Belgium may be a small country, famous for waffles, chocolate, and beer, but on this humid December afternoon the Belgian hashers once again proved that size means nothing when it comes to putting on a world-class Pattaya Hash run.
The run opened with The Wizard holding up a sheet of paper titled “Interesting Facts About Belgium.” Hashers leaned forward with anticipation, only to discover the page was completely blank. A joke? A lesson? Or simply Belgian efficiency — fewer words, more action. Either way, the message was clear: judge this run by what happens on trail, not what’s written down.
The Trail
Led by veteran hasher V.V., whose staggering stats of 1,174 runs and 249 hares speak for themselves, the trail cut confidently through wet jungle and quiet country roads. Those who know understand that jungle trails are far more demanding than city runs, and this one showed experience at every turn. Street Cleaner, Hot Wheels, Kiss My Toot, Mayo Queen, Sick of Steve, Drag Queen, and Unstable Load worked seamlessly together, producing a trail that was fair, fun, and well marked.
Up front, runners like Mud Cracker wasted no time and stormed home as first finisher, while Cannon Ball, Dingo, Big Gulp, and Seal Sucker weren’t far behind, pushing hard and questioning their life choices in the heat. Meanwhile, the more “thoughtful” hashers — Boring Wanker, Dead Gump, Papa Dick, and No Hope — ensured that no check went unexamined and no beer was left unopened.
Beer, Food, and Belgian Style
The hares didn’t stop at a solid trail. A proper beer stop with snacks appeared like a jungle mirage, followed later by a free full-course meal, which had hashers such as Fattus Maximus, Eating Monster, and YMCA grinning with approval and going back for seconds. It was widely agreed that no one went home hungry — or sober.
Many hashers embraced the theme, proudly wearing Belgian Hash shirts, vintage shorts from past Belgian runs, and this year’s hot item: Belgian sweatpants, ordered months in advance. Face paint in Belgian and Thai flag colors was spotted on She’s the Boss, Minnie Mouse, Paprika Smiley, and Tom Boy, adding color to an already lively circle.
Circles and Characters
The circles were strong and entertaining, anchored by Pattaya Hash legends Emperor Airhead, who has lived in Thailand since 1976 and attended an unbelievable 1,174 Pattaya Hashes, alongside The Wizard and Scar W/2T’s, with Dirt Looney quietly pulling strings behind the scenes.
Ice was well used, especially when Salad Dodger took center stage to explain how he lost 26 kg through a disciplined lifestyle of pizza, beer, jogging, and massages. Hashers like Disco Dick, Singing Granny, Red Lion, and Black Panther listened intently, some taking mental notes, others ordering another beer instead. Rumor has it the book is already written — and already a bestseller.
Entertainment (Belgian Style)
With the run intentionally shortened, time was left for entertainment — and possibly a uniquely Belgian concept. A game was introduced involving ladies and the strategic use of teeth. Details are best left out of print. Suffice to say, laughter echoed through the jungle and the eventual winners, Spastic Whore King and Cookie Monster, accepted their victory with pride and minimal dignity.
Special Moments
Visiting hashers from the Philippines, Sunshine and Sunrise, sat on the ice and shared that December 16 marked their one-year wedding anniversary, earning warm applause and heartfelt On Ons from the crowd.
In a surprise move, Oz called most of the lady hashers into the center to help close the circle. The energy and enthusiasm from Minnie Mouse, Happy Survivor and Tom Boy was infectious and a reminder that the Pattaya Hash is powered just as much by spirit as by beer.
The On On
As tradition demands, the night rolled on at the On On Bar, the New Plaza Sports Bar, where Sexy Butterfly hosted the post-run festivities. Stories were retold, trails were re-run verbally, and friendships were strengthened over cold drinks as Squeeze, Ball Ringer, No More Cum, T.V., and Paprika Smiley ensured the Belgian Run didn’t end quietly.
All in all, Belgian Run #2129 delivered everything a great Pattaya Hash should: a solid trail, great food, strong circles, unforgettable characters, and a night no one will fully remember — or soon forget.
On On! Twinkle Dick🍻