Run 2163 – Dragon’s Birthday Run
Hell no. I hope not.
They have just wheeled a body, wrapped up in a tarpaulin out of the lift, on a trolley.
I am in the foyer of Ball Ringer’s condo. I hope it is not him. He has had some hip trouble and has been trying some acupuncture shit. Hallelujah, he emerges a couple of minutes later from the lift. Empty water bottle in hand. He is off for a refill. My Garmin watch, which records my heart rate is still off the Richter scale. Then Bell End (Ball Ringer’s better half) comes down. Instant relief. My heart rate slows down. My driver to the Hash is okay.
So, the A-site for the today’s run was in front of the Asian University. Formerly the Asian University of Science and Technology. It was founded in 1993 and was established with the academic co-operation of Imperial College London. Unfortunately, due to financial reasons, it closed in August 2017. Sad to hear, but happily, for us, a great A-site. Previously, the actual A-site was the grassy knoll to the right of the gate, but this has now overgrown. Likewise, the entrance from highway 331 was quite distinctive, with the two large archways. Now you have to keep your eyes peeled and lookout for the hash signs.
Aside from the overgrown foliage, not a lot has changed. But……..
What are these large f*ckin donut tyre marks at the A-site. We are the first here and no Whore in the Window. Maybe these are the equivalent of the Uks unexplained “crop circles.”
I go to sign up and pay my money.
“General Kidney Wiper.”
“Yes”
“What is this?”
YMCA and Panzer Fister are just too polite.
I had mistakenly paid 320 Baht instead of 400 Baht, I have always advocated that they use different colours for different notes. Seemingly they do, but being colourblind, this makes no difference to me. These two gentlemen said I got some extra exercise to walk to the car to get the correct money. Thanks guys.
“The best laid schemes of mice and me, gang aft a glee.’ This was written by Rabbie Burns. So, what has this to do with today and what does it mean? Well, it means no matter what you plan, things go shit up. Sir Really Sadistic Bastard just arrived back from the UK. The baht bus was supposed to pick him up. Gangreen arranged this with the driver. But the driver informed Gangreen when they got to the A-site, he forgot. So, you think making plans in Scotland are bad. Thailand could be worse.
So, all week, my life is fairly quiet. But. within an hour, of going to the hash, there is enough drama to scribe a hash sheet.
So, on time, The GM, The Wizard got proceedings under way. But, the rain started with a vengeance, at the same time. Everything was then kind of rushed. Dirt Looney who usually tells us about The Care For Kids contribution jar, managed it in ten seconds, instead of twenty, and one breath. Something Stupid told us his shop would be open till 6.00pm, provided the rain stopped. Fattus Maximus told us he had achieved great results as a Hare Raiser. (Beetroot Head, I am afraid, if you come back, FM is going to hold this position for life.) Little Sparrow volunteered as Hash Flash. And finally, yours truly volunteered as Hash Scribe. First time in a long time as there have been plenty of volunteers in the last few weeks.
Today’s hares Fleece Lifter, Lady Squeeze My Tube, Sexy Butterfly and Never Come. Although it is Dragon’s birthday run, seemingly, she is busy preparing food back at the bar. So, they told us about the run and we were off. I did see Fleece Lifter walking in front of me, but shit, this is the hash.
I was enjoying it. The rain had stopped. A brisk pace. Also thought that the paper was good. But then I made the same mistake that walkers make every week.
I followed the walkers in front of me.
Little Sparrow, who was Hash Flash, and doing a great job, had been engrossed in taking pictures of Minnie Mouse’s ass and I was following him. This had happened as were passing a solved back-check. So, we missed it. We saw the paint on the ground and back trekked.
A little further on. We missed paper going off to the side, Walked past it. Our fault. Okay, so now we are “wired for sound” and know we have to keep our wits about us.
Then we hit the cattle.
Mummy and three babies.
We move to the left, off paper. Babies stay still, but Mummy moves to block us. What the fuck. We move more to the left. Mummy has attitude and moves more. Okay, we can take a hint and move more to the left. Bingo. The rope that is running from a peg to her nose tugs her to a stop. Finally, we are clear, plus no damage to Mum and her calves, not to mention her nose.
On-In and back up the hill. 5.0Kms of a good walk. Perfect.
Runners back in just behind. 8.5kms,
The GM The Wizard got proceedings underway. Did the usual stuff with Trash and Crash. Brought in the hares. All good feedback about the hares and the run.
Hash Raffle was conducted by Hot Hope. Boy, she must have known my numbers. I was just a few off every time. Shit, I will buy more tickets next week.
Time for religion with Emperor Airhead.
He had nothing except praise for the hares. Although the fact that there were plenty of hash signs might have been a factor in this praise. He has had a couple of weeks of frustration when the Google Lady has led him astray.
Then it was that time of the night.
Necrophilia Night Rider’s escapades. This guy is in a class off his own. Sexual escapades with daughter, Mum and Grandma. Lost property including wallets, driving licences, bikes and motorbikes. No matter what has befallen you, NNR’s dramas make you feel good. This week he was renewing a US passport. Not sure if his last one was stolen or lost. The story had drama. Just hope the outcome is good for this nice guy.
The Wizard then presented Arse Von Hole with his 400th. Run T-shirt.
Slippery Frog Tongue with his 50th. Run T-shirt,
Street Cleaner 200th. With 200th. Run T-shirt.
Well done all.
Now I start to lose it. I have started drinking again, under doctor’s orders. So, my notes are not too clear.
Seal Sucker in and out the circle for a couple of times, but no shit sticks. But I do remember praise coming from the Wizard for Fattus Maximus. Great job as hare raiser, Panzer Fister as sign up guy. Hot Hope as raffle lady. All deservedly so.
Time for the hare’s song. Fleece Lifter. Jesus Wept. Come back Fattus Maximus, all is forgiven.
Then it was time for “the final down down.”
“Hash Hymn.”
“One for the road.”
Many went back to the Happy Hour bar, which was at the King Kong Sports bar. Thanks for looking after us.
As usual, another great hash. Do we ever have a bad one.
OnOn, General Kidney Wiper