August 19 PH3 Hash Report
Scribe: Diaper Sniper
GM: GI Joe
Hares: Spastic Whore King, Sick of Steve, General Kidney Wiper
Hash Flash: Mayo Queen (Run) YMCA (second circle)
VV and Two Time: delicious sandwiches
As the GM is still missing in action…at last report being dragged down the Mekong River by some giant fish or another, GI Joe reluctantly took hold of the reins as Queen…I mean GM for the Day for the 2nd circle. GI Joe promptly alerted us to veteran PH3 hasher, Greyhound with 173 PH3 runs who had just passed. We held a somber moment of silence for fellow hasher. On On.
GI Joe began the circle by saying he doesn’t like people and can’t remember hash names so would call everyone “You.” This novice scribe instantly panicked as I realized I would have to guess everyone’s hash names as multiple “Yous” were called into the circle. Luckily fellow hashers jumped to the rescue to provide names to me, so I didn’t have to call people French You or Short You or Old Guy You aka Kidney Wiper.
Hash Trash: VV brought out what looked like a bottle of processed beer, but nobody was going to claim that. Sick of Steve was called onto the ice to explain why he left not just red paint on the trail but an entire new spray can. Visiting mom and children from Cambodia were lectured about cleaning up garbage left on the table.
Hash Crash: Nightrider was dreaming of Chiang Mai nights with his new bride and didn’t watch where he was going. Shit Head and Fattus Maximus snitched on a conspiracy protesting Twinkle Dick who failed to navigate the bamboo to their standards. French Guy You aka Asshole Too Loose made friends with a bee which did not return his affectionate advances.
Hares on Ice: Spastic Whore King, Sick of Steve, and Old Guy You.. I mean General Kidney Wiper. GI Joe started out comments on run: “short and flat like my wife” Other comments from the circle: too much sun, well laid out, too short, too much sand. Beer Hunter Gangreen was asked about their adventure and retorted, ”I was there” Long walk to baht bus. Others said it was an excellent trail but FRB’s didn’t want to do their job to show proper trail.
Raffle led by Raffle Queen Black Panther who always spends a lot of time building suspense on the least significant digit.. the first one. Top winner; Limp Dick nabbed the whiskey everyone was eyeing. #2 Virgin You won a bottle of wine, #3 General Kidney Wiper got the change trio, #4 Bubbles chose the water bottle and towel, #5 Leg Over got the Thai lady's favorite shampoo and a trip to the ice where #2 Virgin joined her. #6 Scottish Guy You aka Kilt Lifter won the cookies after he somehow maneuvered to pick his own ticket. Sounds like a conspiracy to me. #7 Sick of Steve won the sauce and pasta dinner.
Emperor Airhead took over with his trusty 1960’s era IPad for his notes and in a surprise twist, put the Hares on the ice. EA told us his dreams of Spastic Whore King in heels at the Betty Boop run. As he launched into his history lesson, EA told us that General Kidney Wiper was an original PH3 hasher who changed history with his shirt designed inspired by his Japanese Geisha. We got a language lesson on Flemish and Dutch with Sick of Steve whose house in Belgium is apparently only 11 meters from that of Spastic Whore King. It seems that SWK was helping the Philippine Corona Hash to hare for us, but they went to Taiwan instead.
EA put Nightrider aka Greatest Soi 6 swordsman on the ice for the first time ever and told about how he got lost while wearing dark glasses. Now that Nightrider has his concubine, he has sworn off the girls. Someone should ask about the mother in law.
Dingo Ate My Baby rode the ice and told about his plans to live between Japan and Thailand.
EA tried to coax the little kids back onto the ice, but they were not having it.
Black Panther was invited to ice hashers so she went around the circle. Belgium virgin, Swedish Tony, Pascal Swiss female You and finally the kids (who she and Boring Wanker invited to the hash) all found seats on the ice or the bucket.
GM GI Joe vainly tried to get another former GM to take over the circle so Emperor Airhead came back in to conduct another of his dubious surveys. Naturally, he managed to skirt over some countries as he proclaimed the Americans the winners. EA tried again to sweet talk the cute kids back into the bucket but to no avail. Again, he surprised us by putting the Hares back on the ice. Sick of Steve will take over Nightrider’s personal ATM on Soi 6. Kudos to Spastic Whore King and YMCA who are the Hash flash masters.
Awards: Sick of Steve has done 50 runs to wear as he eats his pasta dinner. VV has hared 230 and combined with Two Time who has done 70 they form an unbeatable pair. If you hared once per month it would take over 4 years to match VV.
Hares sang a song.. Could not understand a word.. was it an ABBA tune?
Final Down Down
Another great hash in the books. On On Diaper Sniper