Run# 2126
What a great A-site. Spacious with plenty car parking options. Easy to find. Secluded and shaded. Seemingly, this is an ex-monastery. Although no sign of the temple, there were plenty of derelict buildings in view.
I arrived early and was shooting the shit with Sir Really Sadistic Bastard. It turns out, he is the only person in the world that did not know that Scotland had beaten Denmark to qualify for the next World Cup. Without internet or a computer, I guess this is his form of “Splendid Isolation” in the 21st. century.
It was at this juncture in time that The Wizard approached me and said, “Did you say something last week about being this week’s scribe. If not, not a problem.” I did hesitate for a moment, then he delivered the coup de grace. He showed me a Hash Pen. He knows I need some more to give away as Christmas presents, so that was it. Mission accomplished.
The Wizard called the circle to order, and what a large one it was. There were quite a few Virgins, who were welcomed in the customary manner, then it was time for the hares to explain the run.
GI Joe and Lady Squeeze My Tube. It was a birthday run. This Dynamic Duo have participated in over eighteen hundred runs between them, so definitely know the score. The run was explained and we were told it was flat and dry. And we were off. Bit of a bunch up to begin with, but this soon thinned out. Unfortunately, I got stuck behind a bunch of Frenchmen. What is wrong with that? Well, they speak French……
So, like Lewis Hamilton in his Ferrari, I got in their slipstream, applied the DLT and passed them at the first corner. So, all good. Well not really, I then got stuck behind two girls speaking Chinese. Could be worse. Stuck behind two old gits speaking Scottish.
Things were going well until we hit some water. Cries of “I thought GI Joe said no water.” As I was with the walkers, there was no haste in crossing, so there were different techniques applied. Necrophilia Night Rider took the manly style and leapt across. Well not quite. A bit short and sank up to his ankles and shiggy. I took the “tiptoe through the tulips style” and fared a lot better.
Then we came to another crossing, but this one had an old bamboo bridge. Why was nobody using it? It seems someone (found out later it was Ball Ringer) had fallen through. It was possible to differentiate between the rotten bamboo and good, as one was darker than the other, but not having my glasses, I was not willing to chance it.
After just over an hour and 5 kilometres it was On In. Just before the circle area, there were four golden Buddhist style statues standing inside a demolished building. Incredible to see, as you think they would have been relocated to another temple, or at worst, reappropriated by some sticky-fingered scoundrels. But incredibly not. Would love to know the story.
About ten minutes later the first of the runners arrived in the form of Speedo Pete and Seal Sucker. Seemingly the run was about eight kilometres.
The Beer Hunters were last to arrive back from their hunting and had also consumed a bottle of Jägermeister. Plus, Rudi Voeller was handing out miniature Berentzen apple liqueurs from his bandoleer. So, they were ahead of the game and feeling no pain.
As it was GI Joe’s birthday, the hares had also laid on some food. When this was ready, it was amazing to see how quickly a large queue formed. (I took mine home and ate it there. “Arroy mak mak.”)
After a cooling down period, it was time for the second circle.
Four Hash Crashes this week. Ball Ringer and Curry Book Cunt fell through the bridge, whereas Homebrew and Phil the Pill were just regular fallers.
The GM then called in the hares. As usual, the banter was mixed, but the general consensus was it was a good run. Well done hares.
Time for the raffle with Black Panther. Halleluiah! There is a god. I won the first prize choice. A bottle of gin. I do not drink, but have friends that do. Not far behind was Velcro Dick, who also won last week and again picked up Black Panther as his prize. Although she was not on the menu and he had to settle for a bottle of hooch. Do not know which gave the biggest squeals of delight. Black Panther or the circle. Maybe it will be third time lucky for him next week.
“Emperor Airhead your circle.” Wait a minute. What is going on here? There are four of him. EA had celebrated his birthday in the TQ a few nights previously and a few of the guys had donned white moustaches and a bald palette wig. Here they replicated it, down to his open legged gait. Of course, they ended up on the ice for their troubles. It was hard to tell who they really were, as I was too far away in the circle, but I think it was Stupid Kraut Kunt, TV and Scar w/2Ts. Brilliant.
Seal Sucker was then brought in for a surrogate for Herring Choker. What for I do not know, but somehow it led onto the divulgence by EA, that 52% of the population of New Zealand are atheists. See, you learn all sorts of trivia going on the PH3.
The GM then presented Little Sparrow with his 50th. Run T-shirt. Well done.
Scar w/2Ts then took over. He brought all the Virgins, who said they will all be back. How many times have we heard that before.
Next on ice were the Beer Hunters. They were deemed noisy and disruptive due to having imbibed a bottle of Jägermeister earlier.
It was now time for The Wizard to choose the new award of Hash Shits. (No Wanker of the Week as no spoon). Nominees were Homebrew - His doctor ordered him not to run, he did and fell anyway. Ball Ringer – Fell through the bridge. Thomas – Racing with Bobby from California. Parisian Titti – did not tell his mate about not bringing his dog rules.
And this week’s Turd of Shame. Ball Ringer. Well done.
Next to take over the circle was Fleece Lifter. He called for all the Cambodian girls to come into the circle. They must have got some inside info, as they had all fled the scene. So instead, he called all the Thai girls in. There were many beautiful buttocks on the ice, as all clambered to keep away from the ice bucket. Unfortunately, Eating Monster was the object of his vindictiveness. Several times she tried to extricate herself from the bucket only to be unceremoniously pushed back in. Fleece Lifter tried to make casual conversation by asking the whereabouts of Spastic Whore King, when he found out he was getting ready to go to Chiang Mai, Eating Monster was dumped again. Well done ma’am.
Time for the hare’s song. But a slight variation. Stupid Kraut Kunt sang for them in German and GI Joe danced. The ‘birthday boy” still has the moves, but not sure if SKK still has the voice.
Final Countdown; Hash Hymn; One for the road. Then it was off to the Happy Hour bar which this week was New Plaza Sports Bar, where Sexy Butterfly had promised there would be new beer buckets.
Another great hash. Thanks to all involved.
OnOn,
General Kidney Wiper