Today’s special run was making headlines before it had even started. One of our baht buses was in contact with at least one motorbike-riding schoolkid on the way to the A-site and suffered damage to its front end. There seemed to thankfully be no serious injuries sustained by the kid, though I am sure it will have been sore the next day.
The run was a decent length at least this week with more than enough checks and back-checks to keep us guessing. I thought the hares had put in quite a lot of work and kept the pack together well.
For their final performances in their present roles, SIR FREE WILLY and GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER would appear in front of a row of derelict and ram-shackle cabins at the edge of a palm oil plantation. As it was the AGPU run and the GM was otherwise occupied, the circle was opened by SCAR W/2TS, who ritually iced the two hares MENTAL DISORDER and THE WIZARD.
SIR FREE WILLY’s final Raffle followed, with prizes being picked up as follows: GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER – bottle of vodka; WHORE IN THE WINDOW – bottle of wine; NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER – whiskey chocolates; STEPTOE – box of chocolate eclairs; LOST CAUSE – cuddly toy; WANK-KING’S WANKER – tin of iced gems; SPEEDO PETE – 4 bottles of cider; REAL OLD – women’s undies; THE WIZARD – bucket of cleaning products; A visitor – hash pants.
MENTAL DISORDER, the out-going GM, took the opportunity to thank SIR FREE WILLY for his many years of service. He then called in the old committee for down-downs and introduced THE WIZARD to the circle as the new GM. The new GM then took charge of the circle and toasted his new committee, which was the same as last year with the addition of BALL RINGER coming in to replace GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER on sign-ups. He then reminded the circle of those people, who regularly put much time and effort in in the background to keep the PH3 running smoothly. Those commended were: SPERM POLLUTER – transport volunteer; TAMPAX – electrics and entertainment; GOLDEN RIVET – various; TWO TIME – brewmaster’s assistant; LADY SQUEEZE MY TUBE – baht bus co-ordinator.
With the formalities dispensed with, it was now down to EMPEROR AIRHEAD to conduct the circle. The hares were quickly addressed, after which he moved on to deal with the departing SIR FREE WILLY. The circle was reminded of some of his past exploits, extracted from a life devoted to crime. We were reminded how a young LADY FLIPPER (our imagination was really being tested at this point) was dragged from sunny climes to a dismal London. The palace she was to live near to turned out to be Crystal Palace and she was soon to be left home alone, while WILLY did his first stint in prison. More such trips would follow. Apparently, the criminal world now wants him back on the dark web, where he can sell AK-47s and Kalashnikovs.
The DISORDER couple were to follow WILLY onto the ice, where we were reminded how MENTAL took his newly-wedded wife on a hitch-hiking honeymoon across Africa. Having addressed the outgoing GM and his missus, the EMPEROR now focused his attention on the incoming GM. The so-called “new guy” of 2½ years experience with the PH3 was joined on the ice by DIRT LOONEY, his smiling sidekick.
Virgins are dealt with by EMPEROR AIRHEAD as a matter of course and today he had one girl from Thailand, a Filipina called Liselle and a German fellow from Nuremberg or Nürnberg (think dodgy trials for alleged war crimes), which was of course immediately confused with the Nürburgring, a racing track at the other end of Germany.
WANK-KING’S WANKER now took the stage wetting our appetites for another 12 months of fumbling with bits of paper and light-hearted confusion. JACK WOW and SHE'S THE BOSS, the man from Slovenia, were both honoured for their 50 Runs with the PH3.
It was now time for some more religion and who better than SCAR W/2TS to remind us how the game is played. A visitor from the Philippines had inadvertently forgotten his hash shirt. THE WIZARD stepped in to offer him an alternative, which had had its sleeves sown up and had just been dipped in the ice bucket. Next time he comes to see us, he might remember his shirt. SCAR now reminded ex-GM MENTAL DISORDER that he was not exempt from the bucket by sitting him in it. He had made sure he was first in the queue for food at both sittings. DEL BOY and SPEEDO PETE were now iced for beating SCAR home, but prime culprits were SPERM POLLUTER and BEETROOT HEAD, who both had their arses submerged to show the RA’s appreciation.
THE WIZARD again took centre stage and brought in Wanker of Last Week, SPEEDO PETE and his spoon. PETE in his turn put UNSTABLE LOAD, BOB-A-GOB, MENTAL DISORDER and THE WIZARD on the hard water, coming to the ultimate conclusion that WOTW for today would be BOB-A-GOB. This man appears to be becoming a serial wanker.
The Hares’ Song, provided and sung by THE WIZARD, was an absolute hoot – a masterpiece of hashing brilliance, enjoyed by all. I just kept laughing at the line: ”you’ll have to run with the PJH3” – so funny. The lyrics were directed at his co-hare MENTAL DISORDER, sat muted on the ice.
After the closing formalities and the Hash Hymn, hashers headed back off into town. Our host tonight was the TQ. I would like to say a big thanks again to the bars that support us. I was also genuinely sorry to see both SIR FREE WILLY and GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER bid us their leave as committee members. I hope we will still see them in future.
On-On! No More Cum