“I don’t like Mondays.”
This was the title of a number one song in the UK in 1979 by a group known as the Boomtown Rats. These guys were obviously not hashers, because as we know, we all like Mondays, as this is Hashing day.
I plotted today’s A-site on Google Earth, and discovered I had not run in this area before, so was looking at a new run experience for me. The site is known as Monk’s Retreat.
I was fortunate to get a lift to the A-site by Whore in the Window, who only knows two speeds, Mach 1 and Warp Factor 1.
It definitely was a good A-site, but I had a sense of foreboding at seeing the hills in such close proximity.
The GM The Wizard called the circle together. One virgin from Switzerland. Three new shoes. Lady Squeeze My Tube managed her down down out of her new shoe with aplomb, but Pascal, the virgin, struggled and became a winner in the wet t-shirt competition instead.
The hares Sperm Polluter and Milky Piss gave us instructions about the run and we were off.
Now this sense of foreboding became a reality when my worst fears were realized after one kilometre.
We headed up. But that was not the biggie, The big climb came after two kilometres. This is where I had a blowout. Not my shoe, but my left lung. It was at this point I checked I had my ID card round my neck. This has the phone numbers of my next of kin.
A little further on, we merged with the walkers. This lulled me into a false sense of security, thinking the bad stuff was over. No way. There was another split.
Nice section downhill and Happy Survivor said “now this I like.” Unfortunately, we were soon climbing back up again.
This is when I had another blowout. No, not my right lung, but my right leg. At this point, I was not sure I was going to make it back, as I was running (walking) out of spare parts.
Thankfully, we merged with the walkers again, and it was “on in” just after about one hour.
I only got caught on one back check and was lucky enough that the others were broken by the time I got to them. So, I know some ran quite a bit further than me. Good on you.
It was now time for a cooling down beer and free hot dogs, generously supplied by the hares. I managed to shoot the shit with some old timers, namely KAM, Sheik MeMe and Dog Licks It's Dick. (Even in the old days, they had some great hash names bestowed).
Then it rained big time.
This brought out raincoats and umbrellas with most scattering for the limited shelter. Gangreen stopped talking to me and moved to a small hut, but they kicked him out, as there was not enough room, so he came back to slum it with me.
Sadly, some left. I thought hashers were tougher than that.
Eventually the rain eased off enough for the GM to get the circle going.
First in were Hash crashes who were Don’t Call Me Dick and Jackal. Jackal admitted that he did not scream this time, which is very unusual, but he did give a demonstration of his lung power, while sitting on the ice.
The Hares Sperm Polluter and Milky Piss were iced and the general consensus was that it was deemed a good run. I think free food, also helped to sway this opinion. Only joking guys.
The raffle. Think I got last week’s tickets as I was not even close. Amazing that some winning numbers did not get claimed. Maybe left because of the rain. Their loss.
Emperor Airhead’s circle. Hares brought in. Mixed reaction to the run. Most positive.
Something Stupid, who is in charge of Hash Rags just made his 1000th. T-shirt sold. I think if this entrepreneur went online, there could be no stopping him. Well done.
EA then took a census of the hash circle, making note of the nationalities of the Remainers. This showed a varied cross section. Although there were quite a few Scottish, who are used to rain, the biggest remainers were the Yanks.
Arse Van Hole and Hot Wheels might have to reconsider their macho bike image as it was disclosed that Harley Davidson is now run by a gay German with pierced nipples. Sounds like one of the guys involved in the Olympic opening ceremony.
The Wizard then took over the circle and brought in Milky Piss and made him a birthday cake hash style. This was basically all the ingredients being dumped over his head. Great to watch, but probably not so much fun for the birthday boy, but he took it well.
Then it was time for Sheik MeMe to take over the circle. Ranting, raving and spewing fire and brimstone he proceeded to ice all Australians, because there were no Italians present.
Also, the hash crashes, where he decreed that Jackal needs to wear his hash crash helmet even in bed.
Leavers Gangreen, Sir Really Sadistic Bastard and Golden Rivet were brought in. Safe journey and hurry back guys.
The Wizard then called all the French in for being “Wankers on the Week.” This was for the abomination of the opening ceremony of the Olympics. As there was only one spoon award, I think it went to Something Kinder to be the representative. C’est la vie.
It was time for the Hares song. It was very funny. But cannot remember the details.
Earlier on, I made the mistake of leaving the scribe pad on a chair upside down, but still got wet. So, there was only a small dry patch left to write on. Plus, I was now pissed. So, my notes are pretty well undecipherable. I know a lot more happened, but……… this is hash. As we know, never let the truth get in the way of a good story.
I do know there was ‘the final countdown” and “the hash hymn.
Although I could not make it to Happy Hour at the Kubla Bar, I know they laid on more food. Many thanks.
Meanwhile, I was travelling home at Warp Factor 1 with Captain Whore in a Window.
Another great hash as normal.
Thanks mismanagement and hares.
On On, General Kidney Wiper