PH3 Run #2069: FDTF's Birthday Run /
The Rocky Horror Hashy Birthday Show
Cast
The Wizard as Dr. Frank-N-Furter, a deranged transvestite scientist
Hatty, Virgin #1 as Janet Weiss, Brad's fiancée
Nerius, Virgin #2 as Brad Majors, Janet's fiancé
She's The Boss as Riff Raff, a hunchbacked Virgin Stimulator
Happy Survivor as Magenta, the other Virgin Stimulator
Sperm Polluter as Columbia, the PH3 groupie
Flying Dick Truck Fucker as Dr. Everett Von Scott, Frank's rival scientist
Bubbles as Rocky, Frank's creation
Emperor Airhead as Meat Loaf playing Eddie the delivery boy
Fattus Maximus as the criminologist and scribe/ narrator
Sib Baht as Himself
14.45 There's a wedding party at Buffalo Bar. Newly-weds Ralph and Betty Hapschatt are waving goodbye to their guests and Betty tosses her bouquet to the crowd. Janet Weiss catches it and turns excitedly to her boyfriend, Brad Majors. He hugs her and proposes on the spot. Yes, yes, yes! says Janet. They decide to go and tell Doctor Scott, the high school science teacher in whose class they first met. Brad orders a Bolt using the app. It says about 5 minutes.
14.59 Sib Baht pulls up outside the bar. In their excitement, they jump in the back thinking it must be their Bolt.
15.00 Sib Baht pulls off heading for the A-site... it's the last hash bus, just the two of them are on board and they haven't got a clue what horrors lie ahead of them. A massive electrical storm erupts and the skies turn black. The bus turns off the highway and down some smaller, flooded roads and then on to a dirt track. BOOM BOOM! The front tyres explode. Sib Baht has a look and says he can't fix it. He points them towards the A-site. Still believing they are going to Dr Scott's house, they walk off in the heavy rain singing....
🎵 There's a light over at the Frankenstein Place. There's a light burning in the fireplace. There's a light in the darkness of everybody's life 🎵
They see a crowd of people ahead. A tall man in a cape wearing a wig, leather basque, g-string, stockings, suspenders and high heels is in the middle. "Have we got any virgins here today?" He asks. Riff Raff and Magenta grab Brad and Janet, push them into the ring and remove their wet clothes leaving them in just their white underwear. "Hello virgins... who made you cum today?" Brad says nobody made them cum, they are saving themselves for their wedding night... "We'll see about that later" chuckles Dr Frank. Some new shoes are christened with Chang in a peculiar ritual, then the hares come into the ring. They are all from a place called Transexual TranSlovenia. They talk about the trail, 5 miles, dry and flat, no dogs... bullshit, bullshit, bullshit!! Dr F sings...
🎵 I'm just a sweet transvestite from Trans-sexual TranSlovenia ah ha! 🎵
Then, all of a sudden, everyone disappears into the jungle. A confused Brad and Janet follow the crowd...
Spermy is first runner back, but only to take a shit before finishing the trail...
17.20 FRBs are back led by Shy Tiger, Brad, Don't Call Me Dick, Minnie Mouse and Farm Girl. Well done Harriettes! Herring Choker made the top ten but moaned for the entire evening that everyone ahead of him cheated. 😂🤣 I walked through a mile of tapioca, came to the first water hazard and bravely turned back. Baby steps!!
Everyone is back at the A-site. Rocky is lying in the bucket wearing only a pair of gold, shiny hotpants (a bit Kylie Minogue!). He has been cryo-genically frozen, but he still looks pretty fit! Dr F summons a massive lightning strike, which hits the bucket with ten million Voltz, bringing Rocky back to life. The Hares are serving delicious hash nosh including goulash, polenta, stuffing and cheese. The beers are flowing and the party is starting to rock! Rocky gets out of the bucket, flexes his muscles and sings us a note...
🎵 The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head, and I've got the feeling someone's gonna be cutting the thread.
Oh woe is me, my life is a misery, oh can't you see, I'm at the start of a pretty big downer 🎵
Second Circle: Dr F calls for anyone who had a hash crash to warm the ice. YMCA, Farm Girl, and Kapt. Korruption sit and are then joined by Dr F himself, who claims Rasputin pushed him.
Next up Hash Trash... a chair with SLAP's name on it. Maybe that has something to do with the missing Scribe's Seat?? SLAP was absent so stay tuned. Mamasan's Big Boy keeps leaving his condoms lying around. One in particular was a special 40th anniversary stubby with his name on it. The PH3 didn't produce such memorabilia and so he and Scar will be hearing from the PH3's copyright lawyers!
Hares on the ice!! All positive comments from Kermit the Frog, Herring Choker, Mudcracker, Brad, Janet, Ballringer, Muff Designher, Rasputin, Drinks Like A Girl and GKW but too moist for Fleece Lifter, too much tapioca for Pussy Snatcher and Penusillin said "Fucking fuck! Too many fucking mozzies everyfuckingwhere!" Thanks hares!
Rrrrrrraffle! No Black Panther this week, so Dr Frank drew the numbers. It's just not the same!! Farm Girl had first dibs and went for the biscuits, Arse Van Hole predictably took the vodka, Jerry C*nt a frying pan, Sir Velcro Dick red wine, Dragon 3 large Leo, Little Dragon (CORRUPTION!) twin pack of mouthwash and lastly Sick of Steve got the muesli/milk combo.
The virgins are invited into the circle. You don't have to sit on the ice Dr F explains. Just kneel down over it... skin, skin, skin bays the excited crowd!! Hash Groupie Columbia doesn't need asking twice and bangs the pair of them up the arse, finishing inside Brad! Dr F says he hopes they've enjoyed their day and he hopes they cum again soon. The PH3 is now their Mother Hash. They both pull their pants up and rejoin the circle. Eddie, your last circle says Dr F menacingly...
Eddie roars into the circle on his Harley, half his brain is missing and his head is heavily bandaged. He starts singing...
🎵 Whatever happened to Saturday night? Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock n roll 🎵
He ices the hares. He praises them on a great A-site with spectacular views. How did you find it because he couldn't 🤣 He tells the story of how FDTF got his name. Locked out by his crazy girlfriend he climbed up to their 3rd floor window, slipped and went through 2 ceilings before landing on the soft bonnet of a truck and falling asleep. Nice story Flying Dick Truck Fucker!
TV is iced with his wife of over 30 years and she is given the hash name Red Lion along with a bottle of iced water over her head. Mamasan's Big Boy back on the ice with Super Virgin. He's been here 10 days and still hasn't needed any hospital treatment... any day now! 🤣
Eddie hands back to Dr F who bludgeons him to death with an ice axe. It was a mercy killing he explains. At this very moment Dr Scott arrives, he's no longer a teacher, he's now an expert UFOlogist. Eddie was his nephew and he'd sent him an SOS earlier in the day saying he feared for his life. Dr. Scott tearfully sings...
🎵 When Eddie said he didn't like his teddy we knew he was a no-good kid, but when he threatened your life with a switchblade knife, what a guy, makes you cry! Und I did 😪🎵
Janet has seduced Rocky and they have disappeared into the shadows in front of the beer truck. She's feeling a bit horny...
🎵 Touch a touch a touch a touch me, I want to feel dirty, thrill me, chill me, fulfill me, creature of the night 🎵 Get in there Bubbles,. I mean Rocky!
Meanwhile, Columbia takes the circle and congratulates Leg Over on her 100th run.
Over to Fleece who ices Minnie Mouse and Shy Tiger. MM hash crashed and kept it quiet. In the bucket. Oooh I've got a wet pussy she laughs. Shy Tiger is accused of being the first short cutter and Herring Choker joins her to give his evidence. Next I'm on the ice for no good reason. I said I was just following Eating Monster so she got to sit with me 🤣
Back to Dr F who ices Bubbles, Bullshitter, Rasputin, Mamasan's Big Boy and me AGAIN! No room on the ice so I get the bucket. Mamasan's Big Boy pips me to the Wanker of the Week award. Apparently, he now has two girlfriends on the go and they have both moved in and made themselves right at home in his hotel room. Attaboy!
We call on our Hares to sing us a song. But they sit on the ice while DLAG does the full version of "The hairs on her dicky di do"
It's the final down down!! Loads left so 15 in the ring for one last beer. Then Ball Ringer leads the hash hymn. Hats off! Pots on the floor. After three. Three!
🎵 It's just a jump to the left
And then a step to the right
Put your hands on your hips
You bring your knees in tight
But it's the pelvic thrust
That really drives you insane
Let's do the Time Warp again
Let's do the Time Warp again 🎵
Hum it!!!.......... Silence!!!..........
🎵 Swing low sweet chariot, coming forth to carry me, coming forth to carry me, coming forth to carry me home. ON ON! 🎵
"You can take 10 each for the journey home" says Dr F and in one last bizarre twist the A-site turns into a UFO commanded by the hares. On On to the planet Transexual TranSlovenia in the galaxy of Transylvania for the after-party.
On On to next week! Who wants to scribe? You get to sit down and your next run is free, you might even get a free pen!! People go and get you beers when you want one and it's basically FREE BEER!! The best bit is you can write any shit you like cos noone fucking reads it 😂🤣
Cheers, Fattus Maximus