Location – next to the unofficial rubbish dump off Santi Kham Road. Luckily the dump was not smelly today but the wind was kicking up some good dust clouds for all to inhale.
The run set off towards the treeline at the back of the A site and meandered on a very narrow path overhung with vines. After 10 minutes of this we realized we could have stayed in the ploughed field and covered the distance in 2 minutes instead. But this was a VV run and, as usual, water was involved as well as jungle. Personally, I made my own route and was joined in part of that by Splinter Dick, Paprika Smiley and Pole Fucker as well as my nurse Leg Over.
First runners home were Herring Choker, Phil the Pill, Boring Wanker and SLST (Swing Low Sweet Testicles). BUT they technically short cutted the last 500 yards (we could see them) and the first runner doing the correct trail was Mudcracker who had left Tequila behind as he didn’t want to put her through the trial of a VV trail.
As this was a Mad Hatter run there were some great efforts in the millinery department. Velcro Dick had a polar bear hat complete with scarf (very appropriate for a Norwegian), Eating Monster had on something from Alice in Wonderland, GI Joe wore a De Gaulle hat, there was a lovely lady with a red lampshade on her head and Fattus Maximus had what looked like a beer cooler upside down on his head so he looked like a sumo wrestler (fortunately he wasn’t wearing a mawashi). In the spirit of things the GM also had on a hat that made him look like a rather dubious bookie at the race course.
After a feast from VV consisting of both rolls and hamburgers the GM called the circle to order(ish).
Hash Trash
Notable items – a folding chair left behind last week by Shy Tiger. She blamed Herring Choker so both got iced. Poor old Herring Choker – always in the wrong.
A batch of raffle tickets were found on the floor. She’s the Boss tried to claim them but couldn’t remember any of the numbers so got iced. As there were no genuine claimants the tickets went to the Raffle Mistress with the instruction that if anything was won it would go to next week’s raffle. Later on I learnt that they belonged to Homer Pimpson who obviously needs some deeper pockets (talk to any of the Scots guys and they will explain what you need to do).
Raffle
The raffle was drawn by The Wizard who, I have to say, is not as fetching as the usual ladies who draw the tickets but never mind.
Emperor Airhead took the circle. As usual he iced the hares and pointed out that Anal Cheese had been running on and off since 1992 but this was the first time he had hared. Slippery Frog Tongue had managed 30 runs and now lost his cherry with his first haring experience – bloody good choice to go with VV.
Phil the Pill, Boring Wanker and Cocktail Fail had hired a car and driven to Lanna hash (Lanna is the Province in which Chiang Mai sits). They claim they only shared the car and not a hotel room but who knows.
A Dingo Ate my Baby went straight to the bucket - voluntarily I think, His latest girlfriend seems to have “tamed him” but let’s see.
On the same subject Ferry Queen, Night Rider and CIA were iced on suspicion of ephebophilia (what does Airhead do in his spare time?!) which is having an infatuation with 15-19 year old girls. Night Rider was disqualified as his girl was all of 24. CIA I can’t remember but it seems Ferry Queen is the only “free” man out of those three.
There was a Happy Birthday celebration for VV’s Mum Marie Claire who was 88 – congratulations madam.
Then there was the hat competition which was won in the male category by Horst with a toilet seat on his head – looks like “Toilet Head” could be his hash name and in the female category by a very fetching hand made concoction worn by Duchess Tadpole.
Fun Fact – the reason that hatters were “mad” dates back to 19th Century London when it was fashionable to wear black top hats. To enhance the blackness of the hat the milliners used mercury without realizing that brain damage was one of mercury’s side effects.
Scar with 2 T’s took the circle. He could not find any sinners without hash gear so he called in the virgin. He won’t be back soon as he leaves on Friday but he said he’ll be back next year if his mate Fattus Maximus is still alive. “If he’s not you can come back for his funeral” some wag offered from the circle.
All the Norwegians were called in for winning the recent Winter Olympic games. The sole Swede was also invited even although they only came seventh. Unfortunately, all the seats on the ice were taken so he had to sit in the bucket (as per Scar’s neighbourly love plan).
At the Awards, VV gained the distinction, probably never to be beaten, of reaching 250 hared runs. Fantastic job – well done VV. The hash owes you a great debt of gratitude.
After the Awards, the GM called Fattus Maximus to the ice to discuss his injuries. The head wound was apparently caused by him falling out of Hot Hope’s bar. The 14 large bottles of beer and a few brownies may have contributed to his loss of balance.
The leg wound was caused by a dog bite. Rumour has it the dog spent 30 minutes after the bite licking its arse trying to get rid of the taste!
Shit Lips helped out the hares by providing a hash song “My God how the money rolls in” and then it was time for the final DD and off to Crackers bar for more food and fun.
ON ON Shit Lips