GUNG HEI FAT CHOY OR GONG XI FA CAI
Hash gossip
So the bromance between Bubbles and Sausage Head continues with the latter playing hard to get by only turning up at the gym when he feels like it. So far, Sausage Head’s six pack is more like a spare tyre but with Bubbles as his role model posing in the gym things can only get firmer.
Also involving Bubbles, note has been taken of the number of times he and Leg Over are meeting – twice last Friday and twice again on Monday. Watch this space…
Raffle waffle
The Mistress of the Raffle (she who can get her tongue around her r’s) would like to thank all those supporters of the weekly raffle. As you will have noticed the table is getting prettier and the prizes are getting better. Just for information the chance of winning a prize is approximately 1 in 7 – somewhat better odds than the Thai Lottery. Shame on all those cheap charlies who refuse to buy a ticket.
Scribe notes
Apparently, there were two volunteers this week to do the scribing but as the other was an Antipodean whose alphabet skills had only made it to B (BB) there really was no choice.
How exciting to get my very own Crackerjack pen to write these notes with. And a smart new chair to sit in. Now my penis in hand and I am ready to start…
First home was Herring Choker with a bad leg after jumping over a gully. Shy Tiger had no sympathy – she just told him he was getting old. Personally, I think it was all contrived as the front running competition on Monday probably looked too strong to Herring Choker so it was easier to feign injury than to finish in the middle of the pack.
First walkers home were She’s the Boss and Hairy Crack.
First runner home appeared to be Mayo Queen but he admitted to short cutting after a dodgy bit of trail confused the runners. I missed the real front runners but it was getting close to the 84 minute mark when they finally came in. Last home was YMCA who, surprisingly, had not fallen over this week.
Home Brew made an appearance after several months away. He said he had had a knee operation – too much standing up sex in the gents?
Great BBQ from VV and Two Time with help from Burley Chassis. It looked like the sausages just made it to the end of the queue.
As this was the AGPU (Annual General Piss Up), the second circle started with the outgoing GM (The Wizard in case you’d forgotten already) bringing in all the old committee and then introducing the new members (Milky Piss as GM, Herring Choker as Hare Raiser and Bubbles as Hash Cash). He then formally passed the circle to Milky Piss and retired as a mere Religious Advisor after 7 years at the height of his career.
Hash Crashes were each given a “Fragile” sticker to wear. Minnie Mouse got the bucket for not admitting to a crash and getting dobbed in.
Scar with two T’s iced the hares while he took soundings from the circle. With VV involved it was, of course, a good trail and much appreciated. Thanks guys.
Black Panther took the circle to draw the tickets. The guys listened attentively waiting for her to shout “sex” but that number did not appear all evening to the disappointment of many.
Scar called in The Wizard as a blue spray can had been found on trail. His co hares got iced but TW was bucketed after admitting that it was he who was the litterbug.
Scar then called in Gangreen as the lead Beer Hunter. Apparently, the baht bus had left one of the new drinkers behind. As Gangreen was too deep in his pot to respond, Stupid Kraut Kunt had to stand in – or, rather, sit down.
Next up was Sperm Polluter who had more than a few drinks on Saturday afternoon and finally wobbled his way up Soi Pothole to High Rollers only to be refused entry by his wife Casper and sent home on the back of a motorbike with a staff member (male) sitting behind to stop him falling off!
Sperm Polluter stumbled his way through the awards and recognitions with Sir Arse-A-Holic reaching his 1000th run which puts him in the top 6 runners of the hash ever. Congratulations.
The Wizard called in VV to congratulate him on no fewer than 240 hared runs and to introduce Tan who will be driving the beer truck from next week. VV will retire but remain as an assistant after 10 years in the job. Great work VV and many many thanks.
Two Time was also recognized for her work supporting VV for 7 of those years and she was given free runs for life as a reward.
Many thanks to both of you.
Thanks were also given to the Beer Police represented today by Arse Van Hole and She’s the Boss.
Milky Piss just managed to remember the Hare’s song which was a solo sung by the Wizard and quite appropriate for the occasion “I’ve got no more fucks to give”.
And so we come to the end of The Wizard’s reign as GM. After 7 years, he leaves the hash in great shape – membership is high, the finances are healthy, the accounts are up to date and promptly issued each week, Management Meetings are regular and held publicly with the minutes published on the website. The hash owes a great deal to you, Oz. Thanks a lot.
On On Shit Lips
Bonus 2nd Scribe Report
PH3 Run #2083 Fat Max's Fiftieth Run... (amongst other things 🤣)
About 3 weeks ago I volunteered to be the scribe for this run so when the GM started the first circle saying he already had two scribe volunteers I was surprised to find out I wasn't either of them. 😡
FFS he only has one job to do, I thought to myself. I waved my stick at him to remind him and he told me to fuck off. 🤣
It was a special run for me today as it was my 50th with the PH3 and as I have also hared twice I should now be a full member of one of the best hashes in Pattaya!! Every time I got close previously the Mismanagement Team raised the bar. It used to be one hare OR 25 runs not 2 hares AND 50 runs. I've been told it was nothing personal, but that is how it felt personally to me as a person. 🤣
Chatting in Kubla Bar later Oz (just plain old Oz now or new RA Oz...) said I could do a report if I still wanted to, and so I told him to fuck off. 🤣 Only joking!
The A-Site was the one used a year ago for the 40th Anniversary Run. A good choice because there were 9 buses and 144 sign ups. A great turnout for my 50th run! Thank you all!! 🤣🤣
Back to the first circle.... it was Shit Lips who beat BB to the scribe job. The Mismanagement Team was called in and each given a big cheer for the time and effort they have put in to make these great days out happen. There were some new members added to the team and some reshuffling going on too. Maybe this had something to do with the massive crowd??
Best wishes to our new GM, Milky Piss, our new Brewmaster, Tam, the new Bookie, Bubbles and our new Hare Raiser, Herring Choker. VV deserved special acclaim for looking after the beers for 10 years and Two Time was recognised for her support in this endeavour with free runs for life. Congratulations to both of you!
Soon after we were off running/walking/limping in some very barren landscape. Some areas it was like walking on the moon... only with much more gravity. I limped the walk which was very pleasant apart from a dodgy, slippery descent. Some runners came past in the last kilometre but it turned out they had short-cutted so we had to wait 10 minutes for our first beers.
Boring Wanker gave me a bottle of Jack Daniels to finish off so my memories of the second circle are at best hazy. I do remember the food... another great BBQ sponsored by the PH3. Nice sausages, thank you very much! The last time for me going up first with the visitors 😪
I also remember collecting another 500 ring pulls! Back in September, I was picking 50 to 100 out of the bin myself each run. Now I'm getting up to 2000 a week with contributions from every hash in Pattaya. I said recently that we have enough now for about 8 legs or, as Spermy put it, one very poorly spider 🤣 I will be sending them off to Chiang Mai in the near future explaining that a lot of hashing pissheads have made this donation. Thank you all!
Unfortunately, I didn't have a pen. I didn't make any notes and I got very pissed, so I will leave the details to Shit Lips. But I do remember Spermy calling me into the circle in recognition of my 50th run. I usually end up in the bucket, so this was a nice change. I was joined by Tom Boy who has 300 runs 😲, Sir Arse-a-holic who has 1000 😲🥳 and VV who has hared 240 PH3 runs! 😲😲🥳🥳🎉🎉🍻🍻 All I can say is get a fucking life guys!! 🤣 If I live another 40 years I will not get anywhere near those numbers.
The circle was great fun and the highlight for me was when the GM handed over the PH3 reins to Milky Piss, who immediately put him in the bucket 🤣🤣 Classic! Good job on your first circle MP. Imagine if you were that good on day 1. How good are you going to be 7 years from now?
All the Mismanagement came in for the final down down and the hash hymn and this week we really did get 2 for the road! There were 70 plus at the On On bar, Kubla and it turned into quite a party with creamy shots going around and karaoke in full swing. A great end to a fab day! Can't wait for my 100th run celebrations 🤣🤣
On On, Fattus Maximus
Addendum
Having reviewed the work of our hash flashers and Shit Lips's version of events I might have got a few things wrong 🤣
Firstly, the first circle massive circle jerk actually occurred at the start of the second circle after I had consumed a lethal cocktail of drink and drugs...
Secondly, Jackal also received an award this run. He now has at least 300 hash crashes which must be a club record. Well done to him!
And last but by no means least, I kind of forgot to mention the outgoing GM's massive contribution to the club over the past 7 years. Time for more fishing now someone else has to deal with all the shitty emails. Cheers and well done mate. But now...
🎼🎵 F*ck off you c*nt, f*ck off you c*nt, f*ck off you c*nt. F*ck off! 🎵
On On, Fat Max