Pattaya Hash House Harriers Run # 2040
Arriving at the Buffalo Bar, and there was Joe coordinating the fleet of Baht buses like a North Korean traffic attendant. Loading, phoning and dispatching the Hashers with military precision.
Meanwhile, in the Buffalo Bar, packed full of beer hunters slurping down icy Leos to get their day off to a positive start.
On the buses and off to a beautiful A site within a shaded bush area past Phoenix GC and near the 331. I hadn’t been there before, which means nothing, but Air Head said it was a new A-site which I find remarkable.
The usual meandering cue at the sign-up table, IDK their names, but that big job was completed efficiently and all were processed, paid and cleared.
Some chit chat while we watered up and prepared for the first circle. VV greeting arrivals, refilling eskies with water, moving ice, unpacking lights and unfurling signs. It was all happening like a well oiled machine.
GM Wizard welcomes all, including the Virgins. Looney invites those with any change to make a difference and donate to kids, Spermy calls for new hares to carry some of the load. Which reminds me of the General who said everyone just needs to team up once a year and we would have too many hares. Gangreen “Blah Blaah Blah Blaaah Baht Bus” which was a call to the Hunters for another run. The GM introduces Lady Squeeze My Tube, Belly Dancer, Sexy Butterfly and Anything, the Hares for Belly’s ‘Foolish’ Birthday Run on 1st April 2024.
With the usual Hare run intro we were off! Into some type of tree plantation which I was not familiar with. No, it wasn’t Teak, Gum or Rubber but a tree type I don’t know. A shaded trail was welcome on such a hot day. We climbed a gentle slope, and joined a dirt road as we were treated to the most interesting view back over Bang Saray with those giant hill formations that have always looked so unusual, like tree covered monsters, in the midst of the developing farm and town life. I was following closely behind a crack so may have missed some of the other points of interest but found Tadpole with giant bags collecting all types of rubbish along the trail. We split from the runners and walked down past a resort, then some pineapple and some thick jungle where, a bunch of cracks excitedly gathered to collect some green leaves or something, I didn’t want to know so slipped past them. Through the mandatory tapioca field and we were back at the beer truck.
Drinking water, as a means of quenching our thirst for beer, we waited and waited for that first runner. It seemed like forever but eventually I heard the sweet sound of “Leo KAM” from Gas Man. Although the runners’ trail was 9Ks approx. two Hashers were lost out there until half way through the second circle. I think one of the hares went out and found them, IDK but well done all.
Like queuing up for train tickets we were all issued sandwiches and a bowl of spag bol to line the stomach which was generously provided and served by the hares.
There were many at the A site forming into their groups post run. Changing, drinking, laughing and circulating. How bloody simple and civilised. Raffle mistress IDK name sets up the table adds a bunch of random stuff like laundry detergent, seaweed Maki crackers, Leo beer, wolf Blass Eagle Hawk biscuits and I add a surplus Aussie Run shirt.
The Wizard looking for Hash Trash responsible for a unique walking stick as Stupid Krout Cunt is iced, he begins to babble on about the life story of said stick. Milky Piss had left it, found by someone in a taxi and passed onto the Wizard then back to SKC. That stick had travelled further than SKC on his last ten runs. Hash Crash G I Joe ran into a tree which had been cleverly moved by Squeeze into his path. Panzer tripped over a stick, Paprika Smiley and YMCA both fell over imaginary hazards. The crashers were all issued medical helmets as a means of protecting these clumsy fools.
In comes those hares with their witches’ hats including an extra Hare who was allowed as a PH3 present to Belly Dancer for his birthday. The quality trail must have been laid by Squeeze, Sexy Butterfly carried the paint and paper and the consensus from all was a good run. The raffle was efficiently completed with a bunch of happy winers including Istanbullshit selecting the Aussie Run shirt.
Air Head ices the Hares in their witches hats for Belly Dancers 59th Birthday Run. Air Head drilled deep into the formation of this group of Hares to find who was really responsible for pulling this group together. Like ‘Abbott and Costello’ Who called who first became the question. Despite his best efforts he couldn’t work out who called who first but did establish that Belly Dancer was an accomplished delegator.
All those groups of hashers hiding in the shadows who turn up week in week out, drink eat and are entertained, they need to help out by haring a run to assist those who step up all too often.
There is a Serial Killer who turns up at the TQ and bar fines the girls there, and they are never seen again. Police have posted a Wanted Poster and fixed it to the lady’s mirror as a warning to beware. Dirt Looney, Super Virgin and Big Boy may all be nice looking but that’s because everyone’s been drinking. Serial Killer was so drunk that when he offers him a Jagermeister all he could do was raise his head, skull it and rest back on the bar again. Pictures of this dangerous man will be circulated for the safety of all.
Stupid Krout C, Super Virgin and Eating Monster meet up in a restaurant to prepare for a day at the Beach, when six big plates of food arrive its only for Super Virgin.
Ferry Queen and the very HOT Mookie Queen are iced as nobody can figure out why she likes him. She sent a photo to her mother, and her mother asks Mookie Queen why she is sleeping with a lady boy.
Scar WTTs wrestles control of the circle and tells those noisy ones to shut up or feel my wrath on your backside. The virgins are welcomed back to the circle and asked if they had a good time and if they will be back. Hesitantly, a quiet ‘Yes’ response is just heard.
There have been rumors getting around about a big Filipina Party with secret photos. The Sangria was thrown in the pool, which of course sent these Asian girls on their usual path from happily smiling to fighting and then to crying.
Hares are then iced because after they picked a great A-site, laid a great trail, fed all the Hashers they forgot to serve the Down Downs and collect the glasses.
A bunch of Scars mates escaped on an island holiday and strange noises were heard through the night. In Ferry Queen and Mookie’s room, very laud shouting Fck Fck ….Fck was heard through the night.
Stupid KC laidback on two blocks of ice for body shots, which was poured on his chest then licked up by Serial Killer…. which was horrifying.
Wizard takes control of the circle again and demands silence, telling those chatting to form their own circle 100metres over there or shut the F-up. Belly Dancer and Snail Bait are invited to take an icy seat. Gas Man enters the circle carrying what appears to be a Birthday gift but keeps the present and offers only a handshake. But his lovely Cohares bring out a beautiful Birthday Cake with 59 candles for all to share. A short Hashy birthday is sung by many and he blows most of the candles out.
Big Boy then takes the circle and packs the ice and bucket full of island holiday makers. When leaving the island hotel they packed into three cars, the Thai SWAT Police come out with guns trying to find who had not paid their room bill. Big Boy then paid the bill to avoid a horrible trip to the Bangkok Hilton. Questioning all those on the ice and in the bucket who was responsible for doing a runner. First accused was Scar but finally Sperm is identified as the room thief because he thought his wife had paid it. I thought Big Boy was a surprising highlight of the evening with natural circle prowess and audible presentation, well Done!
Everyone from Chiang Mai Hash scrambled for a seat on the ice, and we are going to need a bigger bucket for Gas Man who barely fits it. He cleverly emptied the ice and cold water on entry. They all sang their great hash song and after, when trying to leave the ice were caught in a ‘Gas Man vortex’ and many ended up collapsing in a pile in or over the bucket…very funny to watch with people everywhere!
Wizard then ices Ferry Queen again, who seems to be on the ice a lot tonight! So its strait to the bucket for something different. Well, he’s been so busy he failed last week to return Wanker of the week wooden spoon, blaming Mookie Queen for using it to cook a souffle last week. FQ is again rewarded with Wanker of the week but cannot be trusted with the prize wooden spoon, so we are asked to see the imaginary one.
Spermy then buckets Belly Dancer for trying to bucket his wife. Limp Dick is given Double Down Downs for some reason.
The Hares are then asked to sing us a song and promptly ice GI Joe and Wizard who are presented with some New Zealand gift but its all a bit blurry now, thanks to Ballringer assisting me with Hash names and multiple trips to the Leo beer cooler. I really started losing focus as everyone was having a good time.
The wizard blames all the Buffalo drinkers for delaying the evening and reducing the drinking time in the circle. Which I couldn’t understand as the last bus left before 3 but what would I know.
Sperm then invites the Chiang Mai Hashers to enjoy the final Down Down on their Outstation run with Ballringer and The Wizard.
Then the Hash Hymn and onto the busses for a return to a sportsbar in LK Metro Bar, the name escapes me but everyone relaxed, sat enjoyed another drink and some food.
A lot of Hashers work hard all week to put on a great night and post the website. I would like to thank you and hope others will front up and Hare.
ON ON PH3
KAM