a yeast infection whose underwear stuck to the wall. Disgusting but very amusing.
And so it was with the Final Down Down and the hash anthem and 50 or so off to the Cocktail bar to christen the new owner.
On On Shit Lips