PH3 Run #2147 Fat Max's Tenth Shitty Scribe 🥳🎉 on the occasion of 🏴The St. George's Day Run 🏴
Prologue: Firstly, I must apologise to LCF (RIP) who I called a F*cking Lazy Chicken F*cking C*nt in a previous scribe. In the circle notes he is credited with just one scribe in over 1200 runs and that is where I got my info. A little database digging around by Pussy Snatcher revealed that he actually scribed fifty-twice! That's more than anyone else has done by a long way. The closest to him is GKW with 38 from his 900 plus runs... Will LCF ever be caught? At the current rate (4%) GKW might get there sometime in 2033. Apparently the circle notes only go back as far as run #1500, towards the end of 2012, so I was missing nearly 30 years of data. Sorry my Lord! But as they say "never let the truth get in the way of a good (or a bad) scribe report!" My nan used to say to me "the pen is mightier than the penis!" My poor grandad was dying of asbestosis and emphysema at the time so he couldn't argue with that. So I take my turn as scribe very seriously indeed and always have nan's wise words in the backside of my headjob when my penis in my hand. Head? Who said head? I did and it was good! More about scripture to cum all over your face in the epilogue.
On On to today's run... The St. George's Day Memorial Run. 🥳🎉🍻🍻🍻 It's actually on the 23rd but we are celebrating it today on Hitler's (and my father's) birthday. Why not? 🤣
Pork pie, sausage roll, come on England give us a goal! We're gonna score one more than you! ENGLAND! Two World Wars and one World Cup and so on! Well it's 5 World Cups now if you count rugby and cricket and it's 12 if you include the ladies!!
So who was St. George I hear you ask... and what part of England was he from?
When I was a kid, about 2 years old, I read the legend of St. George, a fearless Knight in shining armour going around slaying dragons and saving princesses... in Turkey! He never set foot in England! I smelt bullshit! Did they even have shining armour in the 3rd and 4th century? Also Turkey didn't have a royal family for another 1000 years. It's just a fairy tale yeah? A bit like Robin Hood and his Merry Men going in to battle wearing tights... nylon wasn't even invented until the 1930's and probably aint the best protection against arrows, so that's all a load of bollocks too! At that time I still believed in the Tooth Fairy and Father Christmas (for obvious financial reasons) but I'd already dismissed God and his kid, Jesus Christ, as pulp fiction. Anyone can buy me a gallon of Chang and I'll turn it into a bucket of piss in a couple of hours. Is that a miracle or is it just human nature? Nowadays, back home, you can get yourself arrested for hanging a flag on a lamppost or painting the flag of St George on your own house ffs! It's political correctness gone batshit bonkers! In March on Paddy's Day everyone gets pissed on Guinness wearing silly hats but April passes by with barely a murmur. I never celebrated St. George's day until three years ago when I discovered Bentley's Bar on Pratumnak Soi 5. If you fancy a good old knees up get yourselves down there this Thursday there will be 🏴🏴🏴 bunting 🏴🏴🏴, singing, dancing and the finest English fayre imaginable (chicken tikka masala, chilli con carne, chicken chow mein etc.) You won't be disappointed!! It brings back a sense of pride and patriotism that so many have lost. Rant over...
A new A-site today beautifully decorated by our English foursome of hares. Nice bit of shade too. Well done hares!
4pm and GM calls the first circle... no new shoes or virgins. Gangreen offered the beer hunting option which I took having Songkrashed leaving Hot Hope's bar late last night. The usual suspects joined me and good to see Soapy back in town too. 2 large Chang for most, 3 for Velcro Dick.
Got back to the A-site in time to see the FRC's sprint finish. Boring Wanker edging out Anal Acrobat, 2 Snakes F*cking and Seal F*cker. No Herring F*cker this week as he is going back to Cambodia to finish his prison sentence. Beer truck open at about 17.30! Thank you BB for the Blue Sapphire g&t's that filled the gap nicely!
The hares provided traditional English curry which went down very well with the cold beers and snacks and the GM called the second circle at 18.18
Hash trash... an unclaimed jungle hat and a picnic mat which hare Spermy claimed for Mrs Spermy.
Hash crashes x 2... Mayo Queen, relieved of his hash flash duties, took a tumble and so did Home Brew. Only pride was harmed.
Visitors... 14 Corona hashers squeezed onto the ice and excused themselves as they wanted to get back into town sharpish to get on the piss. Sent on their merry way by Fleece Lifter with the F off u C's down down.
Over to Scar who iced the hares. He asked if anyone except the English knew anything about St. George. Fleece said something about slaying Dragons and laying Dragon. Everyone seemed to have enjoyed the trail and the food and we stayed dry after the horrendous storm on the ride in and the 12 days of endless Songkran soakings. So all good cheers to the hares!!
Raffle time... Sexy Butterfly called the lucky bastard's numbers out. Dingo got Sangsom, Disco Penis gin, Smiley nabbed the Marmite, YMCA got red red wine, GKW took the beers and Home Brew and Panzer Fister were left with the crackers and the tea bags.
Emperor Airhead's circle... hares on the ice, of course. Emperor recalled Sir Free Willy's plan to ride a white horse into the circle dressed as St. George but getting arrested and sent to the Bangkok Hilton before it ever happened. He praised the hares on a great new, secluded A-site. So secluded he and his Google maps bitch couldn't find it! That's why he missed the Beerhunters 🤣
Horst on the ice and after weeks of deliberation he was finally named Horse Dick. Welcome to the Dick family Horst!
GM briefly took the circle to reunite Disco Prick with his beer which he had left in the bucket when he won the raffle earlier.
On On to Scar who iced all the pissed up cycling sex tourists... me, Fleece and Beetroot iirc? Not sure where Scar is getting his information from 🤣
Newbie Sheila? was named Sheila the Tiger and then I missed whatever Dingo has been up to this week cos I needed a beer and a piss.
Best bit of the night... GM iced the hares and Fat Max for a St. George's Day Quiz. I realised straight away that I was being stitched up here. The hares knew all the answers cos they had all been briefed beforehand and I was asked "how many churches in Georgia are named after St. George?... to the nearest one" 555. In the bucket and drinking double down downs with the sleeve on. Cheers Oz!!
A great hare's song performance by Shit Lips and his backing group slagging off the rest of the world while the circle waved their flags of St. George. Yes, English really are the best!!! F*ck off all the rest! 🏴🏴🏴💯
I got a final down down and did the hash hymn, took one for the road and ended up at Kubla Bar for more fun and games. Good times. Thank you all who make it work week after week! Cheeeeeers!
Epilogue: PH3 Scribes Hall Of Fame
1st with 52 Scribes Lord Chicken Fucker
2nd equal 38 General Kidney Wiper, The Whorator
4th 32 The Pope
5th 31 Sir Spaghetti Head
6th equal 29 BB, Sir MC, Sheik Meme, Sir Free Willy
10th equal 24 Shit Lips, Clit Face, Fini The Faggot
13th 22 No More Cum
14th equal 20 Home Brew, Sauce For The Goose, Sir Frog.
41st equal with 10 scribes... Fat Max! 🥳🎉
On On Fattus Scribus Maximus