Total Hashers This Week - 99

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Correcting Run Records Policy

To encourage hashers, and hash virgins, to take responsibility for ensuring they have received proper run credit, the deadline for reporting missed runs will be Thursday evening following a run. As run stats are posted to the website by noon of the Tuesday following the run, hashers will have 2 1/2 days to review the run stats to confirm they've received credit for the run just held.

The reason for the Thursday deadline is we close out the run accounts and run records for a run on Friday mornings. Corrections entered before Friday help ensure we have an accurate accounting of the run.

It is hoped with this policy in place the number of hashers that pay the signup fee and walk away before having their name marked off on the signup list will be reduced. This will also eliminate the cases where a hasher comes to us weeks, months, or even years later asking to correct a missed run in the records.

The one exception to this policy will be those with duplicate run records can approach us when they're close to achieving a run award. At that time we will merge the records so the run award reflects all their runs with the PH3.

Missed runs can be reported via email to the Webmaster.

Click On Name To View Hasher's Run History History

Awards This Run

Cannon Ball
10 Hared Runs

Fattus Maximus
100 Runs

NOTE: Scribe Reports are written for your entertainment and are a work of fiction.
Any resemblance to actual people and events is purely coincidental.

Scribe Report by Fattus Maximus

Fat Max's 100th PH3 Run / The LCF Memorial Run 

Today we are back at The Monk's Retreat A-site for the annual Lord Chicken Fucker Memorial Run. Most of you knew him well I'm sure. Unfortunately, I never met him as I joined the PH3 six months after he passed away on March 5th 2022. However, this is my 3rd LCF Memorial Run and together with the tributes I've heard and the fabulous PH3 Website (great job Pussy Snatcher, Dirt Looney and whoever kept the records previously!) I have found out a good deal about the man.
John McAllen is second only to Emperor Airhead with 1227 PH3 runs. His last run was #1930 on 21st February 2022 but, like Jesus, there was a resurrection and he came back to hare #1933 with his daughter Jane "Chicken Little" McAllen, Antique and Tampax 9 days after he died. Well, he was definitely there in spirit, and physically a larger than life-sized photo cut out of him was on show. This was his 73rd hare putting him 4th on the all-time hare list behind only VV, Two Time and Spaghetti Head. Another great achievement. He was GM for 3 years in the 90's, drove the beer truck for years and ended up as a very popular RA right up until his final run. Having said all that he only scribed once in 31 years, the fucking lazy chicken fucking c*nt 🤣
Remember, without guys like this there wouldn't be a PH3, no beers, no runs and no fun. RIP LCF on up!!
On to today's event...
I found myself on the penultimate bus, Gangreen was vaping over the road in the shade of the Access Inn so we had to wait for him before we could depart. Would there be weedhunters today? It was a 35-minute drive to the familiar A-site. This was the site of LCF's last run, it was hot as hell with chicken shit flies all over your face. They use chicken shit as manure around here and these little bastards love it!
There was the usual preamble prior to the first circle, saying hi to visitors and returners and talking shit with friends. One virgin, no new shoes, usual announcements and the hares sent us on our way.
I started talking bollocks with Kilt Lifter who has recently had the snip. Not too painful apparently but he wasn't wearing his kilt so I couldn't check. Next Pole Fucker, Splinter Dick, Fuzzy Lure or Kee Mah caught me up (still getting those 4 mixed up) he moaned about the fucking elevation and then dropped me 🤣. An ironically cheerful Sir MC was next to pass me in his 600 runs shirt. I've never seen him on trail before!
The last kilometre was absolutely shite or as Jellobutt would say... “we saved the best for last.” I did just over 4k in about an hour and grabbed a soda before FRC's Herring Choker and Mudcracker came in. 17:17 beer o clock! Perfect!
The hares had put on gin and tonics and a good spread of snacks including Siamburi's special offer cheeses like camembert and brie. There was also a big pot of Filipino stew called caldereta. Thank you hares!
18:25 and the GM calls the second circle. Johnny Walker Red Label shots were passed out as a toast to LCF and then it was down to business. Three hash crashes, all in that shitty last K! Hash trash... Eating Monster finally has her Bluetooth speaker back after being too stoned or lazy to claim it the last 3 weeks. Hares on the ice! Jellobutt was thanked for being a regular if infrequent turner upper. He only does the LCF run nowadays. There were mixed reviews but somehow Jellobutt ended up in the bucket. GI Joe thought Tan and Cannonball had done great jobs. Fat Max said it was a good walk spoiled but he's a proper miserable c*nt! 🤣
Raffle!! The Wizard called the numbers and the booze went to Boring Wanker (BOO!), Panzer Fister, Stool Mover and SCAB. Lost Cause (CORRUPTION), Goosey Goosey Gobbler and SCAB picked up the bum bag, frying pans and fabric conditioner. 
Emperor's circle and hares back on the ice. He asked the circle who knew LCF and most hands went up. He thanked the hares for a great job feeding about 100 hashers and providing all the little extras to make it a special day. Here here!!
Next up the virgin, Adam from Vancouver and his sponsor Ferry Queen. They had both had a good day and unbelievably had been out on trail. Wow! 😮
Brotherly Love has spent a year in the Kuwaiti desert so he was asked to cool down on the ice. Apparently he got the last flight out of Dubai on Friday night. Will he be going back anytime soon? Who knows but he looks happy enough here and his wife got named Xena after 3 years with the PH3.
Back to The Wizard who iced the French. He said Trump had been on the phone to Macron. Macron insisted France would not fight with America but Trump said he only wanted the cheese-eating surrender monkey to teach Iran how to give in. 🤣
Over to Scar... "thank you very big." Disco Dick was iced for sitting in the circle despite his social media claiming he is 59. Can't have it both ways Simon! 🤣
The virgin was brought in and had to explain why he was wearing a Scandihooligan shirt. As GM of that hash Scar was sure he had never given it to him. Ferry Queen got the bucket and said he had given it to his wife... whatever that means??
A quick piss and The Wizard was back on for the awards and recognitions... Fat Max 100 runs 🥳🎉, Cannonball and Jellobutt 10 hares. Jellobutt got his 10 hared shirt which has been waiting for him for 50 weeks. See you next March matey! 
Visitor Bubbles Lickus from Florida was asked why even though she has hashed all over the world she needed help finding the A-site. Not enough paper? GKW came to her rescue and a 3-some was suggested as they shared the car with Sir MC. Is that why he was so cheerful today?
Fleece Lifter was given the circle and he iced the English. I was too busy scribing and kept my head down. About a dozen so several were perched on the bucket. Fleece congratulated them on never surrendering and gave them a down down song about sucking horses penises.
The GM did the finale. He brought in CIA and Boring Wanker to tell us about the 2500th Bangkok Saturday Run. Apparently an outstation event in Ayutthaya which their GM didn't even bother attending 🤣 How boring is that? Right up BW's street you'd think! Over to Spermy who is now our residential hares song stand-in/ stand-by. 🎼🎵Get in get out stop fucking about. Ya ho ya ho ya ho🎵 Or something like that. 12 in for the final down down and the hash hymn and one for the road. Another great Monday thanks to all those who make it happen and Sexy Butterfly for a great On On at New Plaza! Cheeeeeers!! 🥳🎉🍻
And finally, why did the chicken cross the road? 
To get to the other side...
Why did LCF cross the road? Because he couldn't get his knob out of the chicken. 
Any better answers on a postcard please 555.

On On Fat Max 

Hares' Song

Yo Ho 

Another humorous rendition by Sperm Polluter, ably assisted by Bubbles Lickus

I put my hand upon her toe
Yo Ho Yo Ho
I put my hand upon her toe
Yo Ho Yo Ho
I put my hand upon her toe
She said
"Hey Hasher, you're way too low"
Get in, get out, quit f*ckin' about
Yo Ho Yo Ho Yo Ho

I put my hand upon her knee
Yo Ho Yo Ho
I put my hand upon her knee
Yo Ho Yo Ho
I put my hand upon her knee
She said
"Hey Hasher, you're kiddin' me"
Get in, get out, quit f*ckin' about
Yo Ho Yo Ho Yo Ho

I put my hand upon her twat
Yo Ho Yo Ho
I put my hand upon her twat
Yo Ho Yo Ho
I put my hand upon her twat
She said
"Hey Hasher, you're hittin' the spot"
Get in, get out, quit f*ckin' about
Yo Ho Yo Ho Yo Ho

She put my cock right in her mouth
Yo Ho Yo Ho
She put my cock right in her mouth
Yo Ho Yo Ho
She put my cock right in her mouth She said
"Hey Hasher..." (choking sounds)

I put my dick right in her nose
Yo Ho Yo Ho
I put my dick right in her nose
Yo Ho Yo Ho
I put my dick right in her nose
She said
"Hey Hasher, that's not where it goes"
Get in, get out, quit f*ckin' about
Yo Ho Yo Ho Yo Ho

And now she lies in a wooden box
Yo Ho Yo Ho
And now she lies in a wooden box
Yo Ho Yo Ho
And now she lies in a wooden box
from sucking so many yankee cocks
Get in, get out, quit f*ckin' about
Yo Ho Yo Ho Yo Ho

I dig her up every now and then
Yo Ho Yo Ho
I dig her up every now and then
Yo Ho Yo Ho
I dig her up every now and then
I f*ck her again and again and again
Get in, get out, quit f*ckin' about
Yo Ho Yo Ho Yo Ho