Well, true to form, it started bucketing down on Monday. As I was feeling a bit under the weather with a cold, it was debatable whether to go on the hash. But thought don’t be a wuss and headed out. There was a nice large clear area for parking. I was first there and not sure I had come to the correct A-site. But then another vehicle arrived, so all, okay? No, not really. He then did a donut. For those that do not know, this is a driving manoeuvre characterised by an intentional and sustained oversteer action. Basically, it creates a skid mark with dirt flying in all directions. In my case down the driver’s side of my car. But not so bad. Only half of the outside of my car was covered in sh*t. Wrong. The other half went through my open window, all over the inside and my glasses.
Pissed off? Yes. As my daughters are visiting me tomorrow, I just had it cleaned.
Do I want payback? No. Well just a little bit. I only hope that all the pigeons in the vicinity, where he lives, crap on his vehicle for a year.
Anyway. I am scribe again. I really do need to get a life.
Our GM, The Wizard, started proceedings and welcomed all and sundry, explaining the rules and protocol. This week we had a virgin runner from Lao. She was “not of speaking the English well well,” but then again, there are many hash expats who have the same affliction. The hares, VV, Two Time and SCAB came in to the circle to tell us about the run. Nothing different and we were off.
As usual, runners and walkers started out using the same trail. As the terrain was not too difficult, walkers were able to maintain a brisk pace and a couple of times were not so far behind the runners. I did shoot the shit with Necrophilia Night Rider. He is still having water problems. He reckons he has a leak. Nothing to do with his bladder, but his house. The last bill was 10,000 Baht. So, if there are any Dutchman capable and with experience of sticking your finger in a dike all night. NNR needs your assistance.
When I reached the runners / walkers split, a few girls were trying to explain to the virgin runner as to what was happening. I shouted to them to tell her to follow me. This she did. Immediately, she proceeded to take a short cut, passing me and catching up the people in front. Her pals taught her well.
No confusion this week. Walker’s trail was 4.7km and we were back in just under an hour. The runners were 8.8km and back in about one hour and ten minutes. Shit on my Chest, Boring Wanker and Tom Boy taking the honours. But as we know, the hash is not a race.
After we cooled down; shot the shit and had some of VV’s freshly cooked grub, the GM called the second circle to order. The Wizard breaking from tradition, brought in the contenders for Wanker Of The Week early.
Cannonball – Was sick with food poisoning, but his girlfriend waited two days before taking him to hospital.
Speedo Pete – He had a puncture, on his motorbike, the previous week going to the hash. Had to get assistance, but missed the run.
Necrophilia Night Rider – This week, parks his truck right next to the sign-up table. Has medicinal, strange smoke coming from its rear vicinity, where he his hanging out with his entourage and chilling. This caused the sign-up guys some disorientation. It has taken many years for them to get oriented.
Gangreen – Video clip going around on the internet, showing a tourist falling of the back of a baht bus. Reminiscent of Gangreen’s earlier escapades.
Voting for three of the candidates was sparse. Then, when it came to NNR, the cheers erupted. So, another WOTW spoon for his collection. Well done NNR, it must be great to feel so appreciated.
Back to the regular rota of events, it was time for Hash Crashes. Boring Wanker, Shit on my Chest and Seal Sucker on the ice. As usual, a bit of denial, but muddy marks on their legs proved the prominence of the accusation.
The GM then brought in the hares. The Wizard asked around the circle for walker’s and runner’s opinion of the run. Mostly good. The rain had not played too much havoc with the hanging paper.
Next it was Raffle time with The Return of the Black Panther (was that not a Peter Seller’s movie). Now, this is the girl who draws the numbers out the box, but seems upset that I won again. Well, she makes it look that way and does it very well. Glad to see corruption is “alive and well” in the Pattaya Hash. Free Willy would be doing a victory dance, in the Bangkok Hilton (not sure if he is still there) if he could see how well Black Panther is running the show, with that baton passed onto her capable claws. Go girl go. ‘Nuff said.
Time for some religion with Emperor Airhead. Hares on the ice. Seemingly, EA is in awe of Two Time. Who not only sets the runs, but cooks on the hash as well as looking after VV at home. He wants to know where he can get a wife like that.
Bullshitter has broken many bones. He has now moved to the “Dark Side.” Unfortunately, to get around, he has bought a new bike. He still thinks this is a good idea and will not be problematic, although his track record would intimate otherwise.
Brotherly Love, is happy to have walked away from the conflict in the Gulf and is now settling down in Rayong. As this is a bit far away from the PH3, Bullshitter offered him accommodation at his place. BL deemed it a bad idea.
TV and Mayo Queen on the ice next. It seems that TV found a restaurant where you can eat and drink all you want for 199 Baht for two hours. After he and his pals went into top gear, the restaurant pulled the plug on this deal.
Mayo Queen likes to be a sharp dresser, so he spent 1800 Baht on a crocodile belt. He just has to be careful that customs do not remove it next time he travels.
EA then did a census around the circle. This was to find out the nationalities of the assembled. Whereas, we always have had a different dominant one through the years, today we have no major one, but certainly a big variation. Thirteen and a half today. The half was from Luxembourg.
The Wizard then brought in SCAB as he was seen on his motorbike, checking the paper during the run. He was concerned that the rain may have interfered with the condition of the paper and was just doing due diligence. Fair play.
Beetroot Head then explained that you are now allowed four free hares for a run. If food is involved, a budget of 1000 Baht is also allocated. No excuses now. Hopefully, BH gets some respite from substitute haring.
It was that time of the night for the hare’s song. Scab sang a down down song, but got away with it.
It was time for “the final down down.”
“Hash Hymn.”
“One for the road.”
Many went back to the Happy Hour bar, which was at the Kubla Bar. Thanks for looking after us.
As usual, another great hash. Do we ever have a bad one.
Now, am I still pissed off at getting covered in sh*t from the donut. No, I have calmed down and do not want those pesky pigeons to defecate on his car for a year. Well, maybe a month will suffice.
OnOn, General Kidney Wiper