All week there has been big thunder in Pattaya. But no rain. Today, big thunder again at the A-site. But once again, no rain. What we did get though, was some cooling cloud cover. So, we had a decent crowd converge at today’s A-site which was an easy drive from town. Necrophilia Night Rider had just arrived back in town and was handing out expensive chocolates to all his lady friends in the hash. Thankfully, there were some left over for the riff raff of myself, Gangreen and Sir RSB.
Then our GM, The Wizard, started proceedings and welcomed all and sundry, explaining the rules and protocol. The hares; Panzer Fister, Oily Bob and Horse Dick came in to the circle to tell us about the run. NO! What we got instead, was the weather report for the last seven days in Pattaya. After a few minutes of heckling, it was “business as usual” and the impatient crowd were off. Well not really. After walking a hundred and thirty metres, I met some people coming back and some milling around.
Now the one thing you do not want to do to Walkers, is confuse them. They do not understand the technical intricacies of Checks and Back-checks. All that clever, but awkward stuff is taken care of by the Front Running Bastards. Anyway, five minutes later, On-On was called and the Walkers (myself included) were able to continue and do what we do best. Talk and follow the person in front of us.
It was nice going. Plenty of natural shade and with the cloud cover, I thought “nice job hares.” I did catch up with the two little girls of Scarlette and Jasmine. At the ditch crossings, they were ably assisted by Candy Fanny, who picked up one and led the other one with her arm. When I asked if she could help me, she said “I was too big.” I did not know whether to take that as a compliment or not, as it has been a long time since I had heard that said to me.
All was going well, until at the three-kilometre mark, where there were the Walker’s and Runner’s arrows pointing us in the direction we had just come. We had not even seen a split, so this was confusing.
Meanwhile, there were more problems. This is Coronation Day. So, the bar that the Beer Hunters went to was closed. Plus, the lady owner had lost the key. Sir Really Sadistic Bastard, was suffering withdrawal symptoms, as he had not had any alcohol for fifteen minutes. The last being with his laced coffee, with whisky from his hip flask. Fortunately, they managed to persuade the Bush Bar owner to smash the padlock and open up her premises and avert the possibility of a medical emergency.
So, back at the main event. All the walkers executed a U-turn and proceeded to go back the way we had come. At one point, three FRBs came running past us. But that was it. As we arrived back at the A-site, after six Kilometres and one and a half hours, I was thinking there are going to be so many people lost and late. Wrong. I was amazed. All the runners were back already. How? I still haven’t a clue.
After we cooled down; shot the shit with recriminations discussed about the run, the GM called the second circle to order. The Wizard brought in the Hash Crashes. YMCA. No denying it. Boring Wanker. Plenty of denial. My Girlfriend Knows I’m Gay. Too much denial, so he was submerged in the ice bucket. MGKIG had not been feeling well and this just seemed to compound it, so he had to be extricated out of the ice bucket. But it is at this point that Seal Sucker whispered to me, with a kind of glee, that they had just pulled out a dead German guy from his condo’s swimming pool, before he came to the hash today. Hope MGKIG makes a full recovery by next week.
The GM then called in the hares and sat them on the ice. It seems that every time they came to lay the run it rained. Four days in a row. Oily Bob then acted a parody of how Panzer Fister had cracked the whip, German style, and told them to get on with it. Really amusing. So much so, everyone forgot about the f*ck-up.
Next it was raffle time. We had a new raffle mistress, in the guise of Lady Rock. I did not win this week, but did the previous two weeks. I guess LR does not know about the “corruption” that is involved in this part of the proceedings. Maybe I can slip her a couple of “Balut” tomorrow morning, when I see her on my walk.
Time for some religion with Emperor Airhead. Hares on the ice. Seemingly, it all went wrong from the second check. They had laid the “out” trail too close to the “in” trail. An easy mistake. But they had made a big effort and that is what counts. Well done guys.
EA then brought in Nicha for a naming ceremony. No beating about the bush. He named her “Two Sexy Legs.” If you saw her, you would know why.
Quiz Time:- What takes seventeen years to reach 100. Then takes nine years to reach 500?
Easy Peasy. Why it is Dirt Looney achieving 500 runs. Impressive stuff, having only missed a handful in the last four hundred. Well done.
EA gave him the choice if he wants to keep his old name or change it to Lord Looney. No commitment from him yet.
A few weeks ago, several hashers presented The Wizard with a voucher for a rave up at the Café des Amis. Today, he gave an update. He and Burley Chassis will be redeeming this kind and generous donation this week. Well done all involved.
GI Joe then took over the circle and once again the hares were iced. He also explained why he only walked today and did not run. He had a growth removed from his nose and the hospital grafted some skin from his ear to fill in the hole. His Mrs, Lady Squeeze My Tube had enquired as to why they had not used skin from his backside. It turns out, that the back of the ear is the only place where hairs do not grow on your skin. So now you know. Somehow, the image of hairs sprouting from the bridge of your nose as you slurp a beer from a tumbler would kind of put you off.
It was that time of the night for the hare’s song. Horse Dick led the way with the lyrics in German, but the accompanying antics were universal, which he wanted us to emulate. One way to describe it would be to say it was like the “Bum Titty Bum Titty Titty Bum” song, but different. After several choruses, Horse Dick asked if we wanted more. “No” was the retort.
Wrapping things up.
It was time for “the final down down.”
“Hash Hymn.”
“One for the road.”
Many went back to the Happy Hour bar, which was at the New Plaza Sports bar. Many thanks to them.
Another great hash. Do we ever have a bad one?
OnOn, General Kidney Wiper