Directions For Dummies
In the nineties there were a series of books called “XXX For Dummies.” These had many diverse topics such as chess, plumbing and DOS etc., There was no shame in purchasing these, as they explained in layman’s terms the intricacies of each subject.
The last time we were at today’s A-site, it took about five hash signs to get here. These are great when going, but useless when leaving. I spent more time trying to get back out to the main road, than I actually spent on the run. (Yes, I got lost). They point in the wrong direction and cannot be seen in the dark. Plus, there is the added disadvantage of alcohol hindering and dulling the senses. So it was with some delight that we had switched to “Directions For Dummies,” on today’s run.
Only Two Signs.
Well, that is what it intimated on the web page. Although there might have been a couple more in reality.
A couple of months ago, there was a show of hands as to whether we keep using the “Hash Signs” or not. By a majority, the ayes had it. There is something comforting, when you see a hash sign, that you know you are in the general vicinity of the run. Whereas, listening to the Lady’s voice on Google Maps there is no guarantee you are going in the correct direction and could end up making that call of shame to the A-site, asking for directions. By the way, that lady’s voice on Google Maps, is Australian and she is known as the GPS girl and “the only woman, men will take directions from.”
Last week, according to the PH3 website, The Hairline Condition was RED. This was on par with the situation in the Strait of Hormuz. Now it is GREEN. Hopefully, Beetroot Head, our Hare Raiser, and the rest of the world, can now sleep easier.
The hares responsible for this colour change were VV, Two Time, TV and Red Lion. Definitely Hash Heroes.
Our GM, The Wizard, started proceedings and welcomed all and sundry, explaining the rules and protocol. This week we had a few virgin runners from various countries. Always good to see. The hares, VV, Two Time, TV and Red Lion came in to the circle to tell us about the run. Nothing out of the usual and we were off.
Runners and walkers started out together, using the same trail, but as the terrain was not too difficult, the runners soon shot ahead. Although we crossed a couple of river beds, which is VV’s trademark, they were dry for a change. The walk was 6.0 km and took about an hour and a half, by which time all the runners had arrived back at the A-site.
When we started, it had been quite hot, but during the run, it had clouded over nicely and stayed that way.
Eventually the GM, The Wizard got the second circle proceedings underway.
Hash Trash was a pair of sunglasses, which were found and claimed by A Dingo Ate My Baby.
Next were Hash Crashes. GI Joe claimed his misses pushed him over. While Turkish Delight fell off his chair in the circle. No denials and no serious injuries.
The GM then brought in the hares. The Wizard asked around the circle for walker’s and runner’s opinion of the run. All good.
Next it was Raffle time with Black Panther. I did not win anything this time, but many did. Hopefully, next time.
Time for some religion with Emperor Airhead. Hares on the ice. It was pointed out that we had the old and the new. Maybe experienced and inexperience would be better terminology. VV and Two Time are extremely experienced hares. Whereas TV has hared a few runs, but this was Red Lion’s first. A good combination.
Seemingly A Dingo Ate My Baby got arrested in Malasia wearing a dress in a Red Dress Run. As this sort of attire by males is frowned upon there, he had some explaining to do, to get out of this predicament. Next week is The Betty Boop Run, where men have to dress as women. As we know, no problem here in Thailand concerning how you dress, or act in this respect. The bar has always been pushed high, or lowered, depending on your perverse penchant, on this annual run by the hash guys.
The Wizard then brought in the Virgins, who all agreed they had enjoyed themselves and will be back. Oh Yeh!
The Laird then made sure The Wizard was adhering to hash protocol when he brought in TV for haring 5 runs. Well done.
To quote John Cleese, of Monty Python, “And now it was time for something completely different.” As the football World Cup is imminent, the GM decided to have some team competitions. This took the form of two teams, each comprising of three, running across the circle to a table of beers. Then drink a beer without using your hands. Which meant picking the plastic beer cup up in your teeth and tilting your head back and swallowing the beer at the same time.
First up were USA v Australia. Not easy. The beer cups were bendy. This meant that half way down, it was near impossible to finish. Fair play to both teams. They Persevered in Hope (As my old school motto used to say). Eventually, Australia won.
Next up were England v Germany. These two teams had been taking notes. As soon as they had the cup in their mouths, these guys just threw their heads all the way back. Some beer in the mouth, but most over the face.
Germany Won. But no, it was not to be. The Wizard had a message from the Video Assistant Referee (VAR) that there had been an infringement and so disqualified Germany, who were promptly punished and seated on the ice.
More teams to compete next week.
No transgressors this week, so Whore in the Window was allowed to keep his Wanker of the Week Spoon for another week.
Boring Wanker was then presented by Black Panther with a birthday cake. Nice one.
No Hare’s song, but Shithead did the honours with “Ou est la papier.”
Then it was time for “the final down down.”
“Hash Hymn.”
“One for the road.”
Many went back to the Happy Hour bar, which was at the New Plaza Sports bar. Thanks for looking after us.
As usual, another great hash. Do we ever have a bad one.
So how did I manage navigating home from today’s A-site? No problem. Usually I leave early, but being today’s scribe, I had to stay till the end. Then I just followed the baht buses out. Alas, my car broke down three times on the way home. But that is another story.
OnOn, General Kidney Wiper